Re: Need some advice......
I have to go against the grain here a little bit. Of course being treated well and being with a man who loves you, is honest and forthright and decent and treats you well is important. But me personally, if you don't feel that spark, if there's no sexual chemistry or attraction, then you may as well just be best friends or roommates. That spark, that sexual chemistry, that melding of emotional intimacy that goes deeper than someone you're just friends with, someone you totally understand and who understands you, someone you never get tired of trying to understand better, is what makes the difference between a friend and a lover. If you want a lover as well as a good friend, then yes, I think you are settling, and it's not only unfair to you, it's unfair to him. If he's such a great guy, don't you think he deserves to be with a woman who can really love him passionately? Who finds him sexy and who will love making love with him? Someone who can be more than just a roommate or a best buddy to him?
I think there is so much more to loving and being loved by someone than just being willing to do anything for them or having them want to do anything for you. that's not being a good mate, that's just being a sycophant. There also needs to be shared values, similar world views, an understanding and respect for each other's emotional and mental make up, and yes, sexual/physical chemistry.
I'm 43, and I'm not telling you that you should be like me, but I can say that I don't intend on settling. I just can't. I NEED the whole package. Someone who eases my mind, stimulates my brain, warms my heart AND curls my toes. I will probably never find him, but that doesn't mean I'm prepared to force myself to settle for less than what I really want and need just because I'm getting older and "running out of time and can't afford to be too picky." You're talking about the person you will be sharing a bed with, someone who you will be sharing your finances and home with, someone who will be your closest family, who will take care of you when you're sick and who will look to you to take care of him if he should fall ill, AND someone who will look to you to satisfy the physical, sexual needs we all have. In my opinion, no where in your life should you be more picky than when you are choosing this person. I mean, how do you think he'd feel if he knew he was someone you're just trying to "make the best of" because you're getting older and it's slim pickin's out there? How would you feel if you loved someone and learned that's why they were with you?
Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 12-31-2008 at 05:15 PM.