suggestions? - Relationship Health Message Board

chocolate29 · 01-18-2009, 10:06 AM

Ok, there is this guy. We have so much in common and get along super well.
Please hear me out:
He is in a common law marriage and he has no interest in getting legally married.
When we first met, let me tell you, there was some major chemistry. I think I literally felt sparks. I wasn't "looking" for anyone and am perfectly happy being single and still am.
The thing is, is, he is married, but he acts as though he's in love with me. Like, I realize that there is no hope for us to get together at the moment so we're just friends, but he looks at me sometimes in a way that I swear I see hearts coming out of his eyes. Anyway, so I just back off from him and try to get over him and all that which tears me up inside and so my countenance is a little down and he'll do something like sing this song outloud so I can hear it like, "when I see you smile" which is one of the sappiest love songs ever. He's never tried to even touch me or anything it's like he's just happy if I'm there. That "when I see you smile" song by Bad English is pretty much the perfect description.
Like he acts like he misses me like crazy when I back off and stuff. He just always wants to be around me.
Let me let you all know that we've never done anything untoward. We are innocent that way. Nothing has happened other than we love to be around each other and can't seem to keep apart.
I don't know if I've given enough info or written enough here and stuff, I just need to let this out to someone.
Please don't be judgmental on me. Like I said, we have just been friends and this all just seems to be happening.
I'm looking for advice or opinions about what people think or what they would do.
Thanks

Mileena42 · 01-18-2009, 10:12 AM

I don't think being married keeps you from noticing and being attracted to other people.

You answered your own questions. He is married, you have no future with him. Since you haven't done anything yet, my advice is that you stay fast and be sure it doesn't happen. Many reasons: He IS married....and this will only cause you heartbreak. Please go out and find a man who isn't attached and put your efforts there. This man is taken.

Larrylou'smom · 01-18-2009, 10:33 AM

Chocoalte - I wouldn't be so quick to describe what's going on between the two of you as so innocent. It kind of sounds to me like the two of you are having an emotional affair. Are you friends with his common law wife as well? Is she invited and welcome whenever the two of you get together? Do you think he would look at you the way he looks at you if she were sitting right there? Does he say things to you that he would also say in front of his wife as well? Would he sing that Bad English song to you if his wife were sitting right there, and if he did, do you think sh'd be ok with it? If the answer to any of these questions is no, then you're having an emotional affair.

I personally would feel very guilty about taking another woman's man away, I mean, any time he spends making moony eyes with hearts coming out them at you is time he isn't spending with or on his common law wife, who is the one who really deserves the moony eyed looks. I especially would feel guilty if I didn't feel he was "the one" for me. At least I would feel a bit justified if I felt he was with the wrong woman and I was the right one for him and I just had to be with him. But you don't feel that way about him. If it were me, I'd stop seeing him alone, only hang out with him in groups, and make sure his wife were welcome and invited along.

chocolate29 · 01-18-2009, 10:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom

Chocoalte - I wouldn't be so quick to describe what's going on between the two of you as so innocent. It kind of sounds to me like the two of you are having an emotional affair. Are you friends with his common law wife as well? Is she invited and welcome whenever the two of you get together? Do you think he would look at you the way he looks at you if she were sitting right there? Does he say things to you that he would also say in front of his wife as well? Would he sing that Bad English song to you if his wife were sitting right there, and if he did, do you think sh'd be ok with it? If the answer to any of these questions is no, then you're having an emotional affair.

I personally would feel very guilty about taking another woman's man away, I mean, any time he spends making moony eyes with hearts coming out them at you is time he isn't spending with or on his common law wife, who is the one who really deserves the moony eyed looks. I especially would feel guilty if I didn't feel he was "the one" for me. At least I would feel a bit justified if I felt he was with the wrong woman and I was the right one for him and I just had to be with him. But you don't feel that way about him. If it were me, I'd stop seeing him alone, only hang out with him in groups, and make sure his wife were welcome and invited along.

Well, we don't spend much time alone. Most of the times we're with a group of other people. Personally, I don't feel guilty because this just happened and I don't think it could be helped. I do feel that we're meant for each other. I suppose it would be emotionally cheating now that you put it that way. But what does a person do? When it seems so right? Is it not right? Does something that seems so right actually be wrong? That's where I'm a little confused. I feel such a strong attachment and I know that he does too.
I changed my post to say, "no hope for this moment".
I don't know, I just need someone to talk to about this I think.

Oh yes, and in answer to your questions, I just don't know.

chocolate29 · 01-18-2009, 10:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mileena42

I don't think being married keeps you from noticing and being attracted to other people.

You answered your own questions. He is married, you have no future with him. Since you haven't done anything yet, my advice is that you stay fast and be sure it doesn't happen. Many reasons: He IS married....and this will only cause you heartbreak. Please go out and find a man who isn't attached and put your efforts there. This man is taken.

Thank you
I need someone to talk to I reckon