i cant believe what i'm about to write. i have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 yrs, we were supposed to get engaged this month, but when i went on his email account i seen he was emailing women on the craigslist personals,talk about desperate!!! the 3 ads he responded to were clearly sexual encounters, n he only asked them how may he contact them. we do not live together n he has cheated on me yr ago. is technically considered cheating? do i run for the hills, or let it go?
I think you know the answer to that. Regardless of how long you've been together, he's obviously not faithful nor committed to you. Do you really want to marry someone like that? My guess is, he has cheated (as you've said), and he will cheat again, and again and again.
Find someone better who will be faithful to you and treat you right.
if he has already cheated on you then why are you still with him?
as for the people that use the craiglist to meet other people for sexual encounters..in my opinion there all crazy people, maybe your b/f is crazy??
what are you confuse about?
yes run for the hills.
I am so sorry that you have spent 5 years knowing this guy and even though you have caught him one time cheating I suspect it was only the tip of the iceberg. And if you were to confront him on this latest craigslist episode he would promise on bend n knee to never do it again....he already did it again so I personally would not believe anything he said from this day forward...I actually see no point in even asking him anything about it because he already has his 'just got caught speech' all prepared. What a waste of 5 years of your life!! You ask if this is technically cheating??? you are kidding right?! This is what your married life will be like. Yes, I would say RUN for the hills.
This is the reason why, at least for me, and for most other people, cheating at all, even just once, is a complete and total dealbreaker. I wouldn't have forgiven him the first time. But that you have and now he has done it again, so what's left for you to do but dump him?
You're not seriously thinking of staying with him after this? What would be the point? Anything he says to you is a lie. There is no relationship here, just him lying to you. You have to dump him.
Yes, I agree with the others, too. The problems with sexual cheating are twofold: one is obvious - the break of a vow, of fidelity; the other is the potential transmission of sexual diseases, especially when sex is done without protection. So, if your boy-friend actually had unprotected sex with other women, he may have put you under the risk. This is very unfair. Unless you and he also do/did sex with protection?
I want to add something that may sound a little heretical, but it is perhaps the reflection of reality of decades years.
In the past, it was common for a boy-friend and a girl-friend to postpone sex until marriage. Contraception was not much talked about. Of course, there was cheating at the time, too, but it was of a different kind. A man had a girl-friend with whom he was not allowed to have sex for whatever reasons. If he had a strong sexual urge, what do you think he would do? One of the possibilities was self-repression. Other was self-pleasure. And another was to pay for sex, if you see what I mean.
This third option was in many cases encouraged by families and even some fiancées/brides might tolerate it or turn a blind eye to it. (What is a bachelor party, after all?) Of course there were many health risks associated with the practice.
Anyway, I am not justifying your boy-friend. This was his second mistake, and I am afraid it is unpardonable. I am just reminding you of the relativity of things, of how things in another age could seem to be less innocent or innocous or charged according to the circumstances.
Holy cow.... get out ASAP!!! His actions are wrong in every sense of the word!!! I have been going through something very similar, and we just split up this week. I take a look back at how miserable he made me feel, so inadequate; kept asking myself what it was that I did to make him want to cheat. I made excuses for him! Yuck! Do not make excuses for him (as I have a feeling you may be doing). Are you afraid of being alone?? That was another reason why I had stuck with my guy for as long as I had. I didn't realize it until recently. I cry and feel so lonely that he is gone!!!! But he was a PIG...one that only cared about his feelings and self gratification. From your guy's track record, you will be heading for a world of heartbreak if you stick with him. It's very scary to start things over on your own, but do it for your OWN well being! And he sounds like he needs some serious therapy.
My X met women from adult friendfinder for sex. I stupidly took him back and I suspect that is how he was meeting women again. Some people never change as I have learned the hard way. Even though he swore up and down and all around that he had.
Do yourself a favour and get out now. He will never change and will only continue to lie, cheat and hurt you. Do you really want to believe all the lies he will tell you and in a few months or years catch him again. What if he isn't using protection like so many of these men don't and he brings home an STD.....thanx to my X I now have one that can lead to cervical cancer. It isn't worth it!
Thank goodness you do not live together! This man gives real men a bad name...the lowest of the low. Cheaters are cheaters, and that's all they are.
If I were you, I would leave him a Dear John letter...short and to the point-It's over. Dump him hard, he deserves it. I would tell him not to contact you again, because there is no use in talking to a liar. Save yourself further agony.
I would block his phone numbers, his e-mails, and if he comes to your house, get a restraining order too. His 5 years is over, and he deserves not a second more of your time, and breaking your heart.
Surround yourself with those who can support and love you...and remember-we are always here to offer moral support and a place to vent your feelings anytime you need to.
You can probably guess that I had a similar experience( many years ago), and leaving him with that Dear John letter put me on top...cheaters usually are quite narcissists, and they think they are so tricky. You'll feel great when you take the upper hand, instead of slithering out feeling like a victim. Your smart, life experience is very time consuming, so the five years were not wasted! Instead they have taught you things that will serve you the rest of your life.
Technically, yes. Anything that you do with another person, any glances, any flirting, anything at all that you do or say with another person that you would NOT do with your partner standing right there, is cheating, in my book.
Originally Posted by Sunshine09
. do i run for the hills, or let it go?
It depends on what you want. If you WANT to be married to a man who cheats, who hooks up with other women on internet sites, then let it go. If you want a good man who truly loves you, who is into you, who is honest and honorable and who would never do anything to hurt you, then dump this cheater and find a man who will give you what you need and want. It's up to you.
i want to thanks everyone for responding i really needed that. i sucks to here the truth. i want u all to know i have placed a block on my phone. and only relied once to his emails and told him off pretty well. my only concern is him coming to my house or job because i know he definately will, were he will cry beg n plead n puts on a good act. thats were i give in. but with all of your support i should be ok. thanks again..
Sunshine, stick with it! Just remember that he is threatening your health and even your life with disease. He will not stop cheating just because he begs and pleads. You are even risking the health of your as-yet unborn children; he could cheat while you were pregnant and give you a disease that would maim or kill your unborn baby. Just keep all that in your thoughts and you should have no trouble keeping your resolve! You are the most important person in your life, and you deserve the best!!!
I feel bad for you. I kinda found out the same thing only it was only texting to another girl. That was cheating enough for me. My heart pounded so hard when I saw her number come up on the screen. God. Shudder. Planning on cheating is just as bad as doing it to me. Then again maybe I have loyalty issues.
Anyway what I find fascinating and disgusting at the same time is this craigslist personals crap. I went there one day out of curiosity to see what it was and COME ON!! WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE that they are so desperate that they need to get on there with pictures of their wangs out saying stuff like "oh yes, i need some sex at 4:00 on wednesday" DISGUSTING! Are they CRAZY??? They gotta be crazy right? HOW DOes a NORMAL person do this? Somebody please tell me!
You'd be surprised how many "mainstream" people go on Craigslist for sex. It's disgusting. Another site, Adultfriendfinder is a slimy site for people to cheat also.. then there are the chatrooms for hookups too. The internet has made cheating even sleazier and easier then anyone could possibly believe.