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Old 01-04-2009, 03:18 PM   #1
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Guys would you care as much falling in love in your early 30s?

This is a question for guys.

If you met someone and got married in your early 30's, would that love compare to an intense love you had when you were 20?

Can a love you have after age 30, with someone you didn't meet until age 31, ever compare to a younger love?

Do we just fall in love more easily when we're younger?

I was only in love 2 times and that was at age 18 and again at age 21. Then I broke up with the 2nd one for a few years, and during that time, I couldn't find anything that compared. It was like I just couldn't fall in love again by my late 20's so I went back to my ex. I just couldn't fall in love the same way.

I thought if I just got with someone and stayed with them, I would be settling just to have someone.

Can a person ever fall in love after 30, the way they did when they were younger, or if you mess up your younger loves, are you just out of luck?


Opinions guys? Would someone you met and married after age 30 be someone who compared to and intense love at age 20?

Last edited by insightpls; 01-04-2009 at 03:33 PM.

 
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Old 01-04-2009, 03:41 PM   #2
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Re: Guys would you care as much falling in love in your early 30s?

I know you only wanted men to answer but 1) there are very few men on this board and 2) I don't really believe you have to be a man to give an opinion on this.

The first and only time I ever fell in love was when I was almost 31. my brother is 49 and has dated many wonderful women in his life and has loved oh, I'd say 3 women in his life. the first break up was vey hard for him, but about three years ago he met a woman and fell head over heels in love with her, and loved her like he's never loved any woman before in his life, including his first love that he had at 24. In fact he told me outright he loved this woman that he met at 47 even more than his first real love in his 20s, and that was saying something. He doesn't have kids, never really wanted them, and she had two boys, and he grew to love them very very much, and was hoping to have a family with them. He is still broken hearted two years after the relationship ended.

My ex boyfriend always wanted children of his own, in fact swore to me that he could never bring himself to date a divorcee especially if she had kids from another marriage. He said he didn't want to raise kids that would always call another man dad. But that's exactly what he did. After he left me he fell in love with a divorcee with three kids from a previous marriage. He was 32 when he met her and by all accounts is very very happy and very much in love with her and her kids. I'm sure he thinks of them as his own. His web site says "his lovely wife and THEIR three kids."

But there is no concrete "yes, this always happens or no that never happens" scenario. But yes, it's very very possible to fall in love after the age of 30. Love knows no age or time limit. The love may not be as fiery or as intense, but it's not as stupid and inappropriate either. It's much more mature,a nd therefore more solid and lasting, and based on real compatibility and mutual respect rather than chemicals and hormones and all heat and passion like much young love is centered on.

It sounds to me like you're doing some wishful thinking. That you're hoping your first ex might still have feelings for you. And you know, if he ever gets divorced and you happen to run into him you can explore that, but as long as he's married, it's foolish to assume anything other than he is happy and where and with whom he wants to be. Trust me, it's a huge waste of time to harbor that hope that he is secretly pining for his long lost high school flame.

Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 01-04-2009 at 03:45 PM.

 
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Old 01-04-2009, 03:59 PM   #3
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Re: Guys would you care as much falling in love in your early 30s?

Thanks for your insight. It's really sheds light about your ex that married a women at 32 and calls her 3 kids THEIR kids. I guess you never know. I was never able to fall for a guy after my late 20's and therefore, got back with my ex.

I think your observation about less chemicals and less heat and passion is correct also.

I just always wanted the relationship where I knew someone from when I was younger. I always felt I would be losing too much of myself with someone who had missed out on so much of my life.

I don't know how guys are, and not all of them are the same. But I don't understand how your ex could have done that.

The fact that a love starting after 30 wouldn't be as passionate or intense is a good enough answer for me.

Last edited by insightpls; 01-04-2009 at 04:07 PM.

 
Old 01-04-2009, 04:10 PM   #4
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Re: Guys would you care as much falling in love in your early 30s?

Quote:
Originally Posted by insightpls View Post
Thanks for your insight. It's really sheds light about your ex that married a women at 32 and calls her 3 kids THEIR kids. I guess you never know. I was never able to fall for a guy after my late 20's and therefore, got back with my ex.

I think your observation about less chemicals and less heat and passion is correct also.

I just always wanted the relationship where I knew someone from when I was younger. I always felt I would be losing too much of myself with someone who had missed out on so much of my life.

I don't know how guys are, and not all of them are the same. But I don't understand how your ex could have done that.
Well, to be honest with you, I don't really understand how my ex could have done it either. Love can be so different from what you thought it would be, I guess. The only thing I need to know is that he's not my business anymore.

But really, I don't think it's a good idea to limit yourself to wanting to love someone only from your past or only someone who has known you for years. I think when you meet that right someone, all the years without them in your life just sort of fall away. They don't feel like a waste, just a pre-curser. Without getting too spiritual or religious, I always kind of believe that God's timing is perfect. We meet the people we are supposed to meet when we are supposed to meet them. I mean, what if you meet a great great guy who is perfect for the person you are now, but who wouldn't have wanted you or who you wouldn't have wanted 10 years ago? Sometimes not meeting Mr. Right until you've got your own act totally together can be a true blessing.

There are a lot of fish in the sea. Don't close yourself off from opportunities just because someone hasn't known you. You have the rest of your life to fill them in on your story. That's no big deal.

Quote:
Originally Posted by insightpls View Post
The fact that a love starting after 30 wouldn't be as passionate or intense is a good enough answer for me. .
Now, I said MAY not, not absolutely cannot be. But also like I said, I think heat and passion have more to do with hormones than true love, and as we get older, our homones just don't fire off as strongly, that's all. It doesn't mean that love can't be as good, or as intense, just in a more adult, appropriate way.

Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 01-04-2009 at 04:13 PM.

 
Old 01-04-2009, 04:34 PM   #5
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Re: Guys would you care as much falling in love in your early 30s?

Well, my hormones haven't calmed down one bit since my 20s. I guess I'm lucky? But I am much more attracted to the guy I'm currently with than I ever was to my husband, and I met my husband when I was 19 and got together with the more recent guy in my 30s. So either I'm one of the lucky ones who feels just as much if not more attraction in my 40s, or I'm one of those who just never got control of those darn hormones and they are just as active and I'm a mess!

I guess it depends on your personal preference...I don't have knowing someone all my life as a requirement for a relationship, but if it's inportant to you and it would be a dealbreaker to date someone you just met, it's your choice. I personally see it as somewhat limiting, but everyone has their own preferences!

 
Old 01-04-2009, 06:33 PM   #6
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Re: Guys would you care as much falling in love in your early 30s?

I have a lot of hormones also, but nothing could compare to way back when.

 
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