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Old 04-09-2009, 10:02 PM   #1
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BDSM Relationship Advice

Hi, I need advice. Anybody else in a master/slave relationship? I'm the submissive one and have been for almost 10 years now. I do everything he tells me to and more. I look exactly how he wants me to look. He's never had to cook or clean one time. Sex when and where he wants. This is want I want. I've always wanted to be a slave. Thing is, when I'm sick or injured, I still have to do everything and am starting to feel resentful. When I've brought this subject up in the past he tells me if I'm not happy then we can drop the whole master/slave thing. Which is the last thing I want to do. I don't know to tell him that I need to be taken care of sometimes.
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Old 04-09-2009, 10:53 PM   #2
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Re: BDSM Relationship Advice

By the very nature of your relationship, I don't think that is going to happen. See if he will get you a 'slave' to look after you when you are sick. Maybe you are getting over the slave role. I feel that if you want any change out of the dynamic you are in at the moment, you will need a new partner.

 
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Old 04-10-2009, 05:28 AM   #3
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Re: BDSM Relationship Advice

You say you have tried talking to him and he reacts by threatening to stop the whole arrangement. That is a bit of an extreme reaction to a minor request. Most the relationships I have come across of slave/master there is still a loving nurturing relationship to goes both ways. In other words if the slave is injured or ill the master will take care of the slave. Maybe not to dealing with all the details of cleaning house and so on but care of the slave is important.
When you entered the agreement to take on this lifestyle did you guys just jump in or did you educate yourselves about it? Did you work out boundaries and so on? The reason I ask is if you just jumped in then odds are that might be why you have hit this snag and are meeting resistance on changing this aspect of it. Best bet is to keep talking to him and meanwhile read up on master/slave relationships. There are a great number of books that can help you.
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Old 04-10-2009, 06:39 AM   #4
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Re: BDSM Relationship Advice

Did you have a contract in place with him before you started? I'm just asking because I know sometimes people do write up contracts before they start that kind of relationship. I have a s/M relationship with a friend of mine, but it's really informal and it's actually just for fun and not at all as rigid as many others have written about.

In any case, a large part of any s/M relationship is that the two parties need to be able to communicate and discuss any concerns or issues. Furthermore, it's very important to be able to use a safe word whenever needed. Have you discussed your safe word and do you ever use it? Does he let you? He needs to be a lot more open about this and a lot less immature. It doesn't seem like he truly understands how the Master/Slave relationship works. Is he new at it? Does he know what he's doing? You really need to be able to discuss things very openly and have a complete and total trust going on if you want this thing to work out. If he can't give you that kind of openness, then you might want to think about putting an end to the whole thing anyway. I know it's hard to find someone you feel comfortable enough with to have this type of relationship, but if he isn't upholding his end of the situation by being open and allowing you to voice your concerns, then he isn't the right guy for you to be doing this with, and you need to stop it.

 
Old 04-10-2009, 08:27 AM   #5
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Re: BDSM Relationship Advice

Unless he has changed his mind - I don't think this is the case, but anyway... - it's no use telling him about your needs again. He'll certainly say the same thing again. But what did he mean by "if you are not happy then we can drop the whole thing"? Did he mean to say you can put an end to the relationship altogether?

Excuse me, but I think you are under an illusion. This kind of thing can only work if the master has a harem, so that each slave can be spared if she is ill, unwilling, or just not in the mood. I expect you don't have kids, because if you do, you're presenting them with an obsolete if not very unhealthy kind of relationship.

You need a man/woman relationship, in which domination and submission are not rigid and can change according to the circumstances.

But of course it's your choice, but then again he's possibly right: those are the rules - all or nothing, unless you can add a saving clause.

 
Old 04-10-2009, 10:31 AM   #6
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Re: BDSM Relationship Advice

I think this is awaful, slave/master in a realtionship in todays times...
what happen to the 50/50 thingy you scratch my back I'll scratch yours??

I guess I'm just old fashion we do things togather in our realtionship, one gets sick the other pampers and does the chores and takes good care of the sick one, after that its just a do it if it needs to be done sorta thing we both cook/ clean, and I help out with laundry dishes, she just don't do to much out in my shop and I wouldn't want her to but if she wanted to thats fine with me...I don't go to her hen partys either.

