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Old 04-14-2009, 11:34 AM   #1
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should i tell my ex girlfriend i was nervous around her

Hello. I will try to keep this short, Me and my ex girlfriend split after 3 months, so nothing heavy , we are both 34. We got on well, enjoyed interests etc, however that flame didn't ignite between us after the initial buzz of dating, wasn't free flowing. We chatted about it and both agreed something went wrong, neither had done wrong , she said she couldn't pin point why it started to feel like this, that spark didn't developed and we agreed to call it a day, all left on good terms, we spoke about remaining friends and both seem to entertain this and yes I am thinking of contacting her to see if she would like to continue with our friendship.

however, during our time together, I was nervous around her which at first you expect , someone new etc, however this never went away, even though I was excited, I was nervous and I have never had this feeling before, where the nerves continued and as time went on I knew she picked up on this (she mentioned it) and I became more conscious of it. I cant pin point why I was like this, normally after the initial nerves I am fine with girlfriends, maybe I was a bit too eager to please. Anyway I feel that this didn't help the free flowing of us and in turn may have contributed for that flame not igniting. I would like to tell her this is how I was feeling and may have not helped with the free flowing of us / spark, just so she knows, this isn't me asking would like her back etc. I would then see if she likes the idea of continuing with our friendship, maybe without the relationship we can be good as friends as there would be no expectation and I would be relaxed around her and we would get on better.

So do you think I should tell her I was feeling nervous just so she knows how I was feeling or don't bring that up and keep it simple and see if she would like to remain friends ?

And Ladies, how would you feel about an ex of yours telling you he felt nervous?

 
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Old 04-14-2009, 11:49 AM   #2
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Re: should i tell my ex girlfriend i was nervous around her

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrblond View Post
...

So do you think I should tell her I was feeling nervous just so she knows how I was feeling or don't bring that up and keep it simple and see if she would like to remain friends ?

And Ladies, how would you feel about an ex of yours telling you he felt nervous?
Ok, I'll keep it simple, too. I don't think you should tell her anything, at least not now. If you are still friends after three or four years, you may want to share this with her. And maybe to your surprise, she may confess she had the same feelings about you. But not now, because the break-up was too recent and it may interfere with the friendship that is about to blossom.

 
Old 04-14-2009, 11:50 AM   #3
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Re: should i tell my ex girlfriend i was nervous around her

Personally, I would want some time to pass before I'd agree to be a friend with an ex-bf. If there was a good friend base, then I'd agree. But you both need time to pass, healing (even if there was no "flame" there is still a history that needs to be put in its place). I am currently friends with a man I had a relationship with last year, and even though when we parted in a friendly manner and I knew I'd enjoy a friendship with him, there was no way I could have just jumped into that.

I don't think too many women would be upset with you saying you were nervous around them. However, if you tell her that, be prepared for tons of questions! Women want to know the why of everything, we love to talk things out, and she'll never stop asking you why you were nervous. So if you aren't prepared to discuss it over and over, don't open that can of worms!

 
Old 04-14-2009, 03:00 PM   #4
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Thumbs up Re: should i tell my ex girlfriend i was nervous around her

I wonder why bother? She's an ex for a reason and the whole let's be friends thing to me seems pointless. If you have ANY feelings for her as in more than a friend cut her out of your life completely. How will you feel when she starts bangin some new guy? Do you want to hear about her new relationships ect.. . If I were you I would just cut contact and hang with your guy friends.

About telling her your nervous I don't think it matters because the relationship is over and would she really care? If a women is going judge you in a relationship about the nervousness she will outside of it also. FME it's usually best just to let it ALL go.

 
Old 04-14-2009, 06:18 PM   #5
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Re: should i tell my ex girlfriend i was nervous around her

The romance is dead, let it lie. Don't be picking over the bones. Don't push the friendship either, it will happen naturally or not at all. Cheers, Sera

 
Old 04-15-2009, 12:21 AM   #6
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Re: should i tell my ex girlfriend i was nervous around her

Thanks all for the words. I have decided to not mention about the nerves, makes no difference now. As for friends, we will see , everyones relationship / friendship is individual and where it works for some it doesnt for others, also depending on how it finished etc as we didnt finish on bad terms no issues & no deep feelings we may just find that even though the sparks didnt happen as there was a good basis of a friendship we may just be good as as friends, thats the way it works out sometimes. You never know, life is unpredictable

 
Old 04-15-2009, 06:30 AM   #7
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Re: should i tell my ex girlfriend i was nervous around her

That's great that things ended amicably and you are able to remain friends. I don't see any reason for you to not casually bring up that you were a little nervous, however by telling her do you intend on things going in a different direction or are you just wanting to tell her to get it off your chest? If you're not trying to date her, it may make her think you are. Do you still have those feelings for her or maybe this nervousness is making you confused on how you feel?

 
Old 04-15-2009, 06:31 AM   #8
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Re: should i tell my ex girlfriend i was nervous around her

Sorry, didn't see the last post wink wink

 
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