I'll try to make this as informational but brief as I can. I had suspected my husband of cheating. I wasn't sure if it had gotten to the actual sex part or if it was of the heart and headed to sexual. He introduced me to this woman 3 years ago and I instantly noticed an unnormal spark between them. But I noticedthat she seemed to flirt and hang on all men, except her own husband, who she did nothing but complain about. My husband reassured me that he had no interest in her, and had no sexual attraction to her at all. I didn't like her at first but we eventually became friends and my husband kept pushing us together saying how he knew that we would become best friends. And we did, but, there was still that nagging feeling when I would watch them together. It just seemed so clear that more was going on between them. She always needed to be touching him when we were together, just little arm touches, but you know, what I mean. Then one day I saw this look between them that said it all. Maybe not sex but definately strong feelings shared and he just seemed to be getting further away from me. I confronted my husband and he said that he had become too close to her and and had feelings for her, but nothing had happened, he swore that he had never touched her, never kissed her, nothing, and he swore that he talked to her and they realized what had happened and agreed that it had to stop. He promised me and swore to God that NOTHING happened, but told me several weeks later during an arguement that she had given him the opportunity and he passed it up, because he Loved me, and to stop dragging it out and forgive him. I asked at that time if he even kissed her, and he promised he didn't. So I stopped being her friend, we stopped doing everything with them, and then a month ago I saw her number on his phone. He said that she just called to see how he was doing, and that there was no reason for me to be upset, that he should still be able to talk to her if she calls, and that I should trust him. I feel like he should completely delete her from our lives and not talk to her at all. I had forgiven him and was trying to get on with my relationship with him, but this got me wondering how often they really talk or if they were still seeing each other. And in the month before I saw the call, he had started losing weight, he got his teeth whitened, he bought new underwear, and he had been leaving his cell phone at work or in his car.
Anyway, I asked him again if anything happened between them, and he finally said yes. She had called him to come to her house to help her with something and had propositioned him for sex and that he had refused and said he loved me. When I aslked when this happened he said a year to year and a half ago. This was before we had been spending so much time with her and we had become friends. He asked me to please forgive him and that I should be glad that nothing happened and he Loved me enough to refuse. Well then last week we got into an arguement because she called again and he admitted that he had kissed her when she propositioned him, but then realized what he was doing and stopped and left.
The thing is now he is saying that we cannot have a good relationship because I won't drop what happened between him and thios woman. I asked him to just be honest with me and tell me exactly what happened and that I would forgive him, but he says no I won't because it has been a year and I still bring it up and won't drop it. But that is because the story changes everytime we discuss it and more stuff is added that he has promised before never happened. Plus she continues to pop up in our lives and that hurts me again. He says that he never gave me the true details because he was trying to protect me and not hurt me so he lied about the details, but I knew in my heart that more had happened. I just want him to be completely honest and then we can move on from there. Even if he is the one who stated the kissing session, or it was mutual, I want to know the truth, instead of him lying and then added more details as time goes by. I also feel that she should not call, she should be cut out of his life permenantly. But he says that it is me not forgiving him that is the problem, not her calling once in awhile. But she doesn't call me, she calls him. Does it seem like this is my fault and that I should just drop it and forgive him and not say anything if she does check in on him. He says there are no feeling between them at all any longer. I do get scared that if she calls he may go see her and get those feelings for her back, and this start all over agian, that is why I feel that he should tell her never to call again. We are at the point where hesays that if I cannot forgive him, and stop dwelling on this that there is no reason for us to stay together, but he Loves me and wants no one but me, but he cannot deal with me anymore. Advice please!!!
Last edited by stayd2lng4u; 09-17-2008 at 04:44 PM.
Are you kidding me?!? He actually expects you to buy his line of bull-hooey that it is somehow your fault??!!! Please! He is the one who crossed the line, who more than likely cheated, who still has contact with the woman, lied to you about it all, and it is YOUR fault? What planet is he from? This is not your fault. No matter you may or may not have ever done-now or in the past, this situation is all his fault. You have every right to be angry, to have lost trust and to suspicious. If he doesn't like then too bad, he should have thought of that before he messed around. If he wants to repair this relationship, or more importantly, if you want to try to stay with him, then you must go to counseling. This is issue is too big, complicated and painful for you to have to deal with on your own. Plus he may not eve understand where you are coming from no matter how much you try to explain it, a professional may be able to break it down and help him "get" it. As far as he goes, well, I will keep my opinions to myself, but he needs to be transparent as far as you are concerned. If you want to know everything he does at any given moment, then he should let you know. If there is nothing left to hide then this won't be a problem.
