Not so long ago I posted about my inability to get angry and stay angry at people who hurt me.
Also posted about getting back with my ex. He wanted to see where it would go before jumping back into the relationship. Things were going good. We met up, enjoyed our time together etc but things came to a stand still at Christmas and new year because he went away, i had to spend time with my family and work etc.
I haven't seen him in three weeks due to new year holidays and work.
We were meant to meet two weeks ago but I didn't want to. The first week of January he seemed interested, called me every day and when he couldn't getthrough a few times left long and sweet messages on my voicemal.
He said he would call me next week but its been 13 days and nothing. I messaged him over the weekend asking him if he was alive to which he replied, the next day, that he had worked 12 days straight and was back home with family resting. I replied it was good knowing he was alive. He never replied. That was two days ago.
Now I found out he may be going on a holiday with his friends. Which is fine. But makes me upset. Reminds me of the other times he went away on holiday with his friends and not me.
This situation isn't going to change despite how much I love him. I want to let this go. I hate him for how much he has hurt me...I won't go into it because its time to stop writing about it and start accepting it and moving on. The pain is awful.
I just hate how he walks away, doesn't talk to me or say how he feels.
Not speaking to me...just hoping it goes away. Its not fair. It hurts me. Can't he be man enough and just say this isn't working...instead of going quiet?
I can just cut him out entirely.I was going to say ignore him but its not like he is making contact for me to ignore. I'm just so angry! I don't want this to be a convenient get away for him. And I want him to know I am out of his life FOR GOOD THIS TIME!
I want to scream at him! After how nice I am to him, put up with his crap, listen to his problems, help him, even bought him new year's presents...got nothing in return, not even a sorry this isn't working. He just goes quiet.
I don't ask for much from this pathetic creature. All I get is kicked down into the mud.
Last edited by brokenhearted83; 01-19-2009 at 05:49 PM.
Well, I think it's only natural to be angry. It seems unfair. When someone smashes your car, you can take them to court and make them pay to get it fixed. When someone takes something that's yours, you can take take them to court and get it back. When someone beats you up, you can call the cops and have them arrested for assault. But when someone plays you and breaks your heart, there's no recourse. You just have to accept it and move on as best you can. It's very very hard sometimes.
I now you want to scream at him, but actually, getting emotional and upset at him will have the exact opposite effect that you would want it to have. Obviously he thinks he's right, he thinks he's doing nothing wrong, or he wouldn't be doing it. There's absolutely nothing you can say or do to make him see that he was wrong for hurting you. If he cared that much about what yiou think in the first place, he wouldn't be treating you like this. The only, and I mean the ONLY way to get past this is to right now, right this very minute, nothing at all in your life can be about him. You won't forget him, and it will take time to get over the hurt, but you will only be pulling the scab off the wound by planning revenge, or dreaming about having a face off with him, etc. AS unsatisfying as it may seem right now, getting on with the business of running your life and building a happy sucessful life that has nothing at all to do with him, is the best thing you can do for yourself.
I hear ya, I know what you're going through. My last ex bf made me really angry too with everything that he did. And despite all he did, I still think about him sometimes almost 2 years later! And that makes me mad because I don't want to think about him, I just want him out of my thoughts completely. It doesn't consume my thoughts completely, but those little glimpses of thoughts just make me angry.
It's totally not fair and you're right it sucks bad. But I you have to know that people go through this same kind of thing every single day, and beleive it or not they get through it. And time is the only thing that makes it better. It doesn't make it completely go away but it makes it more bearable. It really sucks when this happens, but you just have to know that it will get easier with time.
Thanks all. Phew, I was raging last night! Calmed down a bit now though thankfully!
I remember on New Year's Eve as I spent time with family, I thought to myself of a new year's resolution I could make. I have never made one before. But since last year was a pretty awful year for me, I thought 2009 has got to be better. I owe it to myself to enjoy life and be happy.
And I thought about what made my year unbearable and endure months of depression. Then it dawned on me - get rid of the ex. I love him, I want him but you don't always get what you want in life. What's more important? My life, my health, my happiness? Or hanging around for my ex to make up his mind about us, shouting abuse, playing head games with me, lying, leading me on and claiming everything is in my head. Yeah, sure, if I wait around again he'll probably came back again but this isn't worth my health and happiness. I need to start looking after myself. And I have promised myself one thing for 2009 - happiness.
So from today, I will never speak to that slimball again. And it takes a lot for me to cut someone out. He can call, he can message, he can wonder...but he'll never set his eyes on me again. He will never hear from me or read a message from me.
I need to be able to promise myself that. Because this man is literally like a poison. In small amounts, over time, he grips me and I suffocate. But the thing is...I have control.
I owe it to myself to stop otherwise this will lead to awful consequences for me.
I have great friends and a great future lying ahead. I can't jeopardize that for someone who behaves like a beast to the girl he dated for 4 years, to the girl who loved him the most.
I'm going to the library later to return books I got a few weeks ago on repairing broken relationships. Thought about getting books on moving on from a break up. But I think the best remedy right now is simply to forget about it. Forget he exists. Forget everything about him. Focus on MY future, make dreams and fulfill those dreams. Spend time with my great friends and family, plan a lovely summer (which he stole from me last year). Basically, focus on myself and being happy. I owe it to myself not to dwell for even a moment. He doesn't deserve that.
Last edited by brokenhearted83; 01-20-2009 at 06:43 AM.
You're absolutely right, he can only ruin your life if you let him. You sound strong, determined and healthy. You've given him enough, no more! Good for you!
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