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Old 01-29-2009, 11:04 PM   #1
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Unhappy Angry husband all the time

My husband for 21 years always had a bad temper, he would fly off his handle at an instant for no reason. I do not know what to do??
From the time I know him has been like this, I hid it from my families and friends for the last 21 years and sometimes I do not even want to visit because he embarrassed me in front of them. I try and hide it by laughing if off but lately I put my foot down because he uses the mental abuse technique by flying into a rage for no reason and screaming at me in front of people. I am not able to discuss things with him in reason and I loose my cool as well. I wish he would see a anger management person to control himself or we will end up separated. It is getting out of control now. He cannot even express himself properly and he will explode thinking I will keep quiet.

 
Old 01-31-2009, 06:23 AM   #2
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Re: Angry husband all the time

My husband is the same way(can be embarassing in front of people) and in addition to that, one minute he is either REALLY nice, and the next(and I mean it's as soon as ONE minute) he is like a mean monster...it's extreme on one end, no in between. When he's in a bad mood, he'll find reasons to blame his bad mood on me. It's sickening...and he wonders why I don't ever want to have sex with him! Just wanted to vent, I can relate to how you feel.

Last edited by Jess75; 01-31-2009 at 06:28 AM.

 
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Old 01-31-2009, 08:11 AM   #3
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Re: Angry husband all the time

I was married to a man who made us walk on eggshells for 25 years. You took it for granted that he would get up every morning in bad mood and it would last all day. If by a miracle he awoke in a decent mood ,anything could trigger an outburst.
My four children grew up in this abusive home,verbally abusive.He ran off with a female friend in 1989 to SC and it was the best thing that could have happened. Broke our hearts and although the children were grown ,it was better for them that he was gone. He lives alone today ,in terrible health ,so bitter than his children /grandchildren won't go near him. I remarried an old friend from years ago and we have a wonderful marriage.My husband loves me ,has an upbeat attitude and each day is a gift we share.I look back and am amazed that life was such an ordeal for us all for so long and I took it! He always said it was all my fault. It was his fault. He was/is dysfunctional ,selfish and wants love only on his terms.Love isn't supposed to make you miserable...Good luck. If he won't get councelling and you decide to stay,please consider getting some to help you through the years to come...

Last edited by Chuckiesmom; 01-31-2009 at 09:26 AM.

 
Old 01-31-2009, 08:45 AM   #4
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Re: Angry husband all the time

Just a thought, maybe he's bipolar. Or maybe he's just flat out abusive, and i mean emotionally as well as anything else. With someone with those problems, you really have to consider if it's worth it to stay with him. I mean what is he going to do next? I've seen some of my friends in that kind of relationship, but luckily some of them had some epiphany moment after a short period of time where they realized they needed professional help. But some guys will just never see that.

 
Old 01-31-2009, 05:28 PM   #5
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Re: Angry husband all the time

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessicca View Post
My husband is the same way(can be embarassing in front of people) and in addition to that, one minute he is either REALLY nice, and the next(and I mean it's as soon as ONE minute) he is like a mean monster...it's extreme on one end, no in between. When he's in a bad mood, he'll find reasons to blame his bad mood on me. It's sickening...and he wonders why I don't ever want to have sex with him! Just wanted to vent, I can relate to how you feel.
Thanks...I know I am not alone out there but it is good to talk to people without knowing them and it is almost like a therapy and consoling. I think the biggest problem is his self esteem but he does not want to acknowledging it and I don't think I can make him understand how selfish he is as he turns the things around on me all the time. I have a chronic illness and still he is very selfish...only him. Whoever does not know him because they don't live with him thinks he is an angel because he has two sides. I have never seen him angry with anyone like he does with me or the way he even speaks to me. With everyone he is an angel, he could do nothing wrong.

 
Old 01-31-2009, 11:01 PM   #6
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Re: Angry husband all the time

Quote:
Originally Posted by sad person View Post
thanks...i know i am not alone out there but it is good to talk to people without knowing them and it is almost like a therapy and consoling. I think the biggest problem is his self esteem but he does not want to acknowledging it and i don't think i can make him understand how selfish he is as he turns the things around on me all the time. I have a chronic illness and still he is very selfish...only him. Whoever does not know him because they don't live with him thinks he is an angel because he has two sides. I have never seen him angry with anyone like he does with me or the way he even speaks to me. With everyone he is an angel, he could do nothing wrong.

my husband too was the exact sameway...hateful and vile one minute...criticizing, yelling, etc etc etc. The next minute, acted like nothing was wrong. All day long. Back and forth. The more upset i got at the shock how someone could act like that the more evil he got. Several years into it...my doc put me on prozac for pms. It was the lowest dose. I tried it and just couldnt take it. It made me feel worse then the pms did. So, in desperation, i had him try using it. In a week, he was a whole new person. He went to our family doctor and we told him about it. He perscribed it for him. Thats been almost 20 years ago. He even said..after a week or two. " it was the first time in his life he felt like a human being." and for 20 years hes acted like one. It saved my sanity and our marriage.