Don't let him pull the it's your fault. That is just his slimy way of getting out of your crosshairs and getting the focus off of him and what he did, and putting on you. You are not to blame. Period. The only two people to blame are him and her. They share the blame equally. They both betrayed you. Him more, simply because he is your husband. She is just a backstabbing catty homewrecker.
Ok I am ranting for you. So sorry for all you have been through. Seriously, go to counseling even if he won't. Please take care of yourself and do whatever you need to in order to heal and be happy.
I think that from what you have described, there were and are feelings there between your husband and this woman. The fact that he even "thinks" it is ok to continue to speak to her over the phone is just plain wrong. His relationship (whether physical or just emotional) with this woman has caused him to make very poor decisions in your marriage so if he wants to stay in the marriage, she needs to go - that includes any and all contact with her. For two people who have had feelings for eachother and shared at the very least a kiss, I do not believe that the phone calls do not bring up feelings between the two of them - if not more.
My big problem here is that your husband is pinning the blame on you - that if you would let this go there would not be a problem. "Does it seem like this is my fault and that I should just drop it and forgive him and not say anything if she does check in on him." He's twisting things to make you feel like you have no right to ask questions or get answers about his indiscretions when in reality, he should be thankful that you are still at all! He is manipulating you and shifting the guilt from him to you. Please do not let this happen. Stand up for yourself and do not let him treat you and your marriage with such disrespect. Are you afraid that if you push the issue he will leave you? It seems there would have to be a reason why you would be so cautiously working through this, but I can't tell from your post what it may be.
I'm sure you are going to get a lot of strong responses here because this post really just brings out frustration and anger over what is going on and how your husband is treating you --- when you read these posts you will see that your husband should be thankful that you are as understanding as you are because some of these other women would still have him seeing stars!
What a jerk!!! How dare he keep on talking to this woman and expect you to wear it. He might as well be having sex with her, this is pretty much as bad. He is hanging on to the relationship with her to the detriment of his marriage, and your love and trust. Do not stop! You have every right to protest and insist on her being out of your lives. And do not buy his cr@p about you being to blame in any way. Call this woman and give her an earful too, see how he likes that! Sera.
I realized that I left out one very major part of my post, that is one of the most disturbing things to me about this, and one of the things I clearly don't understand. My husband has stated that this encounter with her happened before her and I really became close friends, and we started spending alot of time with her and her husband. I saw these looks between them during the time that we were with them, but my husband continued to reassure me that there was nothing between her and him. If she had propositioned him sexually at her house and he had refused her and said that he Loved me, why would he and I be going out with them and spending time at their house AFTER this happened, with him reassuring me that nothing had ever happened. Wouldn't he want to get far away from her, instead of spending more time with her and pushing me to be her friend. It seems that he should have been uncomfortable around her, and her around me, but even after that when we were all together she was still hanging on him. And this look that I witnessed was after this supposed encounter. He says that they just agreed to not let the relationship go further and stay friends. Is this possible? If one of our male friends had propositioned me I would have immediately went to my husband and told him that we could no longer spend time with them, not push for my husband to become closer friends with that man. He put me in a position where I became closer to her and that even makes it hurt worse, and I cannot understand why he would do that. We no longer go do things with them, but that is because I refuse and cut her off.
His explanation for becoming close to her is that he cannot talk to me, and we were going through a rough time and he confided in her because he had no one else. OK, I understand that, but the rest does not make sense.
My husband insists that he Loves me and only me, but that I cannot forgive him for his mistake. But when he says it, it doesn't seem heartfelt. It's more like OK, I made a mistake, get over it. I've said I'm sorry a hundred times, so drop it. And I would if she would stop popping back up, and if he had told me the truth from the beginning, not change the story everytime it comes up. The next time it may possibly be, oh, yeah, she performed oral sex on me, but I realized it was wrong and stopped her in the middle.
And to be very honest, if he did actually have sex with her, and he admitted it and was seriously sorry and never talked to her again. We could propbably fix our relationship and I would forgive him for it. But the story that he has produced just doesn't add up or make sense and I know that he is still talking to her, he may have never had sex with her, but she is still in the picture and I cannot get over that fact, and I don't think I should have to. why can't he understand that and just drop the b---- completely instead of telling me that I cannot drop what happened.
