It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 03-31-2009, 10:57 PM   #1
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 245
Brkenhrt HB User
I need serious advice and help - IM SEVERELY DEPRESSED

Any advice for someone who thinks like this? I havent been in many relationships (Im 28) and it comes to bite me in the ***. Cause when I do find someone to date or get to know, I get too eagar to get to know them and tend to fall for them way too fast. And on top of that, since im not a patient person at all, it just wears off on me and ive lost girls in the past from trying to persue too fast, soon heavily. And I end up scaring them and they think im a freak cause I over analyze everything way too much and am too impatient. ARGH!!! No matter how hard I try not to fall for a girl too fast when getting to know them, I can never prevent it! Im always so anxious to gettting to know them and always get my hopes up and wanting to jump in right away

I feel so hopeless in finding a soulmate, in fact I know im going to die single. Ive had many breakups and most were of the horrible variety (couldnt have ended any worse than they did). Im just so discouraged now when it comes to even talking to girls. I use to be this sudle shy guy, but very laid back and would always approach girls that i were interested in. I was so upbeat, confident! But now? Im so discouraged and negative. I never approach girls anymore (even if they give me body signals), cause i feel so hopeless in finding someone and I feel so worthless, like im an outsider that doesnt deserve to have someone special in my life. I always ask myself "what did I ever do to deserve this kind of punishment?"

Its a fact that i have to live with for the rest of my life - as much as I dont want to, but Im going to die single, i will never be married and never have children.

<Deleted: inappropriate>



Im so miserable right now,


<Deleted: inappropriate and disallowed subject>

Last edited by Administrator; 04-01-2009 at 09:00 AM. Reason: inappropriate and disallowed subject

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 04-01-2009, 07:08 AM   #2
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 37
duluthdonna HB User
Re: I need serious advice and help - IM SEVERELY DEPRESSED

Very few people in the world can say they are lucky in love. If you believe in soulmates then you should know there is only one per person and finding that one is something most never accomplish. You seem to be aware of your flaws so in stead of whining over it, do something to change it for the future. Learn to control yourself, learn to be more patient. You are 28 not 58 and saying stuff like you will die on your own is just stupid. Don't be such a drama queen-if there is part of your life that you hate then do what you can to change it. If you hate how you are with women then don't be like that-practice some self control.

Last edited by Administrator; 04-01-2009 at 09:26 AM.

 
Old 04-01-2009, 08:23 AM   #3
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 386
Mary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB User
Re: I need serious advice and help - IM SEVERELY DEPRESSED

I know plenty of men who are in their 30's and have yet to find "the one". I know it can be frustrating, but you just need to be patient. As the poster before me, you're ONLY 28. People are getting married much later in life now, so you have plenty of time. In fact, you have a better chance of your marriage lasting the longer you wait.

One thing you want to be careful of is becoming desperate. That's such a turn off to women, and it will show. I have an ex boyfriend that I'm still friends with (we dated for 2 years, but I was never in love with him, totally different people). Anyway, he is 30 now and is the most desperate man I've ever met in my life, and it's so annoying. He goes after ANY woman that crosses his path, even women there's no way he could possibly be serious with, which he admits. But he still does it.

If you want to find a good woman, you need to wait it out. Don't date every woman that crosses your path just to get a date. Date people you are compatible with. It takes time, but it will come. And once you find a good one, don't freak out. Take it slow and calm down. Enjoy your time dating, and remember you have plenty of time to find "the one".

Last edited by Administrator; 04-01-2009 at 09:26 AM.

 
Old 04-01-2009, 11:01 AM   #4
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
pendulum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Florianópolis, Brazil
Posts: 3,713
pendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB User
Re: I need serious advice and help - IM SEVERELY DEPRESSED

I will take everything you are saying at face value, but honestly it is rather difficult for me to believe that a young person is miserable, depressed and suicidal just because they are not dating anyone. There should be much more to make you feel that way, not only your "poor" track record of dating. Anyway...

But if you live alone and if you have been feeling suicidal for some time now, this must be reported to someone else, a doctor in particular.

In some cases, you may need medication, and of course this is beyond the scope of this board.

If your depression is not too severe, you might try one of the following measures:

a) read amusing books or watch amusing movies that make you laugh and smile;
b) walk in sunshine and outdoors;
c) do physical exercise in order to release the "right" hormones and improve self-esteem (try to develop upper body, shoulders and arms, to make you feel more self-confident); check your posture;
d) eat a healthy diet (with animal protein) and sleep as much as possible;
e) join groups of people for study, hobbies, support, conversation, etc. Not virtual groups, but real groups;
f) if you aren't ready to talk, listen to others and to the stories other people have to tell. When you listen with full attention, you move away from your problems and realize that other people can be in a worse condition than your own condition. If they are in a better condition, then why can't you?

