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Old 03-22-2009, 11:01 PM   #1
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Why are some men controlling and treat woman like a slave

Why are some men controlling and treat woman like a slave. I mean I am married and all my husband does is work and comes home and sits on his ***. Hell he doesn't even play with his daughter or anything. I do everything around the house and when we go out I am responsible for everything and he can go do what ever he wants and can get a break 4 nights a week cause he is at work. I would love to be out working too but we cant afford daycare and he finds every excuse possible to keep me home all the time and I just feel like a slave in my own home and I hate it. Why don't men ever get up off their butts and help their wives out a little more around the house by picking up after them selves, making a bottle for their child, or offering to put their child to sleep when the mother is stressed and needs a break. Why do men treat women this way???

 
Old 03-23-2009, 12:34 AM   #2
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Re: Why are some men controlling and treat woman like a slave

I've noticed 'many' of my younger female aquaintances (in their mid to late 20's) do nothing but boss their men around -- AND THEY LISTEN!!!!

It makes me sick to hear one say "get her, change her, she needs fed" mostly because this young woman does nothing all day and this guy hears this soon as he enters the home from a long day of hard work. Its not just this person either.. several women I know do this to their men. I wanna ask those guys why they call themselves MEN.. lol

The older guys though, I notice they act much like you said. Maybe its a generation thing where older guys are still living from morals taught by parents who practiced specific gender roles.

Personally I think it should be common respect. No gender roles. If ya need to come home, shove your hand in your pants and sleep in the recliner, go for it, just dont make it habit (maybe Ill mow the grass while you sleep). The same with the lady, if she wants to let the dishes soak til morn, go for it, just dont make it a habit (maybe he would do the dishes instead of leaving them until morning). Ooh **** thats a perfect world, isnt it? I just think both adults know what has to be done and both should participate to see that it gets done.

Sad it rarely happens like that, huh?

 
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Old 03-23-2009, 01:19 AM   #3
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Re: Why are some men controlling and treat woman like a slave

Shandi some men are just brought up that way-probably by watching how their fathers treat their mothers. You can't really expect a man like that to change, and/or out of nowhere. I believe we build our relationship from day one, and if you allow "your man" to treat you like a slave from the get go that is how he will be through out your entire relationship. So, it's kind of "late" to start complaining about this now. However, that doesn't make you helpless in this situation...you are your own person, you are nobody's slave. I don't know how your husband treats you, but you need to talk to him about this and tell him you don't enjoy him treating you like his servant.

So to answer your question-"Why do men treat women this way?" BECAUSE THEY (or some of them/us) LET THEM!

Last edited by duluthdonna; 03-23-2009 at 01:20 AM.

 
Old 03-23-2009, 03:54 AM   #4
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Re: Why are some men controlling and treat woman like a slave

I think it's the older men as well, the younger ones do as the first poster said, but the older ones, or similar to my BF (whom I call Archie Bunker) are impossible with their- thats my word- and it's God- PERIOD.

If you stand upto it some, or show what you DO DO, ie- dont run ragged in the house for a day, and then open his eyes, when push comes to shove w/ my BF now, I just keep on pressing foward, make plans for yourself one night this week, and say- so and so is having- or I am going to- and you need to sit with the little one- keep doing it every week til you GET to GO OUT and get a breather, if he blows it off the first week, rant and rave how you are disappointed, and do it the following weeek until he realizes.

He's not noticing (as most men DONT) how hard rearing children are, nor cleaning up after them and the household with a little one in it. Believe me I KNOW, and we don't get credit for it.

 
Old 03-23-2009, 06:16 AM   #5
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Re: Why are some men controlling and treat woman like a slave

they will do what they are allowed to get away with.

why are you allowing it?

 
Old 03-23-2009, 02:35 PM   #6
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Re: Why are some men controlling and treat woman like a slave

They do it because their mothers let them get away with it and then their wives let them get away with it. Take care of your child and do what a friend of mine did to her husband. She did everything for the kids and nothing for him - and don't say "I can't do that to him"... because he's doing it to you - he's showing no respect for you. Don't cook for him, don't do his laundry, don't pick up a shred of his clothing - sex stops completely. Stop being his slave if you don't want to be treated like one.

When my friend did this to her husband he finally got sick of dirty clothes and no food etc and had to do it for himself. You are allowing this - the only person that can change it is you.

Last edited by cathy1; 03-23-2009 at 04:07 PM.

 
Old 03-23-2009, 02:48 PM   #7
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Re: Why are some men controlling and treat woman like a slave

Lets clarify that all men do not act this way. Yes, some men do, but there are plenty of men out their that would never dream of treating their wife/girlfriend the way you are being treated.

So you want to know why he treats you this way? Well, he's insecure for one. He thinks that if he doesn't control your every move you will do something to hurt him. He doesn't trust you or respect you. He is a selfish man. He only cares about his happiness. You are nothing but a possession to him. Someone to pick up where his mother left off (often these men have mothers who did it all for them and never learned to care for themselves). Your daughter is the same, a possession. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you on some level, but her certainly doesn't love you the way you deserve to be loved. Of course, how can he when he doesn't love himself?

Take your husband out of the equation here. What do you want? Do you want to work? Do you want freedom to have some "me" time? Figure out what you want and then talk to your husband. Maybe you can talk about things and come to an agreement. Maybe you can get counselling to help you work through things. Or, maybe your husband is one of those men who will NEVER be what you need and you will have to move on. I think a lot of soul searching is in order here. If not for you, do it for your daughter. Do you want her growing up thinking your husband is the type of husband she should have?

 
Old 03-23-2009, 03:05 PM   #8
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Re: Why are some men controlling and treat woman like a slave

Quote:
Originally Posted by happymom28 View Post
Lets clarify that all men do not act this way. Yes, some men do, but there are plenty of men out their that would never dream of treating their wife/girlfriend the way you are being treated.

So you want to know why he treats you this way? Well, he's insecure for one. He thinks that if he doesn't control your every move you will do something to hurt him. He doesn't trust you or respect you. He is a selfish man. He only cares about his happiness. You are nothing but a possession to him. Someone to pick up where his mother left off (often these men have mothers who did it all for them and never learned to care for themselves). Your daughter is the same, a possession. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you on some level, but her certainly doesn't love you the way you deserve to be loved. Of course, how can he when he doesn't love himself?

Take your husband out of the equation here. What do you want? Do you want to work? Do you want freedom to have some "me" time? Figure out what you want and then talk to your husband. Maybe you can talk about things and come to an agreement. Maybe you can get counselling to help you work through things. Or, maybe your husband is one of those men who will NEVER be what you need and you will have to move on. I think a lot of soul searching is in order here. If not for you, do it for your daughter. Do you want her growing up thinking your husband is the type of husband she should have?
Excellent post!

I know you're venting, but how have you addressed this with him in the past and what has his general response been?

My sisterís husband, for example, works his tail off and when he comes home he spends an hour or so with her and the kids, but then goes off to do his own thing. Which I think is pretty normal. He needs his own down time too.

But he would never prevent her from working part time if that was something she wanted to do, she is free to do whatever she wants outside of the house which generally involves the kids, chores, etc., but he also spends time with the children and pitches in around the house and helps with the children as well. They also go on vacation together when time/finances permits.

That's how it should be, not what you've described in your original post.

 
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