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Old 03-01-2009, 10:43 AM   #1
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Angry Craigslist Cheater

i cant believe what i'm about to write. i have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 yrs, we were supposed to get engaged this month, but when i went on his email account i seen he was emailing women on the craigslist personals,talk about desperate!!! the 3 ads he responded to were clearly sexual encounters, n he only asked them how may he contact them. we do not live together n he has cheated on me yr ago. is technically considered cheating? do i run for the hills, or let it go?


confused..

 
Old 03-01-2009, 10:50 AM   #2
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Re: Craigslist Cheater

I think you know the answer to that. Regardless of how long you've been together, he's obviously not faithful nor committed to you. Do you really want to marry someone like that? My guess is, he has cheated (as you've said), and he will cheat again, and again and again.

Find someone better who will be faithful to you and treat you right.

 
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Old 03-01-2009, 10:53 AM   #3
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Re: Craigslist Cheater

if he has already cheated on you then why are you still with him?
as for the people that use the craiglist to meet other people for sexual encounters..in my opinion there all crazy people, maybe your b/f is crazy??

what are you confuse about?
yes run for the hills.

 
Old 03-01-2009, 11:06 AM   #4
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Re: Craigslist Cheater

I am so sorry that you have spent 5 years knowing this guy and even though you have caught him one time cheating I suspect it was only the tip of the iceberg. And if you were to confront him on this latest craigslist episode he would promise on bend n knee to never do it again....he already did it again so I personally would not believe anything he said from this day forward...I actually see no point in even asking him anything about it because he already has his 'just got caught speech' all prepared. What a waste of 5 years of your life!! You ask if this is technically cheating??? you are kidding right?! This is what your married life will be like. Yes, I would say RUN for the hills.

 
Old 03-01-2009, 12:23 PM   #5
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Re: Craigslist Cheater

This is the reason why, at least for me, and for most other people, cheating at all, even just once, is a complete and total dealbreaker. I wouldn't have forgiven him the first time. But that you have and now he has done it again, so what's left for you to do but dump him?

You're not seriously thinking of staying with him after this? What would be the point? Anything he says to you is a lie. There is no relationship here, just him lying to you. You have to dump him.

 
Old 03-01-2009, 12:24 PM   #6
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Re: Craigslist Cheater

This will slowly start to eat away at your self confidence and your happiness.

I know its hard, I know you love him, but could you really, really be happy with someone who has done this to you?

 
Old 03-01-2009, 12:32 PM   #7
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Re: Craigslist Cheater

Yes, I agree with the others, too. The problems with sexual cheating are twofold: one is obvious - the break of a vow, of fidelity; the other is the potential transmission of sexual diseases, especially when sex is done without protection. So, if your boy-friend actually had unprotected sex with other women, he may have put you under the risk. This is very unfair. Unless you and he also do/did sex with protection?

I want to add something that may sound a little heretical, but it is perhaps the reflection of reality of decades years.

In the past, it was common for a boy-friend and a girl-friend to postpone sex until marriage. Contraception was not much talked about. Of course, there was cheating at the time, too, but it was of a different kind. A man had a girl-friend with whom he was not allowed to have sex for whatever reasons. If he had a strong sexual urge, what do you think he would do? One of the possibilities was self-repression. Other was self-pleasure. And another was to pay for sex, if you see what I mean.

This third option was in many cases encouraged by families and even some fiancées/brides might tolerate it or turn a blind eye to it. (What is a bachelor party, after all?) Of course there were many health risks associated with the practice.

Anyway, I am not justifying your boy-friend. This was his second mistake, and I am afraid it is unpardonable. I am just reminding you of the relativity of things, of how things in another age could seem to be less innocent or innocous or charged according to the circumstances.

Last edited by pendulum; 03-01-2009 at 01:43 PM.

 
Old 03-01-2009, 05:24 PM   #8
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Re: Craigslist Cheater

Holy cow.... get out ASAP!!! His actions are wrong in every sense of the word!!! I have been going through something very similar, and we just split up this week. I take a look back at how miserable he made me feel, so inadequate; kept asking myself what it was that I did to make him want to cheat. I made excuses for him! Yuck! Do not make excuses for him (as I have a feeling you may be doing). Are you afraid of being alone?? That was another reason why I had stuck with my guy for as long as I had. I didn't realize it until recently. I cry and feel so lonely that he is gone!!!! But he was a PIG...one that only cared about his feelings and self gratification. From your guy's track record, you will be heading for a world of heartbreak if you stick with him. It's very scary to start things over on your own, but do it for your OWN well being! And he sounds like he needs some serious therapy.

