A few details...I am 48, my sister 51 (the sociopath), my parents are in their 80's. My parents live 1 mile from me, and my family. My sister lives 1 mile beyond that (alone in a 3 bedroom house my parents provide for her).
My sister's behavior has been absolutely dispicable her entire adult life. I have long since cut off communication with her, but my parents have not. My mother is the main victim of her own daughter's sociopathy, and I won't stand for it another minute. My mother is the sweetest, most undeserving person in this world to live like she has, under my sister's evil torture.
I have been educationg myself on sociopathy, have read articles, books ("The sociopath next door"), and read all I can from the internet. I have shared everything I have learned with my parents, to help them put a name to this devastating disorder, and to help them escape her.
She has been confronted by the police at least 5 times in the last 3-4 month's, with elder abuse (twice), fraud, falsifying finacial records, destruction of property, and impersonating law enforcement, and threatening suicide. Somehow, she is still free to continue this behavior, as she is a pathological liar, and very good at getting herself out of trouble.
At this point, her web of lies is beginning to unravel...My folks have seen the light, and have put their foot down-telling her she needs to get out of their house, and get out of their life (which is good).
My concern is retaliation. When crossed, she is meaner than a snake, and will stop at nothing to get revenge. Until now, she has had many victims to choose from and has been ruthless to her "friends" as soon as they confront her, becoming lifelong enemies.
I do not hesitate to call law enforcement whenever I have just cause, and I have shared my fears with them, but until she does something illegal to me or my folks, I have no legal options. My parents and I are fearful of what's next. She does have a handgun, but when officer's were there 2 days ago after the suicide threats, she lied to them and told her she sold it.
She has repeatedly threatened to blow her head off in the home my parents provide for her, and often tells them she's loading her gun during conversations where my parents confront her. I call the cops, and they show up, and find her sane enough not to be held for psych evaluation, as she can talk herself out of anything.
Since the last time I called (which was Halloween), I have been getting hang-up calls day and night, and I am just waiting for something to happen next. I have vowed to my parents that I will stand between them and my sister, and help protect them from this crazy crazy woman who lives for revenge.
I do not contact her, nor does she contact me or my kids. My poor mother takes the brunt of it, and her health is being compromised. I will not let anybody hurt my parents or my children.
p.s. My sister was adopted from a woman my mother worked with in 1957. It turns out she was also a pathological liar, and scam artist who conned my folks into giving her extra money throughout the pregnancy, to continue the adoption process.
Does anyone have any suggestions for me, or my sweet parents. I don't know what I would do if any harm came to them because of my "sister". Before things got so out of control, I have kept out of it, giving my parents the respect to work it out their way.
Thank you for reading this, any suppoprt or ideas would be welcome and appreciated. I know these boards are home to some very insightful and knowledgeable poster's.
I just want to tell you that I feel so bad for you. I've read some previous posts of yours and your sister sounds downright scary. It is a hard situation because the police can't do anything unless she gives them a reason to act. I want to ask you if your kids are safe. Does she know where they are? I am so sorry that your parents are paying such a horrible price for adopting a child. What a nightmare. If she wants to blow herself up, it really is her choice, I just feel concerned for you, your parents and your kids. Has she ever threatened you or the rest of the family? If she has, then you do have something to report her for. Please keep us posted. I wish you the best.
Negot, Thank you for your thoughtful words. I always find your insight very helpful, and I appreciate you remembering my other post's about my "sister".
Thankfully my children are as safe as possible. My oldest child is 24, and living in another state. My youngest child is 14, and does go to high school near her house, but he would avoid her like the plague if he saw her, or her car. Neither of my children can stand her. Since she has not been privy to any details about them for years, she is not familiar with their hangouts, friends, sports or activities. The only real threat she poses to my kids is if she were to attack us in our home, or at a holiday meal. I think.
Her birthday is this Friday, and she always starts something and creates havoc all through the holidays-every year. of course, we don't celebrate anything together, because she turns every occasion as a chance to hurt my mother. Her typical M.O. is this...She will refuse any birthday gifts, cards or cake. She will then accuse them of favoring me, because my birthday is around Thanksgiving and I love my birthday tremendously. I couldn't enjoy anything better than a special lunch or dinner, some simple little gifts, and cake and ice cream with my parents, hubby, children and friends.
I will leave it at that for now. There's always a new story with her in our life. Thanks again...I'll keep you "posted" ha ha
Last edited by writeleft; 11-03-2008 at 10:20 PM.
Reason: spelling error
Your parents need to get a restraining order. This will start a paper trail of proof, and for that alone it is useful. I think all they have to do is show that they feel that they are under threat to take it out, then it is up to your sister to deny ot or whatever. Maybe in court, she will have less chance to wriggle out of it - those judges have seen it all and are quite good at reading a situation. Get a phone tap device from Radio Shack (about $100) and monitor her calls. If she threatens them over the phone, then that is illegal. All this is to establish that she is harrassing them. Can you tell whether those hangups come from her phone? You may still be in fear of her going berserk, but at least, this way, you are protecting yourselves to some extent. This is really difficult to deal with, because there is nothing to relate to in her - no empathy, no conscience, no remorse. I wish you all the best, keep strong, Sera
Yes you or your parents can get a restraining order and be sure to get your parents one of those phones that has a 'panic button' if they push it the police will come. Also if your sister threatens suicide...let her. You know that is just something she does to get your attention and apparently she has found your 'soft' spot...or at least she can count on you to react. I wouldn't respond to it nor would I care that she did blow her own brains out in her own home(who cares who bought it for her)...at least she is old enough to know if she wants to kill herself or not. My guess is she wants to live she just likes pulling your chain. However, never allow someone to hold you 'hostage' to their threats of suicide. Good luck and I'm sorry you have to deal with this person she sounds like pure evil.
