HELP! The Ex, Adult Daughter & Grandchildren Issue
I am trying to sort all of this out so I do the right thing.
I have 2 adult daughters who both at times have domestic relationship problems with their boyfriends. The oldest daughter (33) has been with her b/f for 16 years and they have 2 children together, the youngest (28) has been with her b/f for 3 years (she has 2 children from another relationship)
It seems the youngest daughter has had the most drama type events where her boyfriend has been arrested (not only with my daughter but with other women) They are now currently living together and seem to be working on their issues as they agreed when they moved in together. I know of one instance where the police we called since they have been living together but they have seemed to be able to sit down and talk about it and since has gone well. Every time these events happen are mostly on the weekends when the grandchildren are gone so the kids have never really witnessed these fights.
Both my daughters are great mothers, both have worked at steady jobs and take very good care of their children, they just have relationship problems. I do not like the fact that they have these type of relationships, and I do talk with them, give advice when needed and am there for them when needed.
The problem that has arised lately is that my ex (of 10 years) has never approved of either boyfriend, especially the boyfriend to my youngest. He has always been a controlling person and if you don’t do as he says or what he feels is right he disowns the girls, etc… Just the other night I was trying to talk to him and asked him why he doesn’t call the girls just to talk instead of every call to them being condemning (We also have twin boys (24) which he calls almost daily ) He said the girls are not as worthy as the boys because the boys do as he tells them to and the girls do not.
After he found out about the last arrest of my daughters boyfriend he called me and left a message saying that this is the last straw and if she doesn’t get away from him that he was ready to do something drastic even if it meant calling the SRS.
Well 3 weeks went by and here my daughter gets a call stating they had received reports of neglect. After SRS interviewing the grandchildren and talking to my daughter I made calls to the other grandparents, teachers and talked with the social worker. The 4 reports were dug out of no where and I could tell they were fabricated just to get some calls placed so this process would start. I am convinced they were placed by my ex, his wife and others he could coax into it. Not one person I have talked to said they would ever have any reason to place such reports and even the teachers were shocked that they reported.
I am so mad, but how should I approach this? I told the social worker that my ex was diagnosed with manic depression several years back and I feel he is getting worse again and only feel that if this doesn’t break them up he will continue to make calls to the SRS.