 
Old 03-01-2009, 05:49 PM   #9
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Re: Craigslist Cheater

I have to wonder why you would ask if this was cheating. The fact that you had to ask that makes me wonder if somehow you have been hoodwinked into thinking that it's not cheating.

He's done this to you before - this is what's called a Serial Cheater. They don't stop.

The bottom line is he is looking for sex on craigslist - its black and white - he is cheating.

Last edited by cathy1; 03-02-2009 at 10:23 AM.

 
Old 03-01-2009, 06:04 PM   #10
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Re: Craigslist Cheater

My X met women from adult friendfinder for sex. I stupidly took him back and I suspect that is how he was meeting women again. Some people never change as I have learned the hard way. Even though he swore up and down and all around that he had.

Do yourself a favour and get out now. He will never change and will only continue to lie, cheat and hurt you. Do you really want to believe all the lies he will tell you and in a few months or years catch him again. What if he isn't using protection like so many of these men don't and he brings home an STD.....thanx to my X I now have one that can lead to cervical cancer. It isn't worth it!

 
Old 03-01-2009, 06:16 PM   #11
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Re: Craigslist Cheater

Thank goodness you do not live together! This man gives real men a bad name...the lowest of the low. Cheaters are cheaters, and that's all they are.

If I were you, I would leave him a Dear John letter...short and to the point-It's over. Dump him hard, he deserves it. I would tell him not to contact you again, because there is no use in talking to a liar. Save yourself further agony.

I would block his phone numbers, his e-mails, and if he comes to your house, get a restraining order too. His 5 years is over, and he deserves not a second more of your time, and breaking your heart.

Surround yourself with those who can support and love you...and remember-we are always here to offer moral support and a place to vent your feelings anytime you need to.

You can probably guess that I had a similar experience( many years ago), and leaving him with that Dear John letter put me on top...cheaters usually are quite narcissists, and they think they are so tricky. You'll feel great when you take the upper hand, instead of slithering out feeling like a victim. Your smart, life experience is very time consuming, so the five years were not wasted! Instead they have taught you things that will serve you the rest of your life.

I wish you the best!

 
Old 03-02-2009, 05:47 AM   #12
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Re: Craigslist Cheater

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunshine09 View Post
. is technically considered cheating?
Technically, yes. Anything that you do with another person, any glances, any flirting, anything at all that you do or say with another person that you would NOT do with your partner standing right there, is cheating, in my book.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunshine09 View Post
. do i run for the hills, or let it go?
It depends on what you want. If you WANT to be married to a man who cheats, who hooks up with other women on internet sites, then let it go. If you want a good man who truly loves you, who is into you, who is honest and honorable and who would never do anything to hurt you, then dump this cheater and find a man who will give you what you need and want. It's up to you.

 
Old 03-02-2009, 05:54 AM   #13
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Re: Craigslist Cheater

Do you think you deserve to be treated this way? Do you think you deserve a man in your life that does not and never will consider you his one and only? Why would you even settle for this?

You are lucky in that you can easily walk away from him. You don't live together and you are not married yet. It's as simple as telling him to take a hike and acting like he doesn't exist.

I have to ask, what made you check his email? You obviously (and for good reason) dont' trust him. Is that the kind of marriage you want? Don't ignore the red flags waving in your face.

 
Old 03-02-2009, 08:37 AM   #14
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Re: Craigslist Cheater

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunshine09 View Post
is technically considered cheating? do i run for the hills, or let it go?


confused..
technically? does it matter if it's "technically" considered cheating?

I think a more important question is why would you even ask this question? Are you thinking it's NOT ???

 
Old 03-03-2009, 01:02 PM   #15
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Re: Craigslist Cheater

i want to thanks everyone for responding i really needed that. i sucks to here the truth. i want u all to know i have placed a block on my phone. and only relied once to his emails and told him off pretty well. my only concern is him coming to my house or job because i know he definately will, were he will cry beg n plead n puts on a good act. thats were i give in. but with all of your support i should be ok. thanks again..

 
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