How to cope with a angry boyfriend - Relationship Health Message Board

Katty1986 · 03-11-2009, 08:21 AM

My boyfriend has a split personality, sometimes he is lovely, but other times flys off the handle over anything. He does not have different levels of anger - it is all or nothing. When he is angry he threatens me, calls me horrible names and downgrades me. He also punches the wall or throws things. Most of the time he gets angry because he says a nag him or don't make any effect to make him happy, but im not a naggy person. He is also very jealous and possessive over me and hates me going out with friends. What should I do?

soarer2 · 03-21-2009, 09:47 PM

My husband is like this and I'm not sure what to do about it either. He is always getting on me about my being overweight and how I eat too much or how I have spent too much money. I basically can't do anything right in his eyes and it gets hard to take sometimes.

VERYUNHAPPY · 03-22-2009, 09:15 AM

Leave now when he is just a boyfriend.....before you have kids. Love is blind! Too late for me but you still have time..........

krazy2day · 03-22-2009, 11:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katty1986

When he is angry he threatens me, calls me horrible names and downgrades me. He also punches the wall or throws things. he says a nag him or don't make any effect to make him happy, He is also very jealous and possessive over me and hates me going out with friends.

ALL traits of an abusive person (especially blaming 'you' for HIS ill behavior).

Ask yourself... "Do I deserve to be treated this way?"

If your answer is 'no' then start making your plan to be on your own, leave him and NEVER look back (as few truly change, they're too busy blaming others).

Its not easy to leave someone you love. And you can love him with all your heart but still need to leave him. This is why a plan is so important. It will empower you. You wont be stuck in his web of misery, instead you will be experiencing ALL of what life has to offer.

Without a plan these people tend to (somehow) take your soul. They make you believe YOUR actions or behaviors cause them to be the way they are. And you stay -to work things out. Before you know it, you'll be tip-toeing around his life and missing out on YOUR own. (Youre probably doing this now.)

Most behaviors like his escalate? Throwing things turn into pinning you against the wall (or worse). They lack self control... you could be hurt/killed. Please say children are not part of this equation.

Your plan s/b built on "how to leave" (if youre living together). If youre not living together, just plan how to avoid him, what to do if you feel like calling him (cuz that happens too) etc.

Katty1986 · 03-23-2009, 02:28 AM

Thank you for all your advice..its a hard situation i imagine when you are married and have kids..its so hard to make people change.
My boyfriend is now going to anger management, and he said it really helps him understand, though im keeping my distance for the moment. He knows he has a problem, though whether he can control it is another matter.
Thanks again!!!!