What a jerk!!! How dare he keep on talking to this woman and expect you to wear it. He might as well be having sex with her, this is pretty much as bad. He is hanging on to the relationship with her to the detriment of his marriage, and your love and trust. Do not stop! You have every right to protest and insist on her being out of your lives. And do not buy his cr@p about you being to blame in any way. Call this woman and give her an earful too, see how he likes that! Sera.
Seraph, I did talk to her, she told me that she never propostioned him and that nothing like that ever happened, that she Loves her husband and has never had any interest in my husband and that she didn't believe that my husband said any of that, that I was making it up because I have issues.
Seraph, I did talk to her, she told me that she never propostioned him and that nothing like that ever happened, that she Loves her husband and has never had any interest in my husband and that she didn't believe that my husband said any of that, that I was making it up because I have issues.
I'm guessing she said this because she doesn't want her husband finding ANY of this out. Too bad you didn't all get together anymore - you could ask them both point blank at the same time and see them start pointing fingers at eachother.
I'm guessing she said this because she doesn't want her husband finding ANY of this out. Too bad you didn't all get together anymore - you could ask them both point blank at the same time and see them start pointing fingers at eachother.
That was a good one!
Should you just forgive and forget?
In most of my posts on this board I will seldom say a categorical no or a categorical yes, because every story has two sides and often the poster is not telling the whole story, only her or his version.
But this one case - your case - is as clear as crystal. And it is enough, self-evident. We don't need to hear the other party. His explanations, on the other hand, are as clear as mud. I wouldn't believe one tenth of it. Nobody would, unless they were born yesterday.
I really don't think you need a new pair of glasses.
So, my answer to your question is no. He is playing with you. He is disrespecting you. He is confusing and confounding you.
I am really sorry you are going through this. I hope there are no children involved in this marriage, because this would only increase your pain.
I am rather skeptical about couple counselling for this case, because it is only you having those issues, right? But how am I to know? Anyway, I am afraid the next step would be your getting some legal advice.
Hello There,
Maybe you should talk to this womans husband or her Mom about it.
A lie detector test would be good for your husband to take, I know when a person is lying they have a significant decrease in strenth.
Have him squeez a weight scale as hard as he can to see how many pounds of pressure he has, have him do it a 2nd time while you ask him if he loves this woman, if it decreases you have busted him.
That would be my main concern if he loves her or not.
I remember you posted a few weeks ago or a bit longer about divorcing your husband. At that point you had already made up your mind and hired a lawyer. What happened with all of that?
I seem to be catching the end of this profound story. Not on your part but his of course. I've gone through the same thing you're going through about 20 times with my EX husband. Need I say more. You're going to have to decide when enough is enough. You say he keeps saying that he loves you. He has no feelings for her. Since when does love and sex share common ground. It's 2008. Times have changed. How many people do you know that slept with someone on the first date and I assure you it wasn't love. This is one of those times when you have to trust your gut. I kept ignoring my gut so much that I developed IBS. You seem to be a smart woman but don't let this man continue to manipulate you like he's been doing. And this woman needs to be slapped. Have you told her that her constant communication with your husband is putting a strain on your marriage and that you would like her to stop. That of course is the nice approach. Then if that doesn't work then tell him to choose. Turn the tables back on him.
It sounds like your husband is manipulating you and putting the blame on you. It is crazy making. Don't let him do this to you, trust your feelings about the situation. He sounds like a lier and cheater and is sleazy enough to point the finger at you as if this is your fault in some way. And, the woman says that you have issues. How about her issues, propositioning a married man.
I feel that your husband has used you in his deceptive game. It seems that he felt attracted to this woman and then he pushed you into a friendship with her. Why? Obviously so that he could easily see her often. If I were you, I would run, rather than walk away from him.
Don't let those two cheaters manipulate you into thinking that you have a problem and "issues". They are the ones with issues.
I am really sorry that you are going through this. If I were you, I would probably discuss this with her husband.
You have every right in the world to be upset. It seems to me that your husband and this woman wanted you all to be friends as a means to cover their "relationship". I don't believe for one moment that there isn't more going on that is why he is so defensive. They have it cooked up between them that you are the delusional one (her saying you have issues, please! ).
The truth is you are NEVER going to get over it because he isn't willing to give her up. He has lied to you so many times (to spare you ) that it is now impossible for you to ever trust a word that comes out of his mouth. If he were truly sorry and wanted forgiveness she would be out of your lives for good and he would be an open book with everything. But he's not. He's still carrying on and thinks he is doing a good job hiding it IMO. If you want to try to work through this and save your marriage then 1)all contact with her needs to stop asap, and 2)you need to seek marriage counselling. If he isn't willing to do either of these your marriage doesn't stand a chance.
