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Old 11-26-2008, 06:42 PM   #1
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if a woman/ man was married go to see a male/ female friend alone

is that appropriate?

this is the situation: A friend of mine's husband, is had it of him seeing this woman every time he goes to his mothers house and he fixes things for this woman. Spends more time there then at home with his wife and kids. he says its ok to do this and think theres nothing wrong, he's always fixing things visiting female friends and it bothers her. She said she doesn't want to go over the womans house with him like another friend of ours suggested. i was outragged that this person would tell our friend this, adding more fuel to the fire.

also he told his daughter that he was sick of her telling him to get a job, but all he does it sit on his *** and do nothing about it, no applications , no job hunting, its been 6 mths and nothing, waiting on a job that told him after 3 mths he was not hired. He does have another job, but he is a month from losing their house, the end of their savings are up. She can't work she's disabled from a fall years ago. Their 4 children, 1 has moved and married. The other one is disabled and is a single mother, caring for her disabled child. the son's are in highschool and college and are disabled as well. But all of the children's disability and him working part time is not enough, even if he goes full time its still not enough. They have a 401k plan, but can't take it out b/c they've had loans they took out earlier when they were in need yrs ago. They are not the type to take any hand outs.


any advice?

 
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Old 11-26-2008, 09:32 PM   #2
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Re: if a woman/ man was married go to see a male/ female friend alone

Wow, this family is really struggling with many issues. Strange that everyone in the family is disabled, including the grandkids.

I'll just tackel the issue of his going over to women's houses. No, I don't think it's appropriate, especially if it's one particular woman. Ever see that tv show Frasier? That's how Niles and Daphne started, with NIles basically neglecting his marriage to spend all his free time over at Frasier's so he could ogle and moon over Daphne. His marriage ended and he and Daphne ended up getting married.

Your friend's husband is probably feeling trapped and overwhelmed by all his responsibilities and not being able to meet them in this terrible economy. Mayb ehe's given up trying to find a job. If she hasn't yet, I think your friend should sit down and have a talk with him about his needing to find a job, any job, no matter what, that they are a team and they need to pull together to see each other through this. The financial and the family situations aren't going to get any better by his running away from them. He needs to see this. If he refuses to change his ways, then she neds to find other avenues. She needs to start seeking out maybe govrernment offices and other ways to get help, food banks, etc. Maybe she can work from home in some capacity. Times like these require creative outside-the-box problem solving. She's going to have to stop waiting around for him to feel like being a husband and provider and start finding ways to take care of herself. Once the family is on the way to being back on their financial feet, then she can deal with the problem of his hanging around this other woman. Who knows, if your friend finds a way to be more self sufficient, she won't want to deal with it, Maybe she'll just kick him out and say "you like it over at her house so much, stay there."

 
Old 11-28-2008, 08:43 AM   #3
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Re: if a woman/ man was married go to see a male/ female friend alone

well if the woman has the option of going with to see for herself, what's really going on and she refuses, who's fault is that?
I'll give you the other side of the story.....I'm a single (divorced) woman, who sometimes needs something fixed, and I have male friends that are willing and able to help me. They're helping me FIX something as a friend. Why is that so hard to understand? Maybe that's what's going on here.....don't jump to conclusions. Now for the fact that the husband doesn't work a regular job, or seem to be inclined to search for one.....that's a whole different issue.

 
Old 11-28-2008, 02:14 PM   #4
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Re: if a woman/ man was married go to see a male/ female friend alone

"Strange that everyone in the family is disabled, including the grandkids."

LL, thats the first thing that jumped out at me as well. Gosh.

Well, I agree with LL, either she will have to sit him down or figure out how to care for her family on her own and tell him to heave ho.


Frasier is my all time favorite show ever. Ive seen them all 20 times over.


xoxoxox,
IZZY'SMOM

 
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