My girlfriend and I are both young. I am 24 and she is 22. We have been together for 5 years. We have had our ups and downs. Recently more downs. In my defense though this past year has been really difficult on me. My life has had it share of downward spirals. These issues are not in anyway her fault, but they are hard on her since shes the one that has been there picking up the pieces. Anyways a couple nights ago she tells me that she needs a "break". Things have become routine to her and being with me has been hard lately. I can understand this. She needs time to think, relax, put the focus back on her. I get that. Then she brings into the mix her desire to date other guys. HOLD ON! She needs time away from me to see other guys? She says that she got to thinking that maybe we aren't soul mates. Maybe there is someone out there better suited for her. Get this though. She wants me to wait around while she tests the waters. She wants to still "hang out" from time to time but see other people.
I see it playing out like this;
her "Hey how was your day?"
me "Not bad, went to work, how was yours?"
her "Well last night I went out with Joe he is so hot but I don't think he's my soul mate so tonight I am going out with Sam, I think we might connect better."
me "???????????" How does one even respond to stories about the person they love dating someone else.
Her side of things: She has only ever been with me. What if I am not the one. She feels like I am. She loves me but has doubts about us. She doesn't want to loose me in case I she figures out the grass isn't greener on the other side.
I have to leave her right? I can't sit around waiting for her to figure things out. If she needs to figure things out like this then we probably were never meant to be together.
Either you love someone and want to be with them or you don't can there be an in between?
I told her to give it a couple days WITHOUT dating anyone else. To really think it over. I won't be there if she decides to date other people. I refuse to be used like that. I told her and I guess we will see what she decides. Me or "them" she can't have both.
You are quite right not to fall for the "wait around" line. I know from these boards that if a guy proposed this, the folk here would heartily recommend that she kick him straight to the kerb. You stick to your guns. I can understand that she has her doubts, and that is not good for the relationship, and if you split up, then that is sad but it happens. How she can seriously expect you to hang out while she is dating other men, I just can't imagine. Suggest to her that you BOTH date other people, I bet she didn't figure on putting up with that. Sera.
You seem really nice. Let her go do her thing and you can find someone who has more regard for YOUR feelings and isn't just focused on themselves. Sorry, but she seems really selfish to me...I'm going to go out & date, but you can't! Sit home & wait for me to throw you some scraps! Um, NO....
She tells me that she is pretty sure in the end it will be me she wants, but there is always a "what if". I really do love her. She tells me that I am being selfish by not letting her go free. If she loves me she'll come back right? But how can I take her back after all the pain she has put me through? How do I kiss her again, wondering how many others shes kissed while my heart still belongs to her. She said that it would be cool if I dated other girls in the process. The trouble is, I'm not ready to date anyone else. I would end up comparing every girl to her. They would loose. The way I see it is that it wouldn't be fair to try dating when I am not emotionally available to anyone but her. I know that this plan of hers will crash and burn.
What if I suggest going on a break for a month or two with no contact between us. I guess what I don't know can't kill me but even still the pain will be very real. The guessing and thoughts will keep me up at night.
Am I being selfish? Do I break up with her for even suggesting the idea? If she decides to just continue on with our relationship wont there be a good chance she might cheat? If she truly desires to date other people I can't hold her back from that can I? I just have to walk away. Then again what if we really are meant to be and I walk way? I just feel like in the end, IF she comes back I won't be able to forgive her despite still loving her.
I'd walk away, this situation has nothing but heartbreak written all over it....
she wants to have her cake and eat it too.......
I'm pretty sure she's already seeing someone or has someone in mind.....
find someone who will be all yours......
I'm confused. First she wanted you to "wait while I test the waters". Now she thinks it would be "cool" if you dated other girls?
Ask her this...what if you take her suggestion and date others. Then YOU meet a girl who you think is "the one" instead of her. How would she feel? If she says this would not be ok, she's being selfish. But she expects you to be ok with the possibility that she'll meet someone else who's "the one" and you're just supposed to wait until she makes up her mind. And she thinks YOU'RE selfish?
You're right, there's no maybe in that kind of situation. If she has doubts that you're "the one" then it's not going to work because she's just not feeling it. Find a girl who's as nice as you seem to be and who wants you and only you.
The only way this can be fair is if you both agree to an open reationship. Otherwise kick her to the side she sounds like an uber selfish wanna be princess. I have seen similiar stuff happen to my friends, and they just sat and waited while there supposed girlfriend sleep with other guys but still used them for lonley nights and their money. Disgusting. When I confront them about the issue they wouldnt do anything about it. So what I am saying is if unless you want an open relationship it would be good to have some self-respect and tell her to move along.
It doesn't seem like you have any other option but to walk away. No matter what, you get hurt. You can't hold onto someone that doesn't wanna be held onto. I say you have no contact with her for a few months. That way you don't have to hear what she's doing. And if you decide to get back into touch in a few months, you can make that decision and go from there. If she decides to come back to you and you take her back, then it is what it is. But if she doesn't, at least you'll know you didn't wait around and didn't have to hear about all the guys she was dating.
You don't have to date other people yourself, but I would suggest keeping your heart open to opportunities. Don't expect or wait for her to come back, because she may or she may not. Either way, I'm sorry you're going through such a bad situation right now. It sucks when there is no right or wrong way to do things, so all you can do is the best for yourself.