I also like the idea of the four of you getting together and you confronting them together in front of her husband. Of course, I would also do it with some proof like cell phone records showing how much they actually talk. I would also try to get into emails or anything else I could just to keep proving what liars they are. Then, with both of them there, I would hand all of this to her husband and say "I thought you should know what our spouses have been up to". Let them try to call you delusional when you have proof.
Honestly, I think you are better off getting far away from your husband. He shows no compassion for what he has done. But the choice is your's on what to do. Marriages can get past affairs, but usually the first step is total honesty and cutting the other person out. That hasn't happened. Don't burry your head in the sand on this one. You are not to blame, but sitting back and accepting his behavior is just as wrong. You deserve better!
Wow what a jerk. This is shocking. Really shocking.
I have never been married nor has a man cheated on me but an ex of mine showed NO compassion for several things he did so wrong and hurt me so much I was in a state for years trying to forgive him, trying to see if I didn't have a problem, there would be no problem, because him just being with me should be enough. I couldn't do it, so I would break up with him often, but he would get me back each time - not because he truely loved me or begged for me back but because he kept saying I needed to give things more time, I needed to let go. He made me think it was all my fault and I held the solution. I loved him so much I let him do this to me. I suffered, and I am still not over things that happened two years ago.
YOU cannot let this situation continue. I am surprised you have done for this long but I can understand because I have been there.
If it were my husband, I swear, I would have asked him to leave (no not asking, I would have chucked him out) or I would have left.
It is awful what this pair have done to you, really awful. But now you need to act to defend yourself otherwise things are only going to get worse for you, believe you me.
You obviously still love your husband and want to make it work.
But why?
I am so sorry to say this but I don't think this will work out.
Do you trust him?
Do you believe what he says?
No.
And it is only going to get worse because you will always be wondering what he is doing and whether what he is telling you is the truth or not.
I think one day youre going to wake up and its gonna hit you real bad what these people have done to you.
My recommendation - seperate with him for a few months. Seek counselling for yourself. Move yourself away and have some time for yourself to think about what it is you really want - counselling will help so much. Then decide what you want whether that is a divorce or couples counselling.
Step back before you make a huge mistake.
I use to forgive and forget. But I am not so giving anymore. I've learnt the hard way.
Last edited by bluesky123; 09-18-2008 at 05:24 AM.
Well, I don't understand how your husband can expect you to "drop it" and forgive him when what he did wrong is still ongoing. He says he kissed this woman, and she wanted to have sex, and she's saying no such thing ever happened. IT sounds like the two of them are playing games with you.
If your husband really wanted you and wanted you to forgive him he'd change his cell number and make sure this woman never contacted him again and he'd EARN your trust back. He's not going that. Something is still going on between them. Once that live has been crossed and improper feelings and communication has taken place, that person must be cut out of his life completely in order for him to turn back to his marriage. He's pretty cheeky demaning you trust him when he hasn't done anything to prove to you that he should be trusted. It sounds like he's just trying to snow you, not trying to rebuild his marriage. If he really didn't want to lose you, he'd be jumping through hoops to amke you happy and show you he can be trusted and that she's out of his life completely for good. He's not. It's pretty simple. He's choosing her over you.
I remember you posted a few weeks ago or a bit longer about divorcing your husband. At that point you had already made up your mind and hired a lawyer. What happened with all of that?