Promise yourself that you will do no harm to yourself, because this is of no avail at all.

Hope this helps a little.

 
Old 04-01-2009, 11:58 AM   #5
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 245
Brkenhrt HB User
Re: I need serious advice and help - IM SEVERELY DEPRESSED

Quote:
Originally Posted by duluthdonna View Post
Very few people in the world can say they are lucky in love. If you believe in soulmates then you should know there is only one per person and finding that one is something most never accomplish. You seem to be aware of your flaws so in stead of whining over it, do something to change it for the future. Learn to control yourself, learn to be more patient. You are 28 not 58 and saying stuff like you will die on your own is just stupid. Don't be such a drama queen-if there is part of your life that you hate then do what you can to change it. If you hate how you are with women then don't be like that-practice some self control.
You make it sound so easy. Ive always wanted nothing more than to work on my flaws and become a more patient person - ive tried and tried in the past but nothing has helped. I think a lot of it just has to do with the fact that I havent had many relationships in my life, so when I do finally meet someone Im too eagar in wanting to get going.

 
Old 04-01-2009, 12:03 PM   #6
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 245
Brkenhrt HB User
Re: I need serious advice and help - IM SEVERELY DEPRESSED

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary83 View Post
I know plenty of men who are in their 30's and have yet to find "the one". I know it can be frustrating, but you just need to be patient. As the poster before me, you're ONLY 28. People are getting married much later in life now, so you have plenty of time. In fact, you have a better chance of your marriage lasting the longer you wait.

One thing you want to be careful of is becoming desperate. That's such a turn off to women, and it will show. I have an ex boyfriend that I'm still friends with (we dated for 2 years, but I was never in love with him, totally different people). Anyway, he is 30 now and is the most desperate man I've ever met in my life, and it's so annoying. He goes after ANY woman that crosses his path, even women there's no way he could possibly be serious with, which he admits. But he still does it.

If you want to find a good woman, you need to wait it out. Don't date every woman that crosses your path just to get a date. Date people you are compatible with. It takes time, but it will come. And once you find a good one, don't freak out. Take it slow and calm down. Enjoy your time dating, and remember you have plenty of time to find "the one".
I understand where you're coming from - but I dont think its the fact that i havent been with many women in my life, but the fact that the ones that I was with, Ive been hurt by badly. Ive been heartbroken so many times, ive had to put up with so much BS from the girls ive dated, im just sick and tired of their headgames and runaround. It just feels like an endless cycle to me - thats why I feel so hopeless. Thats why I dont go out of my way for any girl anymore. I have no motivation.

 
Old 04-01-2009, 12:05 PM   #7
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 245
Brkenhrt HB User
Re: I need serious advice and help - IM SEVERELY DEPRESSED

Quote:
Originally Posted by pendulum View Post
I will take everything you are saying at face value, but honestly it is rather difficult for me to believe that a young person is miserable, depressed and suicidal just because they are not dating anyone. There should be much more to make you feel that way, not only your "poor" track record of dating. Anyway...

But if you live alone and if you have been feeling suicidal for some time now, this must be reported to someone else, a doctor in particular.

In some cases, you may need medication, and of course this is beyond the scope of this board.

If your depression is not too severe, you might try one of the following measures:

a) read amusing books or watch amusing movies that make you laugh and smile;
b) walk in sunshine and outdoors;
c) do physical exercise in order to release the "right" hormones and improve self-esteem (try to develop upper body, shoulders and arms, to make you feel more self-confident); check your posture;
d) eat a healthy diet (with animal protein) and sleep as much as possible;
e) join groups of people for study, hobbies, support, conversation, etc. Not virtual groups, but real groups;
f) if you aren't ready to talk, listen to others and to the stories other people have to tell. When you listen with full attention, you move away from your problems and realize that other people can be in a worse condition than your own condition. If they are in a better condition, then why can't you?

Promise yourself that you will do no harm to yourself, because this is of no avail at all.

Hope this helps a little.
Ive always suffered from on and off mild depression ever since I graduated from high school - but nothing NOTHING like the severity ive hit in the past month. Ive always been a loner all my life, never had friends to hang out or talk to, never had anyone to really get close to in my life. Ive always felt like a total outsider from the real world - out there, just me, myself and I.

You may not want to believe me when I say that Im "you know" right now, but I wear my heart on my sleeve and only speak whats on my mind.

