Originally Posted by jozi209
i think guilt is only relative to the high you get from cheating. it doesn't matter how much guilt you feel if the high is more intense.
I'm not sure that all cheaters do it for the high. For example, I was cheated on by my ex-girlfriend back in September and I caught her in the act. I've analyzed the situation over and over in my head, and I really don't believe she did it for any kind of high. It was possible that it was just an impulsive, spontaneous thing that happened (which is what she told me), and she didn't stop herself. Or, if it was pre-meditated, I think she did it because she was no longer in love with me but she didn't know how to end things. I also think she had started to fall in love with the guy that she cheated on me with.
As far as the guilt thing goes, I've often wondered how guilty she felt. She knew she made a big mistake, because she tried to cover it up right away and she was really upset when I broke up with her. I have hoped that she felt remorseful afterward, because I really want her to change. I don't want her to keep doing to other guys what she did to me, because if she does, I know she is going to push away every good guy that ever comes into her life, and she's going to be stuck with someone who won't treat her as good as she deserves (I know it's funny to hear me say this, but after I got over her, I realized that I loved her for a reason, and deep down she is a good person at heart, and I only want her to be happy in the future. That's all I ever wanted for her).
That's the other thing with my ex: she had a few problems, but one of her biggest problems was that deep down, I think she sometimes thought there was something really wrong with her. I know that I wasn't the first guy she ever cheated on. In fact, she cheated on another boyfriend to be with me when we first met. I think part of the reason that she cheated was because she wasn't strong and secure enough to break up with me in an honest way. I also think that she's resigned herself to the idea that she's a screwup, and she's going to just ruin every good thing she ever has going in her life. She said as much when we were breaking up, and I tried to convince her that she's not, saying I couldn't believe she really believed that about herself. She really needs some therapy, but I obviously have no influence over her anymore, because we don't even speak anymore.
I think there's one important thing to realize about people who cheat, especially if you're the one who has been cheated on: there is something wrong with them, not with you. They're the ones who made a mistake, and they're the ones who need help. It's a very disappointing realization to make, but it happens. People just let you down sometimes.