I got a lawyer last month the day after I confronted my husband about her still calling him, during that converstaion was when he admitted that she had come on to him, he stated that he turned her down, but said that he gave her a kiss on the forehead and told her that he Loved me and wouldn't do that to me. After telling me all this time that nothing like that had ever happened. During that conversation I asked him to call her and tell her never to call him again and completely cut her off. He said that wasn't necassary, that nothing happened between them and I should accept that, and I shouldn't have a problem with her calling once in a while, that the problem with our marriage was that I cannot forgive him for becoming close to her and that all we do is argue about her and I won't drop it, and that I should be glad that he turned her down. I was so devastated that he had continued to lie to me for a year about what happened and had insisted that I become friends with her, plus he also changed his story at least 4 different times about the recent phone call. When I saw it in his phone he said that his phone was answered by a coworker, who brought the phone to him and said it was her, and that he said he didn't want to talk to her, then he accidently later in our conversation said that all she had asked him was how he was doing. I said, you told me that you didn't talk to her, he said, well she called back, I looked in his phone and there was no other call from her, and then he said well, maybe I called her back, I cannot remember. And one of the main problems with the story is that he had an "appt" that day and her call came into his phone 10 minutes before he left work early for that appt. I have no idea wheather he really went to an appt. or to see her. So the inconsistancies in the story made me lose trust that I had built up, so I got an attorney. Now during this time he has told me over and over how much he Loves me and I'm all he wants, and why can't I trust him, that he had the opportunity to cheat and he turned it down, and I should be so greatful. If this is the truth than I am very glad that he Loves me enough to turn her down. But Now the story changes this past weekend, the propostion story has changed to he french kissed her and realized during the kissing session that he was making a mistake. Why can't I get over this, because it keeps changing, and he still insists that she should be able to call, he even wanted us to go to her daughter's birthday party, and he said that we can't because I won't forgive him. He threw this at me last weekend, and I asked when he talked to her about her daughter's b-day party and he said that her daughter called and invited us a couple of months ago. But her daughters b-day is in 2 weeks, I remember this because last year at her b-day party was when I saw the look. So he obviously has talked to her recently. He keeps throwing these guilt trips my way, but all they do is add more inconsistancies to his stories. My divorce is on file, I haven't stopped it, I am just so scared that I am making a mistake and giving up a man who did turn down sex because he Loves me, and I do want to trust him, but things keep coming up. Like I said before I asked him to just be completely straight up with me and tell me everything, we would deal with it and get past it and I would forgive him, but with the story changing constantly I cannot get over it because he isn't allowing me to. Then he tells me, that it doesn't matter and it wasn't important to him and he doesn't remember the details, that he has blocked that out and tried to forget it. Well, it sure didn't seem like he was trying to forget it when he was taking me to her house almost every weekend after it supposedly happened.
If your husband really wanted you and wanted you to forgive him he'd change his cell number and make sure this woman never contacted him again and he'd EARN your trust back.
He's not going that. Once that live has been crossed and improper feelings and communication has taken place, that person must be cut out of his life completely in order for him to turn back to his marriage. He's pretty cheeky demaning you trust him when he hasn't done anything to prove to you that he should be trusted. It sounds like he's just trying to snow you, not trying to rebuild his marriage. If he really didn't want to lose you, he'd be jumping through hoops to amke you happy and show you he can be trusted and that she's out of his life completely for good. He's not. It's pretty simple. He's choosing her over you.
This is exactly what I told him anyone would say, that the only way that our relationship could work and me trust him is if he cut her completely off. He says that is just me being ridiculous and there is no reason why I cannot trust him even with her still calling. If he Loves me so much and has NO emotional feeling for her at all, then what should be the problem with getting her completely out of our lives. Why should I be the one who has to comprimise and accept them being friends. And how did he just cut his feeling off completely for her. She obviously hasn't stopped caring for him, she isn't calling my phone to see how we are, she calls him at work. And now he'll come home and tell me, Oh, I just want you to know that she called me today, so you don't find out later and start a fight about it. I'm trying to be completely honest with you. All this does is just break my heart again, and then I dwell on, what they talked about, did he talk to her or did he go see her.
I am trying so hard to move on and get over this and keep my marriage together, and he is doing such a good job of making me feel like our marriage is going to end because I cannot forgive him. And he has also thrown it in my face that I forgave my first husband for actually having a sexual affair, and that I must have Loved my first husband more than I Love him, since he didn't even have a real affair. He told me to stop making him pay for my first husband's mistakes.
Oh, and I should state that my husband is close to 50 years old, this isn't a case of young people who are immature and cannot handle the stresses that are dealt with in marriage,and end up putting themselves in bad situations because they aren't oldenough to deal with marriage yet. He has grown children. We do not have children together, he felt he was too old to start over with young kids. This happened between to older adults that know better and should not be playing games with anybody. No matter what problems were going on in either of their marriages they should be mature enough to work it out, and not put me or her own husband through such BS. Her complaint about her husband is that his parents became old and sick and were unable to run their business, so he being the oldest child left his good paying job in the big city and moved them back home to run his parents business and help them, now he doesn't make the kind of money she is used to having. BOOHOO! So she wants my husband who has a good job. She has a good husband, who seems to adore her, although I do not know why, she was b----ing that they couldn't afford to go to their timeshare in Mexico because he doesn't make good money anymore. My husbands coment to that was, well the 3 of us can go without your husband and have a threesome. He told her this last year, and then told me that he told her that. I asked her if he said it and she said Oh my God he told you he said that, and she laughed, said it was a joke and not to tell her husband about it. That's when I decided that I had had enough of going to their house, oh and this comment between them also happened after the supposed propositon. So why, if they were so guiltridden and it was such a mistake was a sexual comment like that made after that?
