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What happened to my girlfriend!?

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Old 10-30-2008, 07:54 PM   #1
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What happened to my girlfriend!?

Hey there. {removed} im 19 years old,{removed} . I have just recently been dumped by my girlfriend who is 22 years old and alot more experienced than me with relationships. But she still loves me.

Let me get all of the issues off my chest. i had been with my gorgeous girlfriend for about 8 months. We were very good friends before we were together, similar music taste, movies, art etc... the first 6 months was sunshine and flowers... we fell deeply in love with eachother. By the 3rd month she was crazy about me and i about her... she asked me to move in with her for the next annual year for university. ofcourse i thought it was too soon, but she managed to convince me by crying and pointing out the fact that we had already been pretty much living with eachother since we got together as we were in student halls.
She loved me so much {removed}. Towards the holidays she even bought me a ticket to go with her to her home in France. She then came to my home in Spain again paying for her own tickets. The time we were away from eachother, for only a month and a couple of days, we missed eachother like crazy. She would text me everyday and let me know that she missed me terribly and loved me so much...

Then suddenly september hits, the 6th month of our relationship. We move in together with two of our other close friends.
First few weeks were ok, but she started to enjoy the sex less, she was on contraceptive pills at the time but by mid september she stopped taking them. Weeks continued and it seemed like she had completely lost her sex drive for me.
{removed} This was not true and i think i managed to convince her so. I just thought i was not performing well enough so i kept trying harder, she knows that im always more worried about her satisfaction rather than mine. She said she wasnt attracted to me anymore but she really enjoyed having me around. So i told her could wait how ever long it takes till she wants me again. However this placed boundary between us. Knowing how she felt i wasnt too sure how much i could kiss her, i felt uncomfortable when holding her. She never gave me more than a peck on the lips. Thus this made me very frustrated
We went on like this for a couple weeks until she told me she was very confused about what she wants. I have never done anything to hurt her, i always try hard to make her happy, but she just didnt seem happy anymore. During the first six months she said she had never been happier with anyone else.
She said she still loves me, but she was still traumatized from what i did to her. I kept trying to tel her that i wasnt trying to{removed} her, i never considered it as that, to me it was always making love. Besides, if she didnt want sex she sould have told me. She says she is very sorry that she didnt step up and tell me, apparently she didnt because she didnt want to hurt me or lose me so she let me do it. She said that she didnt want to see me frustrated and hurting anymore and wished that we never got together so that i would never have to deal with all of this because she didnt know how long it would take for things to get better. This hurt me alot. So i asked her what did she want to do. She didnt know, she was too confused.
Personally i thought she felt that she got me into this and was too scared to dump me: she took the first move and told me she loved me, she convinced me that i should move in with her, she bought me tickets to Paris, she said i was the best boyfriend shes ever had etc...
At the end of that particular talk, we were too overwhelmed and tired as it was past bedtime. But she told me she wanted to be in my arms. that night we ended up sleeping in the same bed together. We told eachother we ll keep trying.
After a couple days i asked her if she ever got sexually frustrated and whether she could find other people attractive. She said that she hasnt found anyone she is attracted to yet but she did say she got a bit sexually frustrated but just didnt want me to satisfy it. She said she would masterbate. It was that day I left to my friends place while she was away. I left her a present with a letter saying that i had gone away for while to give her space to think, i asked to remind herself about the good times we had, and told her i was really sorry i traumatized you and that i hated myself for doing so. The next day after she had read the letter she had dumped me. apparently the spark she used to have had left. Things like the fact that I am a bad listener and very dozy were things that she used to find cute, now it kinda anoys her. However she still honestly loves me. She told me she was sorry for everything and she couldnt help how she felt. She says she really misses how we used to be aswell, but the truth is i didnt change, it was her! Is this even possible, can someone loose such intense love in a space of one month. 2 months ago She was crazy about me, she was jeolous of other girls around me! She was always worried she would loose me, she found me incredibly sexy. Everyone told me how irresistable she was to me. I would do everything to make her happy and i would never do anything to hurt her.
Now im in the worse situation imaginable. Im still staying at my friends house still, but eventually i have to go back. Luckily we have seperate rooms (we decided this before so that we could habe our own privacy when we needed it). She says she can be discreet so i wouldnt have to see her too much. She said she wouldnt mind being friends again. But for me its too painfull to even have a glimpse of her. I love her too much. Ive never been more hurt in my life. This all happened too suddenly over only one month. It didnt build up over a long period. She still loves me! would she ever have feelings for me again. Will she ever want me back? Do you think she needs help. How could she loose what we had! I want her back soo much. Its been one weeks since she had dumped me and im still crying myself to sleep. Should i give myself hope. I do still have to live with her soon. How can i proceed?