 
Old 04-01-2009, 12:12 PM   #8
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
pendulum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Florianópolis, Brazil
Posts: 3,713
pendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB User
Re: I need serious advice and help - IM SEVERELY DEPRESSED

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brokenheart88 View Post
Ive always suffered from on and off mild depression ever since I graduated from high school - but nothing NOTHING like the severity ive hit in the past month. Ive always been a loner all my life, never had friends to hang out or talk to, never had anyone to really get close to in my life. Ive always felt like a total outsider from the real world - out there, just me, myself and I.

You may not want to believe me when I say that Im "you know" right now, but I wear my heart on my sleeve and only speak whats on my mind.
But what do you do for your living? Don't you ever have contact with other people?

 
Old 04-01-2009, 12:27 PM   #9
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Iowa USA
Posts: 451
BigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB UserBigRed54 HB User
Re: I need serious advice and help - IM SEVERELY DEPRESSED

Broken - is it at all possible for you to get into therapy? I believe it would do you a world of good - either one-on-one or group therapy.

I'm 55 and have been hurt many times. I am a very optimistic person and choose to learn from my experiences and move on. I do understand that it's not that easy for everyone (and I'm certainly not saying I was never hurt and depressed!).

Your nature is more introverted and you could be helped greatly by having a therapist or group to talk things out with, to gain some clarity and some confidence.

 
Old 04-01-2009, 01:57 PM   #10
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 386
Mary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB User
Re: I need serious advice and help - IM SEVERELY DEPRESSED

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brokenheart88 View Post
I understand where you're coming from - but I dont think its the fact that i havent been with many women in my life, but the fact that the ones that I was with, Ive been hurt by badly. Ive been heartbroken so many times, ive had to put up with so much BS from the girls ive dated, im just sick and tired of their headgames and runaround. It just feels like an endless cycle to me - thats why I feel so hopeless. Thats why I dont go out of my way for any girl anymore. I have no motivation.

I'm 26 and I've had plenty of heartbreak as well. I've been in several serious relationships, many of which ended because the guys were jerks or we just weren't right for each other. I've been cheated on, lied to, and broken up with. But, in the end, we all get back up and start over again. We all get hurt and we all have to deal with it, it's part of life. I understand you're frustrated, but it sounds like your issues maybe require therapy as they are due to depression. Yeah, life sucks sometimes, but if you are mentally healthy and stable, you should be able to handle it. If you're not mentally healthy (like depression), life seems unbearable and the regular "crap" of life gets you down much more than it should. So maybe you should start there. Maybe your problem isn't so much girls as it is depression.

 
Old 04-01-2009, 02:02 PM   #11
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 386
Mary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB UserMary83 HB User
Re: I need serious advice and help - IM SEVERELY DEPRESSED

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brokenheart88 View Post
Ive always suffered from on and off mild depression ever since I graduated from high school - but nothing NOTHING like the severity ive hit in the past month. Ive always been a loner all my life, never had friends to hang out or talk to, never had anyone to really get close to in my life. Ive always felt like a total outsider from the real world - out there, just me, myself and I.

You may not want to believe me when I say that Im "you know" right now, but I wear my heart on my sleeve and only speak whats on my mind.
Broken, please also keep in mind that depression can come and go. So if you've just suffered from mild depression before, you may be experiencing severe depression right now. You really need to go get it checked out, you may see a huge difference if you get on medication. I'm speaking as someone who has depression in my family (my mom and sister), and I'm getting my major in a field related to this. I'm by no means a professional (yet!), but I do know a lot about the topic, and I really hope that you will get the help you need. It could change your life.

 
Old 04-01-2009, 06:16 PM   #12
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
pendulum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Florianópolis, Brazil
Posts: 3,713
pendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB User
Re: I need serious advice and help - IM SEVERELY DEPRESSED

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary83 View Post
Broken, please also keep in mind that depression can come and go. So if you've just suffered from mild depression before, you may be experiencing severe depression right now. You really need to go get it checked out, you may see a huge difference if you get on medication. I'm speaking as someone who has depression in my family (my mom and sister), and I'm getting my major in a field related to this. I'm by no means a professional (yet!), but I do know a lot about the topic, and I really hope that you will get the help you need. It could change your life.
Yes, and may I add that ...

You have always been a loner, but that doesn't mean you have to go on being one. Only you can change yourself. You have to reach out after people rather than keep waiting with folded arms for them to come after you.

You have come to the Board seeking for advice, and many of us are giving you good advice and sharing our not so good experiences in life, but it seems that you refuse to accept the advice you have asked for.