Well, I'm guessing your first husband didn't keep in contact with the woman he had an affair with and that's what helped you forgive that, am I right?
My guess is, your husband is right, your marriage is going to end soon, but not because you won't trust him, but because he's into this other chick and quite frankly doesn't care how you feel about it. He's just shifting the blame on you. If you have the money, I'd suggest hiring a private investigator to tail him for a few days and see what's up. If you do end up getting divorced, you will come out a WHOLE lot better in the settlement if you can prove adultery. Even emotional adultery. If he makes the judge think you were just a shrewish untrusting, jealous wife, it could make a difference in what you get in the settlement.
At best, your husband is a selfish, thick headed idiot who can't or won't understand what it's doing to your heart and your spirit to know that some woman who threw herself at him, who still wants him, who he kissed, is still calling him and he's taking her calls and talking to her and considering her a friend when she has tried outright to undermine his marriage, which he claims to care oh so much about. At worst, he's a world class liar and manipulator who is having an out and out affair with this woman and doesn't want to get caught so told you just enough to make him look innocent, make it look lik eit's all your fault, and still give himself a reason to be around her and stay in contact with her. A detective will be able to tell you better what's really going on. I think it would be well worth the money spent.
Does your husband even have an ounce of decency in him?
He is unbelievable! You are suppose to put him on a pedastal because he turned down her "propostition" and stayed faithful to you? Are you kidding me? Any woman in your situation would know in her gut not only did he sleep with this tramp but he did it on more than one occassion and wants to continue doing it while married to you. The fact that he throws the forgiveness you showed to your exhusband is so low. I'm sure your ex was honest with you and didn't keep in contact with this woman, am I correct? How dare he say you are punishing him for your ex's mistakes? Talk about gaslighting!
My favorite part (and I'm not trying to be funny here at all) is how he wanted you to go to Mexico for a threesome and her response was to laugh and say "don't tell my husband". If it was just a "joke" wouldn't her husband laught it off? Of course not, he probably has the same feelings in his gut that you do.
I like Larrylou'smom's idea. Take some of his hard earned money and put it towards a detective that can catch them in the act and provide you with the evidence you need for an uncontested divorce. I would also give a copy of whateve the detective dug up to her husband.
Yeah, I think it's really the only thing left for you to do at this point. You're at a stale mate. He thinks he hasn't really done anything wrong, he was "honest" with you, which I really am not so sure he has been completely honest and transparent, but you feel that there was improper contact between them and in order for him to turn BACK to you and to the marriage, all contact needs to be broken off with this woman. I agree, any woman here, and even Dr. Phil would agree. But he can't see why he has to. "Hey I didn't actually do her. I like being around her, and we're just friends, and as long as I'm not "doing" her, you shouldn't care." He just doesn't get that it doesn't work that way. So have him followed for a week. Have his cell phone records dumped. It won't be cheap but at least it will break the stalemate. If he is up to something more than just an emotional affair with this woman, then at least you'll know. If nothing else is going on, then you can decide whether you are ok with their relationship being flirty and almost crossing the line but not quite, or if you want more from marriage than this man will ever give you. At least you will have the facts and there will be no "what ifs" left.
Please! He is the one who crossed the line, who more than likely cheated, who still has contact with the woman, lied to you about it all, and it is YOUR fault? What planet is he from? This is not your fault. No matter you may or may not have ever done-now or in the past, this situation is all his fault. You have every right to be angry, to have lost trust and to suspicious. If he doesn't like then too bad, he should have thought of that before he messed around. If he wants to repair this relationship, or more importantly, if you want to try to stay with him, then you must go to counseling. This is issue is too big, complicated and painful for you to have to deal with on your own. Plus he may not eve understand where you are coming from no matter how much you try to explain it, a professional may be able to break it down and help him "get" it. As far as he goes, well, I will keep my opinions to myself, but he needs to be transparent as far as you are concerned. If you want to know everything he does at any given moment, then he should let you know. If there is nothing left to hide then this won't be a problem.
