My post may be kind of long but i really need a little guidance.
I have been working with Mich* for about a year and five months. Ever since i met him there was a connection. Thought the year he has become a good friend who i have found very easy to talk to.
Mich is now married with a baby girl and instead of the puppy love feelings I felt in the beginning i think i am now falling for him.
Now i am no home wrecker. But i feel like i can't hold in my feelings anymore.
The story with is wife is she lives in Toronto and us in North America. He use to live in Toronto were he met her and dated for about 2 years in which point he decided to come back to live in America and a bit after that he found out she was pregnant. When I came along she was about 5 months into her pregnancy and they were not wed yet.
At first he did not tell me about her or the baby and we went on with our innocent flirting until one day a co worker of mine told me.
A few months after that the baby was born. It took him almost a little over 6 months to see the baby for the first time. She came to live and they got married. A few months of living here she was home sick and left. This has been going on ever since, she comes for about 2 weeks and leaves.
In the mean time my feelings for him have been growing and growing, up to the point i feel i have fallen for him.
I have tried to cut ties with him to avoid getting my heart broken however i have found it's a lot harder than imagined. When i speak to him about forgetting about him he will get angry and think he did something wrong or tell me it's unfair the way i acting. I feel like i am getting mixed signals from him as well because he won't talk to me about us or he will say he's not the cheating kind yet tells me he can't seem to let go of me and he enjoys speaking to me and the constant flirting. It's not like it's not known that there is an attraction as I've had people come up to me asking if i was his girlfriend or his wife when i say no people seem a bit confessed just because of the way we act towards each other. When I'm around him I feel people staring at us has if to catch us. But i can't help but feel a great deal of happiness that takes over my heart when i am around him, has if he was meant to be there. The first time i saw him with his daughter i knew i wanted him to be the father of my children.
Like I said I am no home wrecker but i feel like in this situation I don't know what to do. If she loved him she won't be in Toronto she would be at her husbands side. In the mean time he works hard to make sure the baby is taken care of (mind you she has no job).
I don't wish for you to look at me wrong and think I steal husbands. I just know what I feel inside and each day with out him is killing me more and more inside and i am too afraid to confront him because even if i have developed stronger feelings for him we are amazing friends and i'm scared to loose that side of him.
Please any in sight/ advice even ways to forget about him would be grateful. I don't want to regret one day that things don't go well in his marriage and I'm not around because i wanted to let him go. I feel like this guy makes me truly happy in ways i have never felt before and i would be completely heartbroken if I knew i stood a chance and out of respect i didn't speak my voice. I would do anything for his man and i need help with the pain i am going through.
I know in an affair the mistress is always the one that gets hurt but A. I'm not a mistress and B. there has to be a reason why he can't let me go has well .
This man has it all - he can avoid any commitment to a future with you because he is married; the wife and child are far enough away so that he can act like a single man, and be protected from anything serious happening with anyone else. He has a female friend on tap to play with and flirt with. Of course he doesn't want to let go - why would he? Call me a cynic, but when I see somebody having his cake and eating it too like this guy, I can't help thinking he is on to a pretty good thing. One day he will either go all the way into his marriage (lucky wife, LOL), or he will just move on. There is nothing for your here; if there was, he wouldn't have married the other woman. Take care, Sera.
Besides the fact that he is married (whether he was or not, when you met), he becomes even more taboo when you factor in that you're co-workers are warning you, and people are already talking. When your co-workers advise you that your flirty fun is being played out with a married man...that jeopardizes your reputation at work.
I'm not saying this won't be hard, but you have to stick with personal ethics. You have to draw the line that you stand on. There is nothing good that can come out of this for you....not to mention the child. This man is on his way to breaking hearts, those of his wife, his innocent child, and anyone else who is in his path. Don't let that be you.
You may have fallen in love with him, but actually I'd think (but I could be wrong) you've fallen in love with a façade. You don't really know this man. You've only had a glimpse of who he is at work. You've never had a relationship with him. Not outside the work place, I presume. I also have the impression that this man is playing with you and your feelings. Or else he is unable to make a decision.
There are only two options for you, I am afraid:
A. If you can't leave this job, try to find a position in another office, so you don't have to meet him on a daily basis. Take a short vacation, if applicable, go out with your friends, find other things to do, to read, to watch... Busy youself with new projects. Whatever. I know this is hard and painful, and the beginning is particularly so, but you aren't the first one to do it. Don't ask yourself if this is right or wrong. Just do it. Be firm with your goal of moving on past this man. You will eventually make it and feel free.
B. This second option is more dangerous and risky: in one word, unpredictable. It can make you vulnerable and prolong your pain, but it's up to you, really. The only benefit of this option, if I am not wrong, is that you are going to set the record straight. Put all your cards on the table and ask him to put his, too. Don't ask him for an immediate answer. Give him time to think and act. You can only accept two objective answers from him: "Yes, I want to be with you and I will do this and that," or "No, I think we'd be better to part at this point." Then you'll know what you have to do. If he gives you the first answer, remember, though, that he will always have his daughter and she will probably be a priority in his life. If not, he is not a good father, and in this case why would you want him to be the father of your kids?
You're going to get your heart broken. You know, that right? I know you can't help how you feel and he is sending you mixed signals (most unhappy married guys do), but if you want to prevent yourself from getting hurt, you need to move on.
I really think you know the answer, but I think you were just hoping someone would give you some fairy tale answer to make you feel better. I don't think you're a homewrecker or a wife stealer, but unfortunately if things progress with him then everyone who knows you in real life will think you are because you're with a married guy. And your reputation at work will be in huge jeopardy.
