It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 03-29-2009, 03:08 PM   #1
Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 63
d3sire HB User
Baby name compromise

My boyfriend and I are having a hard time agreeing on baby names. For years I have loved a certain name and always imagined myself using it on my son. My boyfriend knew someone with that name that he didn't care for back in high school and refuses to even consider it. His favorite boys name happens to be my fathers name whom I don't speak to and I absolutely will not use the name in case it gets back to my father and he feels that I "honored" him by using his name. I have made a list of about 10 boys names that I could see myself using (giving up on my favorite) he has vetoed my entire list. I pretty much hate or don't particularly care for the names he suggests and he hates the names I love. With girls names we are on the same page but picking a boys name is a total disaster. I don't want to use something that I don't love. Any advice on how to compromise? I tried letting him pick the middle name and I pick the first name but he won't go for that. I gave him a list and asked him to pick the one he hated least but that doesn't work either. This is so frustrating!!

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 03-29-2009, 03:19 PM   #2
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Washington
Posts: 216
zhope HB User
Re: Baby name compromise

Hmmm...I have absolutely NO experience in this....so I don't know how much my advice is worth.

Hmmm....you say you are on the same page with the girl's name. How is it that you found one so easily? Maybe talk about the girls' names you chose and ask each other what is it about the names you both like? What are the qualities that are most important?

Is it that the name has to be something unique? Is it that it must not bring up any bad memories? Is it that the nicknames one could make from it are still agreeable? I mean, it's interesting that you are together on the girl side but not the boy. Pick the one or two girls names you like and discuss WHY you both like that name. Then maybe go back to the baby name book for boys--start over, and pick names that have the same qualities. There are so many names out there. Maybe you need to take the name book and start from scratch. If it NEVER gets to agreement, get your favorite name and his--and toss a coin. Trust fate to give your boy the name he was meant to have!! That last one may be far-fetched, but what else can you do??

I remember my friend and her husband had this problem--she ended up throwing the baby book at him!

Anyway, I bet your joy of having a child, and that he/she is healthy and you have a loving relationship overrides any of the baby name disagreements! I'll tell you--i'd give almost anything if I could have a child of my own and--if it meant I had to take any name--I'd do it in a heartbeat.



I wish you everything good.

Last edited by zhope; 03-29-2009 at 03:21 PM.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 03-29-2009, 03:49 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
pendulum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Florianópolis, Brazil
Posts: 3,753
pendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB User
Re: Baby name compromise

Quote:
Originally Posted by d3sire View Post
My boyfriend and I are having a hard time agreeing on baby names. For years I have loved a certain name and always imagined myself using it on my son. My boyfriend knew someone with that name that he didn't care for back in high school and refuses to even consider it. His favorite boys name happens to be my fathers name whom I don't speak to and I absolutely will not use the name in case it gets back to my father and he feels that I "honored" him by using his name. I have made a list of about 10 boys names that I could see myself using (giving up on my favorite) he has vetoed my entire list. I pretty much hate or don't particularly care for the names he suggests and he hates the names I love. With girls names we are on the same page but picking a boys name is a total disaster. I don't want to use something that I don't love. Any advice on how to compromise? I tried letting him pick the middle name and I pick the first name but he won't go for that. I gave him a list and asked him to pick the one he hated least but that doesn't work either. This is so frustrating!!

But are you already pregnant, to begin with? Or are the both of you just putting the cart before the horses?

If this is your first child, I'm inclined to think that the mother-to-be has the right to choose the name. Then she will submit it to the father-to-be, who will agree or not.

I could be wrong, but I'm afraid your bf is being intransigent here. He should oblige you by picking up a name from your list. It is not a very good sign if you are both already disagreeing about this. What about behaviour, education, health, etc, down the road?

Tell him that he has the right to choose the child's godparents instead.

 
Old 03-29-2009, 06:10 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 1,570
IZZY'SMOM HB User
Re: Baby name compromise

I hope you have a girl....
xoxoxoxo,
IZZY'SMOM

 
Old 03-29-2009, 06:17 PM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 5,402
Thisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB UserThisby HB User
Re: Baby name compromise

I think you both have to agree on the name, you are both equally the parents. Keep trying. Read baby name books. And do it together. Neither of you should have to endure a name you hate. It can be a long slow process finding a name that sounds right, some people even take right up to the cut-off date for filling in the forms after the birth! (Imagine, taking 4 weeks trying out names on the baby after he's born, lol.)

And don't just stick to your favourites. Keep your ears open to names you've never considered and try not to think of what actor has what name, or who's girlfriend's ex did, or any of those things. (Reminds me of a funny Simpson's episode flashback to when Homer picks Bart's name.)

This is a very good exercise in compromise for you both. Good luck.

p.s. are you going to find out the sex beforehand? If so, this might not even be necessary.