There are many factors leading to the way you feel, and many of these factors center around lifestyle: even the food you eat may trigger symptoms of depression and sadness. So, if you want to cure yourself, you probably have to change your lifestyle.

Another factor is inactivity. If you don't have a job, then try and get one.

Building up your body also helps a lot, either through bodybuilding or martial arts. You don't have to become another Schwarznegger or Bruce Lee. But physical activity will increase your level of testosterone and this can eventually improve your depression.

 
Old 04-02-2009, 06:33 AM   #13
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 37
duluthdonna HB User
Re: I need serious advice and help - IM SEVERELY DEPRESSED

As you see, everyone in here has been hurt and heartbroken AT LEAST once in their lives. I think people often don't see that, and think they are the only ones hurting or having a really bad luck with love and relationships. But even then you can't and shouldn't obsess with it. I mean even the worse relationships can teach us something, and bare at least few good memories. Like I said, if you believe in soulmates, then there is only just that one girl meant for you, and all the others you meet before her will, in one way or another, be a dissapointment simply because they are not "the one".
We all have a choice, you are not sentenced to live a life filled with depression. You can fight it, and if you want to find someone to love you, you must fight it and keep it under control.

 
Old 04-02-2009, 10:21 PM   #14
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: California
Posts: 651
negot HB Usernegot HB User
Re: I need serious advice and help - IM SEVERELY DEPRESSED

Quote:
Originally Posted by duluthdonna View Post
As you see, everyone in here has been hurt and heartbroken AT LEAST once in their lives. I think people often don't see that, and think they are the only ones hurting or having a really bad luck with love and relationships. But even then you can't and shouldn't obsess with it. I mean even the worse relationships can teach us something, and bare at least few good memories. Like I said, if you believe in soulmates, then there is only just that one girl meant for you, and all the others you meet before her will, in one way or another, be a dissapointment simply because they are not "the one".
We all have a choice, you are not sentenced to live a life filled with depression. You can fight it, and if you want to find someone to love you, you must fight it and keep it under control.
I totally agree with the above. Most people get hurt at some point. At the time it feels like a disaster that you can't recover from, but you have to move on. Get involved in different activities, not only to meet a woman, but to stay active. If you are desperate to meet someone, it will be obvious and desperation isn't attractive.

 
Old 04-04-2009, 12:30 AM   #15
Senior Member
(male)
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 245
Brkenhrt HB User
Re: I need serious advice and help - IM SEVERELY DEPRESSED

Quote:
Originally Posted by pendulum View Post
Yes, and may I add that ...

You have always been a loner, but that doesn't mean you have to go on being one. Only you can change yourself. You have to reach out after people rather than keep waiting with folded arms for them to come after you.

You have come to the Board seeking for advice, and many of us are giving you good advice and sharing our not so good experiences in life, but it seems that you refuse to accept the advice you have asked for.

There are many factors leading to the way you feel, and many of these factors center around lifestyle: even the food you eat may trigger symptoms of depression and sadness. So, if you want to cure yourself, you probably have to change your lifestyle.

Another factor is inactivity. If you don't have a job, then try and get one.

Building up your body also helps a lot, either through bodybuilding or martial arts. You don't have to become another Schwarznegger or Bruce Lee. But physical activity will increase your level of testosterone and this can eventually improve your depression.
Thanks for the in depth sugestions.

I do have a job but I've noticed my work performace hasn't been good at all for the past month. Its beem incredibly hard for me to even go to work because of how's I've changed for the worst and just not the same person.

I am a very physically active person and I work out 4-5 days a week, even though (just like with my work) my motivation for sports and working out just has been the same for the past month.

I don't know but it seems like what's happened a month ago has been a dramatic life changing experience.

I'm not trying to ignore any of the help from thid board - I've just been taking a bit of a break the past couple days - and I do apologize I come across that way.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
26/F post microdiscectomy, need advice on suing and other. Warning: Long post Abrie25 Back Problems 11 09-02-2012 02:17 PM
Need help to get my life back dove4 Thyroid Disorders 3 03-15-2009 01:13 PM
I need some advice, My mother died about a month ago Carl F Death & Dying 1 11-17-2008 01:41 PM
please someone i need advise......... bethanymay Depression 11 07-15-2007 09:45 PM
I really need help (long post) npro9b Addiction & Recovery 6 04-18-2006 08:59 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (274), rosequartz (255), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (160), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (105), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1182), MSJayhawk (1015), Apollo123 (913), Titchou (862), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (763), ladybud (760), midwest1 (671), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:46 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.com™ All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!