Sudden personality change!! - Relationship Health Message Board

greysky · 11-28-2008, 05:59 PM

I am 27 and my boyfriend is 23, we have officially been going out just two months but we seem to have hit a wall. Well I say we when I actually mean him. We have just been to the USA for a holiday and to see my sister for ten days and we got on fine while we were away but since we got back he is like a different person!

As soon as we got back to mine he was up and off home, fair enough we both had to unpack etc so I didnt expect to see him again that day but then he didnt come down the next day or the day after either. His texts have been fewer and different to normal, no calling me hun or babe or anything, he does add kisses but the whole language seems different.

He said he was feeling low and everything he had to do was getting on top of him and he needed to catch up with things and it was nothing I had done it was just him making mountains out of molehills. So I have tried to get him to talk to me and to let him know I will be as supportive as I can and try and help him through his problems.

Before we went away we saw each other practically every day and since we've come home I have seen him twice in a week and he hasn't stayed over then I saw him yesterday as some mutual friends asked us to go xmas shopping.

He is quite polite and nice enough to me but no where near as affectionate. He usually holds hands and kisses me all the time but we didnt hold hands at all whilst out shopping, infact the only contact we had was when I took his arm. In the car he was a little better, putting his hand on my leg a couple of times and when I asked him if everything was ok he said he was fine.

I have tried to get him to open up and talk to me a few times and he just says everythings fine. Then he informs me his ex girlfriend has asked him to have the dog while shes away and he won't be down too early tonight as he has to go pick it up (10 mins from his house) reckon he gave hinself a good two hours as he's not here yet!

My friend just keeps reassuring me that its good that he told me where he was going but he didn't say anything more about it than he'll be late as he has to pick the dog up, no explanation of why or that theres nothing to worry about etc

I just know something is wrong and i think he is having second thoughts and wants to get back with his ex and by pushing me away he thinks Ill finish it!

He has been so wonderful to me and he has changed just like that, don't know what to do other than to just let him text me when he wants and not ask too much from him.

HELP!!!!!

greysky · 11-28-2008, 06:05 PM

Update:

Well that was an interesting evening, he hardly said two words to me and yet he was quite happy and jolly with everyone else, we spent the drive home in silence and he didnt even turn the engine off when we said goodnight, surprised he stopped the car to let me get out at all! Ive had enough of being nice and polite and forgiving and treading on egg shells when I'm around him, I've had a crap week or so with no real explanation and trying to make conversation all the time is such hard work!! I give up!!

Redneon82 · 11-28-2008, 06:21 PM

He's hoping you'll get frustrated and dump him because he's too chicken stuff to break up with you himself. That way he can avoid messy, uncomfortable tears and emotions and he can tell everyone who knows the two of you that you dumped him, not the other way around. This guy is a coward.

Good for you for giving up on this loser, you are doing the right thing. Good for you for not crawling and begging, or staying quiet hoping he'll mysteriously change back into the guy you used to know. Good for you for respecting yourself enough not to be a door mat!

Larrylou'smom · 11-28-2008, 08:12 PM

I have to agree. I've been there. He's withdrawing emotionally because he saw or felt something he didn't like in you on the trip, or saw or felt something he liked in someone else when he got back. In any case, he's doing the "guy" thing, acting mean and distant to get you to break up with him because he doesn't have the guts to tell you he just doesn't feel it for you anymore and wants out. He doesn't want to deal with the messy, inconvenient break up talk and is hoping you'll just disappear into the woodword, just slip away and never be heard from again. The fact that men do such a horrible, despicable thing is enough to make me fill my freezer with ice cream and pizza and hole myself up and never look at another man as long as I live. But be that as it may, I'd say if you need closure, call him or text him or something telling him how you feel and let it lie. Me, I've been through it before, so all I would need is just the realization that's what's happening and I would just simply stop calling him. I can promise you, guarantee you, that if you just stop calling him, you'll never hear from him again. That's what he's hoping you'll do. But don't waste energy on tears, anger, wondering why. He's a guy, and that's just what they do. Just be strong enough to just move on. Good luck to you.

resolution09 · 11-28-2008, 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom

The fact that men do such a horrible, despicable thing is enough to make me fill my freezer with ice cream and pizza and hole myself up and never look at another man as long as I live.

Thank you. I so needed a laugh tonight.

Secondly, for such a short "relationship" (honestly, after only a couple of months I don't even qualify it as such, but the rest of the world seems to go there) you are right to just let it go. No big deal. Remember this for the future. Unless he looks like George Clooney, let it go early when they start behaving poorly that soon. It won't get better. And if he looks like George, just get lots of pictures in those first few weeks. Then let him go anyway.