 
Old 03-29-2009, 07:17 PM   #6
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 3,326
Blastoff9600 HB UserBlastoff9600 HB User
Re: Baby name compromise

When my husband and I were pregnant with our first I already knew he wouldnt have any say in the first name if we had a boy. I told him he could pick any name he liked for the middle name and of course the baby would have his last name so he had to at least give me the first name. He started to balk a little but after a few moments he agreed to the boy name.
Our second son we had a harder time agreeing. He reallyu picked names I hated with a passion. I just couldnt see a son of mine with that name. We talked endlessly about it and yes I even cried about it a few times. No not in front of him because I didnt want to "win" that way. After more looking online and making an even longer list we finally found some names we could agree. Now my husband looks at our second son and agrees the name he wanted so badly wouldnt fit him.
Your best bet is to keep looking together. But I would also make sure to hang on to your favorite list. Maybe remind that he can pick a middle name. If you are going to give the child his last name remind him of that as well. Kind of sneaky but since you arent married his last name doesnt have to be used. I know some are going to be upset about that but it is a valid point.
__________________
Married 3/25/95
DS 13 yr
DS 8 yr (3+ yrs ttc)
TTC #3 since 01/02

 
Old 03-29-2009, 08:36 PM   #7
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 134
Watersigh HB User
Re: Baby name compromise

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blastoff9600 View Post
If you are going to give the child his last name remind him of that as well.
That's an excellent point, one which I think you should remind him of, assuming it applies to your situation, since you're not married yet?

 
Old 03-29-2009, 08:44 PM   #8
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,906
chevyman HB User
Re: Baby name compromise

I think the mother should be the one to pick the name, after all its her that has to go through 9 months of misery and giving childbirth, no man could ever stand that kind of pain, if its a natural birth?
....I understand theres a spinel block injection that can be giving to the mother?...but I'm not to sure on this just from what others have told me?'...like that Johnny Cash song '' a boy name ''sue''...lol
Usually the father loves a Jr in the family...Some do anyways.

Its always nice to compromise but some times that don't happen , just tell your hubby your picking the first name. ...so just get back out there and mow that yard buddy!

What ever Name you guys come up with I'm sure you both will enjoy, just be thankful when he/she is born that everything comes out ok and the baby is perfectly healthy,...thats all you guys need ....to be fighting over the name if theres something wrong at childbirth.
I love unique names vs the normal names like Mike, John, James, Paul, Mark, Danny, Kevin, Roger ect,,ect,

Try picking out a Names that rymes with the last name...if the last name is pretty eazy to pronounce..just a thought.

I seen on TV THE OTHER DAY WHERE THE PARENTS HAD NAMED THERE FIRST BORN TO RYME WITH THERE LAST NAME I THOUGHT THAT WAS PRETTY COOL,...> CAN'T REMEMBER IT NOW BUT IT WAS A BOY! LOL

 
Old 03-29-2009, 08:48 PM   #9
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: California
Posts: 2,095
Redneon82 HB User
Re: Baby name compromise

chevy, you're a nice guy, but I sincerely hope they don't pick rhyming first and last names...the child will be teased mercilessly and will probably resent his parents for the rest of his life for that. I know a guy whose parents named him "Richard Richardson" and he was absolutely furious with them!

I think sitting down together with a baby names book, circling those you both can agree on, and then settling on one is the way to go. I hope the father isn't dead set on that one name only because that's not compromising. I'm sure with some discussion, you can find a name you both love.

 
Old 03-30-2009, 02:24 AM   #10
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
pendulum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Florianópolis, Brazil
Posts: 3,753
pendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB User
Re: Baby name compromise

Another idea is to gather members of the two families together and ask each of them to suggest names for the unborn. I think that, in the presence of others, your bf and you will finally agree on a few given names. Additionally, this assembly is good for the baby's "self-esteem".

 
Old 03-31-2009, 01:29 AM   #11
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 5,109
writeleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB User
Re: Baby name compromise

If you are not married, I suggest you give your child your last name, the father's choice as a middle name, and your choice for the first name. I named my child with his father's last name, and we never got married, due to his horrible fathering abilities. I had to change my son's last name to mine, and it was a mess. I am certainly not suggesting your boyfriend will turn out the same, but marriage is the only time I would give my name away. My son has my name, and I have raised him alone, and he and I do fine that way. I wish you the best.

There also is waiting till the birth to find the name that fits him/her. You have some time before you have to name your baby.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
ILs staying w/ us after baby is born (DH wants them here, I wish they'd get a hotel) livinTX Pregnancy 13 11-06-2007 01:24 PM
Baby in your bed... OctoberMom2be Infant Care (up to 18 months old) 16 11-07-2005 07:43 PM
Questions About Choosing The Baby's Name!! BrutusBranyon Pregnancy 4 09-28-2004 07:41 AM
Sex Of The Baby.... Find Out In Advance? Or Be Surprised? BrutusBranyon Pregnancy 15 09-27-2004 11:52 PM
Last Name for Baby, please help Kia3238 Pregnancy 10 04-16-2004 07:54 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:13 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.com™ All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!