 
Old 02-01-2009, 05:25 AM   #7
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Re: Angry husband all the time

My ex has low self esteem. He doesn't like himself and in return doesn't like anyone else either.Everything was always my fault or he blamed his fate in life on everyone else. He never /has never taken any responsibility for his actions.My youngest son grew up to be the carbon copy of his dad. My other children are hard working ,decent moms and dads with wonderful families.Now my youngest son has moved in with his dad. The dad who was so horrible to him all of his life.My hope is that they can somehow work it all out before his dad passes..Life is strange..
You didn't say if you have children or not?

 
Old 02-01-2009, 02:59 PM   #8
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Re: Angry husband all the time

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessicca View Post
My husband is the same way(can be embarassing in front of people) and in addition to that, one minute he is either REALLY nice, and the next(and I mean it's as soon as ONE minute) he is like a mean monster...it's extreme on one end, no in between. When he's in a bad mood, he'll find reasons to blame his bad mood on me. It's sickening...and he wonders why I don't ever want to have sex with him! Just wanted to vent, I can relate to how you feel.

I am trying to talk to him to see a GP or a counselor but am not getting anywhere, he has some underlying problems but do not know how to get to it. He is not a person who believes in counseling or GP. He says there is nothing wrong with him. He is a very pessimist person and I have been living with him for 21 years and there is always a negative reaction to whatever suggestion I make whether small or big. It hardly comes from him, whether it be ringing his mum to renovating a house. I have to push him all the time to do just about anything and now it is really getting me down because after awhile it wears you down. I think I have exhausted my channels with him.

 
Old 02-02-2009, 04:51 AM   #9
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Re: Angry husband all the time

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuckiesmom View Post
My ex has low self esteem. He doesn't like himself and in return doesn't like anyone else either.Everything was always my fault or he blamed his fate in life on everyone else. He never /has never taken any responsibility for his actions.My youngest son grew up to be the carbon copy of his dad. My other children are hard working ,decent moms and dads with wonderful families.Now my youngest son has moved in with his dad. The dad who was so horrible to him all of his life.My hope is that they can somehow work it all out before his dad passes..Life is strange..
You didn't say if you have children or not?
I do not have any children...sometimes I think maybe it is for the best but sometimes I think if I had children then what will they would have gone through as well

 
Old 02-02-2009, 05:38 AM   #10
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Re: Angry husband all the time

I think there comes a time in a situation as this,when a woman or a man has to ask themselves if they want o continue in the relationship as it is ,insis the partner get help or just end it.After a while you become so accustomed to the daily way of life of trying to not do anything that might bring on the anger to just letting it become the norm. And believe me that is not normal. After my husband now and I had been married only a short while ,I finally asked him one day ,what was wrong with him! He replied that he was fine ,nothing was wrong. I asked him if he ever just blew up and he replied that certainly he got mad like everyone else ,but he "got over it in a hurry" and that was that. It was great to breathe a big sigh of relief that "the other shoe wasn't going to drop and all H*ll break lose as was the custom in my previous marriage.My children and I do not villianize my ex.There is no pleasure in doing that to a man who was their father. But they ,from time to time will recall how miserable it was to live in that house growing up. And it saddens me greatly to think that I allowed that to be the kind of environment they grew up in...
If he will not seek help,just a suggestion-you need to ask if you can resign to giving another 25 years of your life to the relationship and continue as it. With out help ,it will not become better. I worked in the geriatric field for many years and have seen elderly men who just made their wives and children so miserable in the last years. All the unhappiness that they had carried for so many years ,just was so magnified when they became elderly ..I hope it all works out for you to the best possible solution. Life is too short to me so unhappy.

 
Old 02-03-2009, 08:45 AM   #11
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Re: Angry husband all the time

I agree. Until the last year ,I had no idea as to how it affected my children.My oldest son is 42. He is a successful man. Has a small business and a job besides and just bought a nice home.He has been divorced for 20 years now. Never remarried. Low self esteem in relationships as do my daughters.Oldest daughter is 40,has been divorced for many years. A really good mom ,raised her children alone. My youngest daughter ,36,is separated for many years ,raising her children. My youngest son is almost 38 ,deeply involved in drug culture,alwaya in trouble. All have low self esteem.I take 50 % of the blame for not getting them out of the situation. He should ,but won't accept his part in causing this..You're right. Until the problem is addressed and helped ,children would only suffer.

 
Old 02-07-2009, 12:38 AM   #12
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Re: Angry husband all the time

I was in a long term relationship with an angry/ raging man.Many times I thought I was the problem. The real problem was that he was abandoned as a very young child. He began to believe at this tender age that there was something wrong with him. Why else would his parents "give him up" for adoption. A child's mind is centered on himself/ herself. Their sense of worth deteriorates as they grow older. Their feelings of "self-hate" grows stronger and the "sadness" they feel for their parents also turns to hate. Long term sadness turns to anger / rage. It is something which they cannot control, especially when they are on mind altering substances. This is when the violence erupts. People who are angry do not "want" to be angry, they simply cannot control their emotions. Facing the fears, the sadness, the pain....is the key to recovery. Anger management is a band-aid. Anger release occurs when the child, adolescent, adult.... memories are dealt with.

In the majority of cases I'm familiar with......there were issues with parents.
The "cycle" has to be acknowledged and stopped.

Blessings!


 
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Old 02-08-2009, 07:37 PM   #13
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Re: Angry husband all the time

i had one of those. after a botched operation he was angry all the time and very bitter. he's not here now...life is too short. It took me ten years to leave but i"m glad now.:

 
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