Seraph, Thank you... I respect your opinions and appreciate your suggestions.
The restraining order is a smart next step, one I can take now. I can keep her away from my house legally that way.
My parents need to have contact until she gets out of their rental house. She got 2 weeks notice to leave. More fuel for the fire, but better sooner than later!
The phone tap is a perfect idea for me to get for my parents. Since no one can talk to her face to face, she does use the phone to work over my mom. Nothing says it best than her own words, and taping her calls would be more documented evidence.
please don't get yourself upset if she threatens suicide......in my opinion, that's usually a manipulation tactic, and not to be mean but as the other poster said.....if she's really serious......let her......
sad to say but the world would be a better place without her.
It makes me so mad that she's terrorrizing your parents, the people that raised her, gave her a chance in life, been there for her. Your parents don't deserve that.
You are right, and I do find her use of suicide threats to be dispicable. Particularly because she makes a point of saying she would do it it in the home my parents provide her, knowing my parents would have to clean it up. As awful as this is to say, I doubt she has the guts to kill herself. It's just a well placed repulsive threat. That's why I call the cops when she does it, I think it is filthy tactic, and the more times the cops have to show up at her door, the better.
I was bummed to see anbother post about your crazy sister. I feel so badly for your elderly parent, mine are the same age, and for you as well.
I agree with every other poster about the phone aids to get, and also the restraining order. The best thing is the restraining order, and if you take your parents down to file one, thats even better.
Also, when she says shes going to blow her brains out, let her. Rose beat me to it, but sorry, youd all be better off. Also tell her that they hire a cleaning crew from the jail to do that stuff. That ought to shut her up. what a terrible situation. I would gret the cops SO tired of going over there. The more calls they get, the faster something WILL happen. If you want the cops to take her handgun, call them and tell them she has a gun that isnt registered and that she is threatening you with it. They will take is fast. Trust me.
Hang in there!
P.S. Can you take your parents to a resturant or some place other than a family home for ANY holiday meals, ect. or birthday celebrations? That way she wont know where you will be. Just a thought.
Thank you IZZY'sMOM, yet another of the wonderful poster's on these boards that I appreciate and respect. And that goes to all of you, who take the time to read and respond to other's questions, in such a loving and caring way.
I have to admit, when I found these boards I dove right in...replying to various health related topics that I have had experience with...and there's quite a few of em!
That's how I have come to "meet" each of you, and I must say posting this has been quite difficult for me. First of all, it's embarrasing, and awful. I'd much rather be supporting someone else's issue than revealing this one about myself. But, how important your support and suggestions are to me right now. More to follow, until then....
The idea about moving the holiday dinners, etc., is one I need to discuss with my parents right away.
My mother so loves the holiday cooking, the special table, the heirloom dishes, the warm kitchen...The very idea of a family tradition being broken in fear of my sister will be a hard pill to swallow for my sweet mother. She is still grappling with the whole issue being potentialy dangerous. She discounts the possibility of my sister doing physical harm to anyone. I don't.
I would love to break the tradition, even if it's just this year...I'll have to cook up something creative for this year, and quick, and good! Martha Stewart, I'm not, ha ha
You are so kind with the compliments, and I just want you to know that you have all of my support.
I really think the reason for moving the holiday traditions would make a statement to your sister. One that would say..."You arent welcome to bring your crazy to our family time, especially on Holidays." Of course, she sounds like one who isnt the least bit interested in what is best for anyone but her, and Im sure it will send her over the edge, when she finds out you are not at any regular family home where she can cause her wrath but, that you have stood your ground and not allowed her to continue her childish, nasty ways. Perhaps, if you explained it to your mother this way, she would be willing this year to try something different. Also remember this...If you are at a public place and your sister starts her "thing" you will have plenty of witnesses, and if she causes trouble in a public place the cops will really look take her behavior more seriously. Sad, but true...
Got through her birthday, without much drama... Yeah!
My mother met her for lunch at a nearby restaurant, where my husband and I go frequently, and know most of the staff. I had dropped in before the appointed meeting time, and spoke with the manager. She offered to keep her eyes open for any commotion (without either of them knowing). Things went well, and my mother was safely home within an hour.
So far, so good
Again, thanks all for your support!
Yesterday my mother met with a Psychologist (PhD) to discuss the toll my sociopathic "sister" has put on her after all these years of relentless abuse.
This was a huge step for my dear mom, who is from a time when "families kept their problems to themselves" and mental illness was not discussed openly. Most of it was not even understood, as it is today.
First the Dr. had to evaluate my mom, which threw her for a loop. Once that was done, my mom had her chance to describe the situation briefly. Within a few minutes, the good doctor leaned in real close and asked "Would you like me to help you dissassociate from this person"? My mother was shocked, and had to really stop and catch her breath! She took a few minutes to comprehend the question, and replied "yes".
So, they will meet again in 5 days to begin to devise the plan to "dissassociate"! What a great doctor-I am so thankful and relieved to have this wonderful support person for my mom and dad! Oh happy day
sounds like your mom's had enough and is ready to move forward......
that's a great big step!
Congratulate her and give her a great big hug!
Good luck, things can only get better from here on out.
btw I read that book too, the sociopath next door........an EXCELLENT read!