I just wanted to say that I know what it's like to unavoidably fall in love with a married man even though you are no marriage-wrecker. In my case I just wanted to be a platonic friend and keep my inner feelings under control.
Sadly it doesn't work and the end is always painful.
I think that you already know what you need to do. Mitch is married and it sounds as if he wants to eat the cake and still have it. You say that he gets angry when you tell him that it's best for you to forget about him. So, why doesn't he get a divorce then and become available to you? He is playing games, don't let him waste your time.
I think you need to shift the focus off the hopes of a future with him and how you can make that happen and focus more on the here and now. the poster who mentioned your co workers is right. Your co workers are warning you that you guys are acting inappropriately and it will get you in trouble someday. Do you love this guy enough to lose your job for him even if he never takes it any farther than flirting with you? I hope you don't.
I think you should be honest with him about this part. That people are talking and people have mentioned your behavior to you and you are concerned for both your jobs and your futures at the company. I understand this could be difficult, especially since he copped an attitude and insists he's doing nothing wrong. Well, if he does anything with you that he would NOT do with his wife standig right there watching, then he's doing something wrong.
I’d like to thank you all for your messages and I would also like to thank you for not judging me. Seeing my situation from the out side in has been refreshing and also painful.
I am now noticing things and it hurts because I know it may be true. I in no way intended to hurt anyone one else especially not the baby and coming from a divorced family who separated because of something similar I should have noticed off the bat.
I didn’t see myself has the flirty friend because I thought he made me feel special and when I’m around him this enormous childish smile takes over, the butterfly’s take over and just about the whole nine yards.
Now he is look for a new apartment. He knew the one next to mine was available and was going with the idea of calling it home thankfully it got rented out yesterday now he wants me to help him look for apartments and that’s not all he wants to look for one in my neighborhood. I told him it was a bad idea and he still thinks that I am mad at him for something. He even made comments like it would be great because I knew how to cook and he didn’t so it would work or that I would be able to come over and spend time. That’s where the making you’re caking and eating it too plays out.
I know I have to let go, quitting my job is not an option but seeing him in a different perspective has helped. It won’t be easy because I’ve developed feelings I never should have let myself feel but your right my reputation depends on it and thinking about that baby breaks m heart.
I thought he was Mr. Right and now I feel like a fool. I wish there was a way to have a semi happy ending. In the end he is a great person to talk to and an overall good friend.
Nothing good every comes from a relationship with a married man. no matter what he says about how bad things are with him doesn't mean he's ever going to leave. The hardest thing to do is to cut all ties. You can't be friends with someone you have feelings for that are still so fresh and new. Spending anytime with him will only make things worse. So many times people say things like "I didn't mean it to happen" or 'We didn't plan it".. but the thing is is we may not plan it but if we put ourselves into a situation that is potentially dangerous then we are asking for it to happen.
Hard as this may be..... let him go completely. If he wants to end his relationship with his wife, let him do it on his own. If he wants you then he will disolve his marriage. Nothing ever good comes out of something like this... the only thing that will happen is tremendous pain for you.
My post may be kind of long but i really need a little guidance.
I have been working with Mich* for about a year and five months. Ever since i met him there was a connection. Thought the year he has become a good friend who i have found very easy to talk to.
Mich is now married with a baby girl and instead of the puppy love feelings I felt in the beginning i think i am now falling for him.
Now i am no home wrecker. But i feel like i can't hold in my feelings anymore.
The story with is wife is she lives in Toronto and us in North America. He use to live in Toronto were he met her and dated for about 2 years in which point he decided to come back to live in America and a bit after that he found out she was pregnant. When I came along she was about 5 months into her pregnancy and they were not wed yet.
At first he did not tell me about her or the baby and we went on with our innocent flirting until one day a co worker of mine told me.
A few months after that the baby was born. It took him almost a little over 6 months to see the baby for the first time. She came to live and they got married. A few months of living here she was home sick and left. This has been going on ever since, she comes for about 2 weeks and leaves.
In the mean time my feelings for him have been growing and growing, up to the point i feel i have fallen for him.
I have tried to cut ties with him to avoid getting my heart broken however i have found it's a lot harder than imagined. When i speak to him about forgetting about him he will get angry and think he did something wrong or tell me it's unfair the way i acting. I feel like i am getting mixed signals from him as well because he won't talk to me about us or he will say he's not the cheating kind yet tells me he can't seem to let go of me and he enjoys speaking to me and the constant flirting. It's not like it's not known that there is an attraction as I've had people come up to me asking if i was his girlfriend or his wife when i say no people seem a bit confessed just because of the way we act towards each other. When I'm around him I feel people staring at us has if to catch us. But i can't help but feel a great deal of happiness that takes over my heart when i am around him, has if he was meant to be there. The first time i saw him with his daughter i knew i wanted him to be the father of my children.
Like I said I am no home wrecker but i feel like in this situation I don't know what to do. If she loved him she won't be in Toronto she would be at her husbands side. In the mean time he works hard to make sure the baby is taken care of (mind you she has no job).
I don't wish for you to look at me wrong and think I steal husbands. I just know what I feel inside and each day with out him is killing me more and more inside and i am too afraid to confront him because even if i have developed stronger feelings for him we are amazing friends and i'm scared to loose that side of him.
Please any in sight/ advice even ways to forget about him would be grateful. I don't want to regret one day that things don't go well in his marriage and I'm not around because i wanted to let him go. I feel like this guy makes me truly happy in ways i have never felt before and i would be completely heartbroken if I knew i stood a chance and out of respect i didn't speak my voice. I would do anything for his man and i need help with the pain i am going through.
I know in an affair the mistress is always the one that gets hurt but A. I'm not a mistress and B. there has to be a reason why he can't let me go has well .
