This past May my daughter finally met the guy she's known for 2-1/2 yrs. but only as a phone or email pal. They originally met because he was her student loan counsler. He lives a 6 hr. drive away. After meeting in May, he flew down to vacation with us all at the seashore for 5 days. Then she flew up to his parents home (he is 38, divorced, no kids and lives at home with his parents) in Sept. and again in Oct. She is 27 and lives at home, paying for a large student loan. She has a great job 15 min. from the house, paying $60,000/yr. I told her to ask him to fly down and spend Thanksgiving with us but his "MOM" didn't like the idea and wanted him to be there with her dad and his dad for the holiday, so he told my daughter he couldn't come. BUT she has to fly up there again (she pays her own airfare and yet splits the meal bills when they eat out while up there)the week bet. christmas and new years. He wants her to move up there and share an apt. this coming March. I tell my daughter that #1 he obeys his mama about thanksgiving, but yet he wants her to give up a great job, and her whole family (we are a very close family) she has 2 brothers, uncles, 2 nephews, 1 neice, her doggie and much more family. I know 6 hr drive isn't all that, but that would happen once in a long while and we don't have tons of money extra for airline tickets. She thinks I am wrong to feel he's selfish and should not expect her to leave everything for someone she only met in person 4x and who is an apparent mama's boy, plus no engagement ring. what do you think she should do?
So she is going to give up her whole life for a man she's met only a handful of times? What does she plan on doing? I think she would be making a huge mistake not getting to know him better before uprooting her life for this guy who can't even come and spend a holiday with her because his mother said no. The problem here is the more you protest the more she is going to want to go, you know? She is an adult and whether or not you agree with her choices you have to allow her to make them. You can give you opinion and offer her advice, but in the end she needs to do what she needs to do. Don't push her away with the protests and with any luck she will see for herself that this is a bad idea.
She will soon tire of being second to his "mommy." Trust me. He's 38 and still living with his parents? He sounds like a real prize. Plus the fact he was her student loan counselor. Makes me wonder why hes divorced at 38, with no kids and a momma's boy and how many more girls he'd been involved with that are his "Loan Recipients." If you ask me, he sounds like a wierdo, and a major tight@ss. They split MEALS? And he wants he to share an apt? Oh God... Sorry, but Im really cautious.
Hang in there~
The whole thing sounds doomed to me. I agree with Happymom tho, she has to see it herself and until she is ready to do that, your concerns will not be heard. If you can talk her out of burning any boats, and into proceeding on a trial basis, then you will have done all you can to protect her. Like Izzysmom says, the mother thing will quickly get old.
She is 27 years old and can make her own decisions. I wouldn't get too involved in trying to talk her out of it for fear it would just push her toward him more. I agree that this is a mistake waiting to happen, but you just have to sit back and let her make the mistake if that is what she has her mind set on doing.
I think that she's making a mistake too but she has to see this for herself...and if she's like me...the more people tell me what to do, the more determined I am to do what I want to do. So don't tell her what to do...she's grown, she needs to do what she wants to do and not feel stupid when she needs to move back home. Nothing's worse that having a bunch of people sitting around waiting to say "I told you sooooooooo!"
My posts are just my opinion only and are not of a professional nature.