 
Old 04-10-2009, 06:27 PM   #7
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Re: BDSM Relationship Advice

I agree with him ^ ^. When I first read this post, I just 'bout choked on my froot loops. I'm not trying to be weird. I guess I'm just ignorant? Seriously? Slave/master? Who would want to be somebody's slave? What does the slave get out of it? After 10 years of it, I guess I'd be "resentful" too. Um... yeah... I dunno.

 
Old 04-10-2009, 09:04 PM   #8
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Re: BDSM Relationship Advice

I know very little about these kind of relationships. I, too, wonder what the slave gets out of it. I can see why someone would like to be the master, but why would anyone want to be slave? You read sometimes in the paper how somebody got forced to be a slave and couldn't escape, but to put yourself in that situation voluntarily, I can't understand why? I wish you good luck though in whatever you decide.

 
Old 04-12-2009, 03:55 PM   #9
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Re: BDSM Relationship Advice

Slaves actually get quite a bit out of it if the relationship is set up right. To be honest when it comes to slave/master relationships the slave has an interesting amount of power in the relationship. With safe words and boundaries in place the slave is the one that ends the sessions if the slave/master roles are done in sessions. If like this relationship it is a full time thing then the safe word and boundaries still play a good part is giving power to the slave.
Harems are not needed to have this kind of relationship. In most slave/master relationships when the slave is hurt or ill the master does take care of the slave out of love of their partner. Just like in a societal normal relationship when one is ill or hurt the other partner takes care of the other.
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Old 04-13-2009, 01:13 AM   #10
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Re: BDSM Relationship Advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blastoff9600 View Post
You say you have tried talking to him and he reacts by threatening to stop the whole arrangement. That is a bit of an extreme reaction to a minor request. Most the relationships I have come across of slave/master there is still a loving nurturing relationship to goes both ways. In other words if the slave is injured or ill the master will take care of the slave. Maybe not to dealing with all the details of cleaning house and so on but care of the slave is important.
When you entered the agreement to take on this lifestyle did you guys just jump in or did you educate yourselves about it? Did you work out boundaries and so on? The reason I ask is if you just jumped in then odds are that might be why you have hit this snag and are meeting resistance on changing this aspect of it. Best bet is to keep talking to him and meanwhile read up on master/slave relationships. There are a great number of books that can help you.
Thank you for your advice and for understanding. We did jump into things without researching. We just did what felt right. I'm going to take your advice and read a few books on the subject. Maybe I can get my husband to also.
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Last edited by ShayBunnie; 04-16-2009 at 09:51 PM.

 
Old 04-13-2009, 09:13 AM   #11
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Re: BDSM Relationship Advice

Yeah jumping in can be fun and exciting because you finally get to do something you have craved for a while. But then that is when things get messy or someone winds up lacking in the relationship.
It is hard to ask for advice about this.
Another option of is to write down exactly what you want to say to your husband. This way he can see what you mean. So instead of just jumping to ending the slave/master aspect he will get to sit back and see what you have to say without any interruption.
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Old 04-13-2009, 02:18 PM   #12
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Re: BDSM Relationship Advice

sounds like your guy is a "dom-wanna be" or a "pseudo dom"

just some macho control freak who has no idea of the dynamics of this sort of relationship.....

yes i agree, pick up a book......there are quite a few good ones out there

he needs to educate himself before he tries to play the part......

 
Old 04-13-2009, 08:26 PM   #13
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Re: BDSM Relationship Advice

I agree with Rose, your husband sounds like he doesn't know anything about how this type of arrangement is supposed to work. I have some experience with this and I know for a fact that he is doing it ALL WRONG. Does he even have the first clue about what he is doing? It doesn't sound like it.

Even if you read the books out there on the subject, it may help you but it's not going to change the fact that he doesn't know what he is doing. So unless you guys can have a frank discussion about it for real, set the boundaries, ground rules and safe word, then you shouldn't be having this kind of arrangement in the first place.

 
Old 04-14-2009, 06:38 AM   #14
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Re: BDSM Relationship Advice

Totally agree with Rose. Some people want to control someone because of issues of low self esteem. As soon as they can find someone to "dominate" they will jump on it and take it to the extreme. I know men and women who become dominants because they felt it was the only way they could get a relationship and a way to get someone to do everything for them so they can feel powerful because they have never had any power in their lives.

Sounds like this is out of control and you're being taken advantage of.

 
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