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Old 02-16-2009, 10:26 AM   #1
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penniepie HB User
Attitude problem...

What do you do when your fiance has an attitude problem...
Long story short he has always had one but has gotten worse since our engagement and now it can be rude towards me and really a turn off - what can i do to nip this in the butt!

just a small example - we were watching tv and he gets up decides he wants to play a computer game (a war type one) and its in the same room so he turns it on and he likes having the sound on loud i do know that and so...here i am watching tv and can not hear a darn thing - so i ask him to turn it down so i can hear....he gives me a huge sigh like im the nagging wife, so i say to him its hard to hear when you play the game loud is it ok you play on mute and he says with attitude "well it hard to play when you are watching tv". Yes that is true but we were both watching tv together and he got up and decided to play so should i be the one respected in the is matter?? so with attitude he turns it completely down - so then im sitting there feel like im the one who inturpted his plans....

This may sound trivial but he does these sorta of work revolves around me selfish attitude things quite a bit and its really my only issue - how can i nip this is the butt!?

I am quite accomidating to probably 99.9% of what he wants and his needs and i think i may have created a bit of a monster as well as his parents may have as well...i know i can not change him but i can change myself - any ideas without me looking like a selfish b*tch?

It definately catches him off guard if i say someting like NO i want to do this instead of him getting his way and im sorta looked at by him as being selfish or attitude during those times - then i get the stupid sob story about so and so wife lets him do this and that and i feel like i cant do anything - like give me a god damn break he does WHAT EVER he wants...i asked him to come with me to the mall one day - which i never as him cause i know he hates it and he complained most of the time and then used that against me after - say i already when to the damn mall with you - is this someting you are going to make me do when we live together - wow - once every 6 month brance yourself! LOL

Anyways any ideas - more so for me and my actions and reactions...thats all im responsible for!

 
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Old 02-16-2009, 11:24 AM   #2
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Redneon82 HB User
Re: Attitude problem...

It sounds like you got him used to always getting his own way, and when he doesn't get it he can't comprehend. I used to be the accomodating one and my guy actually TOLD me that he'd respect me a lot more if I put my foot down once in a while. So I started to. I let him know when something he does ticks me off and when something is unacceptable. Funny thing is, the first couple of times he kind of blew it off like he didn't really believe that I meant it, so I left! I just told him that I didn't like the way the night was going and I was going home. He got the message and now if there's something going on I don't like I tell him. We communicate much better and he treats me much better too!

Don't let him get used to this or your entire married life will be like this. Let him get mad and throw a tantrum if he wants, bottom line is he will respect you if you make a few demands of your own.

 
Old 02-16-2009, 11:30 AM   #3
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Re: Attitude problem...

true and thats is a good point - althought i have tried that and he generally does not like being told he is wrong or in the wrong and generally this turns into a nasty fight...

 
Old 02-16-2009, 11:41 AM   #4
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Re: Attitude problem...

Typically, he is the spoiled child (enfant gâté). If you still like him and sense that change is possible, even if remotely possible, keep trying to educate him and follow Redneon's good advice. But don't preach, don't get into a fight with him, just speak your piece (i.e. say the essential things) and leave.

 
Old 02-16-2009, 11:53 AM   #5
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Redneon82 HB User
Re: Attitude problem...

I wouldn't tell him he's "wrong"...I'd just say that this is how I think/feel about the situation and if he chooses to ignore your wishes, feelings, concerns, etc. there's something else you can do or somewhere else you can go. Whatever you do, don't give in just because you are afraid of losing him. You'll end up with a lifetime of being disrespected and disregarded and you don't want that.

 
Old 02-16-2009, 12:55 PM   #6
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happymom28 HB User
Re: Attitude problem...

Well, you said yourself this is how he has always been and you have always accepted it. The only thing you can do is stop being 99.9% accomodating and take care of you once in while. The worst thing you can do is allow him to think you will sacrifice yourself and your happiness for him. Be sure to get this resolved BEFORE you get married and start a family. The last thing you want is to have children who expect the same things as him, right?

You don't have to he's "wrong" or anything like that. When he is being rude tell him so, but nicely. If his behavior is not so good tell him. Don't sit back and take it. You don't have to get into a huge fight about it. If he starts fights because you don't want to appease his every whim then you may need to rethink things. But if he is a good guy you just may need to "train" him a little bit. I know that sounds bad, but it can be done if he is willing.

 
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