Yup, you read that correctly. "It's Good to Be Alone". What? I'll say it again; "It's Good to Be Alone". Yeah, this is coming from the guy who was freaking out last Fall after being single for all of two months. Yeah, this is coming from the guy who was ready to start dating a girl back in January just so she wouldn't get mad at him.
It's not quite a year yet that I've been single, but we're getting close. And you know what? I feel great! I'm lovin it. Breakups are tough, there's no denying that. Last year, I was so hopelessly attached to the girl I was with that when we broke up, it felt like my life was over. I didn't know what to do with myself. I was afraid of getting out of bed in the morning (in fact, there were some days where I just didn't get out of bed). But I survived. I'm still standing.
And now, I feel happier than I can remember being in a while. Besides the rigors and stressors of everyday life, there's not much right now that can get me down. And I haven't quite achieved all of the goals I set for myself in 2009, but I've made strides forward in just about every department. It feels fantastic.
And a funny thing occurred to me this morning. I've gotten so used to being single, I think, that now it seems like it would feel kind of strange to have a girlfriend. It's almost like starting over from scratch, with no experience. Of course, I do have experience, and hopefully I can utilize that experience to avoid making the same mistakes twice in my love life. We'll see.
But that's far off right now. Relationships are great (most of the time). When you're in love and you know it, that's even better. Two of the most obvious statements you're going to read this weekend. But I'm just saying, all of the wonderful things we get out of love and relationships, it's all really nice, but you can live without it and be just fine. You can be completely happy without it. After all, you spent your entire childhood without ever dating anyone, and most of us would kill to be that age again.
Call me crazy, but part of me almost wants to stay single right now. Alright, so maybe if a beautiful woman comes up and offers to buy me lunch tomorrow, I think I'll probably say yes. Lol. But man, being single definitely has its perks. Don't forget it. Enjoy your time if you're single. Have some fun, learn something new, go someplace you've always wanted to visit. And never wipe that smile off of your face.
I just wanted to post this as a reminder to anyone out there who's down on themselves for being single, or for anyone who's throwing themselves into a relationship for the wrong reasons.
I really appreciate you starting this thread. It's so inspiring to all of us who cling to relationships, believing that having a boyfriend or a girlfreind is the only way to make ourselves happy. It's completely untrue. You're right. YOU CAN be happy single and there's NOTHING wrong with it at all
Plax this is what I try to tell people, but they don't get it.....
it's nice to be alone. you can do what you want, when you want.....
eat what you want, when you want.....
there are no compromises.....it's got it's good points!
people should try it, they might like it!
Glad to hear you're happy!
Yes, yes! It is true, but it's so hard to get people to believe it!
I have my own place after living with my guy for a while. And I love it! I am slowly fixing it up, I can cook fish (which he forbade me to do at his house since it "stinks" up the house), I can watch what I want on TV, I can read without feeling like I'm ignoring or neglecting him...It's gotten to the point where I don't really see him that often anymore because I enjoy my house so much! Sad but true!
Good for you...when you do meet a wonderful girl, you will be ready for her.
Yes, thank you Plax
I'm single and I feel so free! Free in almost every aspect in my life. I don't have to answer to anybody, I don't have to check up with anybody. I'm very happy and am extremely relunctant to get into a relationship. I believe most people make "having a relationship" way too big of a deal. It seems that some people can't or don't know how or don't want to, live without having someone else.
Anyways, thanks for the post. It's quite refreshing.
Well, I'm glad you all enjoyed that. I just figured, we get so many threads on here of people looking for advice or talking about a problem they've got, I just thought a few uplifting words of advice might be a nice change of pace.
You know when I read your original post I felt a refreshing sense of freedom as I was daydreaming about being alone. I've been married to a man with major mental issues for 6 years...we've been together for 12. When we divorce, I can honestly say that I think I'd be happier all by myself. Too many people play mind games these days and I don't think I have or WILL have the energy to deal with it.
Good post. But I'd rather think it is good to be alone when you want to or need to be alone. Time to recharge your batteries. In other words, aloneness is good when it is voluntary.