Last edited by Moderator BAC; 10-31-2008 at 06:57 AM. Reason: This board is an anonymous support board only.

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Old 10-30-2008, 10:08 PM   #2
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Re: What happened to my girlfriend!?

One of two things has been happening here - either she has been trying to let you down gently, or she has been toying with you. I do not believe that she is confused, she knows exactly what she wants and it is to break up with you. Sorry to be blunt, but she has done everything but say "Read my lips". YOU are the one who is still in love, she is not. I am sorry, but I think that she has made up her mind that the relationship is over. She is being a bit insensitive offering little scraps of hope like she has been. All you can do is to live and learn. I would be interested in hearing her version of the sex incidents. How she felt about that seems to have played a big part in her decision. Move out as soon as you can, and keep your dignity intact. Begging will not work in the long run anyway. Sera.

Last edited by Seraph; 10-30-2008 at 10:08 PM.

Old 10-31-2008, 12:16 AM   #3
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Re: What happened to my girlfriend!?

I'm very sorry for your pain. I know how it feels to have someone break up with you seemingly overnight. It is horrible. I would try as best as I can to not have any hopes of getting back together. It's unlikely that she will want to get back together, and having false hopes will make you more sad eventually. I speak from experience. When this happened to me, I would have been much better off if I had accepted the break-up earlier without clinging on to false hopes and still trying to contact him etc.. That sucks that you have to live with her. I would try to avoid that if at all possible.

Old 10-31-2008, 01:32 AM   #4
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Re: What happened to my girlfriend!?

I Don't belive a word of what she says. She is no longer in love with you and I doubt very much that she was in love in the first place. You didn't over do it sexually by being more forceful but she picked that to make you feel bad about yourself. I don't know what her problem is but being honest isn't her strong suit. It is time for you to find a place of our own and get over this gal. As long as you are in that house with her she will manipulate you and you need to move on. Next time don't be so quick to move in together...there is no reason for you to stay there now. And I wouldn't let her keep saying you 'hurt' her without ending that conversation by just simply saying you didn't do anything intentionally and you are sorry but you aren't going to discuss that issue any more with her and if it comes up again walk away without comment. You really do need to move out and away from her. Good luck.. I do hope you use/used condoms

Old 10-31-2008, 09:24 AM   #5
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Re: What happened to my girlfriend!?

I think that she wanted to break up with you, but instead of being honest, she was being manipulative by trying to make you feel like you did something wrong. Honestly, she doesn't sound like a nice person and in the long run you'll be glad she broke up with you. You didn't do anything wrong. Move out as fast as you can.

Old 11-07-2008, 01:22 PM   #6
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Re: What happened to my girlfriend!?