Yes, that's a good point. And we all know that sometimes being single isn't a choice that you make voluntarily. How many of us spend months, or even years, searching for love as it eludes us? But I think that's why it's important to be able to appreciate the single life. When you're looking for love and you've got no one, loneliness can creep into your life and get you down. But, if you take some time after every relationship to enjoy being single for the freedom and opportunities that come with it, I think it helps prepare you for those feelings of loneliness. I think it helps you cope with being alone when you'd rather be in a relationship. As I said, loneliness can set in and get you down, but not if you choose to look at single-ness in a positive way. And that's easier when you've spent a good amount of time being single and enjoying it for what it is.
Plax, there's yet one pitfall of being alone: some (not all) people may think they don't need to look after themselves any more, in terms of appearance mostly but also of health. "If I am going to be alone anyway, why should I bother to be groomed?" The smartest loner will not stop looking after themselves no matter what.
Actually, being "relationship-free" is a great time to get into shape, get back on a healthy diet, and educate yourself. No one else taking time away from things you want to do.
For example, today I wanted to come home, visit the farmer's market for fresh vegetables and other yummy things, come back home and give my house a good cleaning, and look on TV for an exercise class I can jump along to. But my guy wanted me to stay, and since I don't give him much of my time anymore, I stayed. I did get to the farmer's market, but that's it...
I'm determined to stay home after work the next few days and get some alone time...
EXACTLY pendulum! Which is why I didn't have the time to do those things I wanted to do. Now, if I hadn't been feeling bad about not spending much time with the guy I've been dating, I would have done all the things I had planned. I am not saying I don't enjoy spending time with him because if I didn't, I would not be dating him. But I gave up on some things I wanted to do because I have to compromise, being in a relationship and all.
I mentioned to some friends the other day that I plan to go see the new Fast & Furious movie by myself. You should have seen the looks they gave me! But my guy doesn't want to go and neither do any of my friends, and I do, so off I'm going by myself. I guess partnered people aren't supposed to go to movies or dine alone! Holy cow!
This is interesting post.
It's a choice prople make for themself, for some of us were luckly to be in a romatic relaxing wonderful realtionship (which I chooose to be) and for others there realtionship is not what they expected it to be or how it turn out, thats the sad part, people do change over time for better or for worse.
No ones perfect!
Remember in a loving trusting honest realtionship both are free to do as they please, its a mutual agreement between the two, one may chose to go to the gym exercise, one may choose to go to a movie alone ect,,ect,, just examples of redneon82 ueses.
I don't like to live alone that sux to me, but I don't like to be in a control realtionship, I hate being alone, I do have my times when I want to be alone thinking ect,,ect,, but when it comes right down to it I want her by myside to cuddle with to share lifes ups and downs, someone to have fun with, laugh with cry with, even spat with from time to time, Intimacy times are a part of life and its good for male as well as female and someone that understands the reality of life, to live a happy none meterialistic way of life.
I was not Happy living alone, and I thank God everyday for the wonderful caring intelligent unselfesh beautiful girl thats come into my life.
Yeah I'm bragging and I'm proud to be able to say this.
True Love is eazy and its a wonderful wonderful thing when you have it.
I would die if I was ever alone now.
Maybe its people thats been in and out of realtionships that feel they want to be alone because that gives them the control they seek at that perticular time in there lives, time changes people, what you want today don't necessarily mean you will want that for tomorrow.
Its good to be independent and alone in some cases but not all, when all is said and done its a lonely lonely inner feeling that only that person feels, and deep down in there mind they tend to dwell or daydream about the perfect realtionship and how wonderful it would be to share your life with someone that feels and understands you better than yourself.
so what if ones been in a bad realtionship, there smart by getting out, but theres always someone out there that will come into your life, and give you what your looking for and wanting to have all your life...just have to keep looking and someday it will happen for you, then when you find her/him you will not want to live alone ...thats just the way were meant to be.
I'm not saying your giving up on realtionships but its better not to ever give up..... than to chose to live alone.
In the end after a good and wonderful 50/60 years togather , Nice home white pickett fence the whole nine yards with the same person that does come to an end (unfornately) and you are left alone without choice but thats the way life is.