i think all of you have a point, but the probem is how can she change her whole opinion in a very short space of time, i loved her so much and i know she loved me as much. When we broke up she was very sorry about how everything ended up. Yesterday i went to speak to her (5 days into the break up). i have had the worse week of my life. ive become very depressed, anti social and even sucidal. Ive been staying with my friends just to stay away from her. But on Saturaday i was forced to see her for our halloween party. it hurt so much to see the person you love the most but cant speak to her because you know she doesnt want you anymore and you know you cant handle her being just your friend. she seemed to be enjoying the party alot where as i was extremely anti social and all i wanted to do was to moan about how my life had fallen to pieces. everything was terrible, i had been in so much pain this week it was unbearable, and knowing she was living her life like nothing had happened hurt me even more. the following morning i told her how i felt, she was hungover. I wanted to speak to her about the apratment situation: i told her how much pain i was going through. I explained to her how much i missed her, how much i loved her, and the only way to for me deal with this was for one of us to move out. i was hoping she would except that she brought into this. But she didnt, and she ended up being fed up of me moaning and she just telling me to "to go to my room and work on my course beacause being in my room wont make you feel better, just go to your room!" that just set me off. I smashed the painting i gave her for her birthday. A very expensive frame with my painting that she said she loved. she was furious. But I told myself how could she treat me like that, treat me like a child by telling me to go to my room! For the following 2 hours she locked herself in her room and i sat outside feeling guilty about what i had just did and asking her to open the door so i could apologize. She finally accepted my apology but said she didn’t care anymore. She’s been mean to me ever since and I just keep apologizing. She is very manipulative and I am a pushover. I just love her too much, and it wasn’t just me, 2 months ago she was just as crazy about me, she even cried when we had to leave each other for the holidays. She was always scared that she'd do something to loose me. She was so irresistible to me and I to her. It just doesn’t seem right. She just lost it, lost the spark so fast. She became a completely different person to me but the memory of us kills me. Can this happen to people? Just feel so happy with a person, she said she had never been happier with anyone else. She said she loved me, but she just lost it. Is this even possible?

Last edited by DeadMemory; 11-07-2008 at 01:32 PM.

Old 11-07-2008, 01:49 PM   #7
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Re: What happened to my girlfriend!?

I'm a little concerned with your violent behavior. Smashing a painting is violent, and I can see how she might be fearful. It doesn't matter how frustrated you may feel, that was the wrong thing to do if you are hoping to reconcile.

That being said, this sounds like an unhealthy relationship. If your feelings about the situation can incite you to violence, she is not the one for you. You are better off without her. I know that's hard to accept, but you don't need to be with someone who you lose control of yourself around.

Old 11-07-2008, 02:24 PM   #8
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Re: What happened to my girlfriend!?

You have to realize at your age that you do a lot of growing and changing as you experience more in life. No matter how much you love someone or whatever the circumstances it just happens. You have to accept it and stop trying to figure out the "whys" of it all. What you are doing to yourself if just not healthy.

Did you stop to think that maybe, just maybe, she has been having these thoughts for longer than you realize? I mean, I dated a guy when I was around your age for 4 years. That is a looooong time at that age. Despite how much I loved him I knew deep down he just wasn't the one for me. He, like you, was very devistated when I broke up with him. He eventually had to move back to his home state and get away from me to move on. I tried doing the "friend" thing with him but it wasn't possible because he wanted more. Does that make sense?

I think for your own good and sanity you need to move out. Don't expect her to do anything about it. She is not with you anymore and no matter how much it hurts you have to accept it and respect her decision. Getting away from her and the situation will help you tremendously.

If all of this is making you depressed, suicidal, and violent then you really should seek a therapist. You may need some help dealing with all of this. You will be okay once you accept things and move on with some help. It won't happen over night but it will happen if you allow it to.

Old 11-08-2008, 02:50 AM   #9
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Re: What happened to my girlfriend!?

Some people are addicted to the high one can get from a new relationship.
After 6 months or a year. They end it. As for a reason. Noone is going to admit they crave this feeling. It's a sign of immaturity. S o the person will find a reason.
Stop talking to her. Move on, without any questions.

If your still hung up over a six month relationship. It will pass. You may hear about her next relationship ending abruptly in about a year.
You will smile from the knowledge of knowing that you could've been married to this type of woman.

Old 11-08-2008, 10:35 PM   #10
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Re: What happened to my girlfriend!?

To answer your question, although I obviously can't say for sure why her feelings faded so fast, it's probably that she didn't really "love you" to begin with. Real love is truly caring for another person's well-being as much as or more than you care about yourself. It doesn't just fade overnight and it can't turn into hate when things go wrong. When people talk about their ex-partners and say I hate him and I want to cause him pain but I still love him soo much - they don't really love that person. They are infatuated, addicted, obsessed, whatever. She probably was like that with you. Puppy love/infatuation feels very romantic and passionate, but it is very dependent and clingy and not real, pure love. That's probably what she felt for you, as it sounds like it was very intense and you guys were clinging on to each other. I agree with the previous poster as well, some people are addicted to romance and don't want to stay committed when reality sets in.

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