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Old 05-04-2009, 09:26 AM   #1
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G/F Not being truthful?

hi everyone!!!
I been working out of town this last week, called my g/f tried to call her and no answer? home or cell, no text messages or anything? (over the weekend) Friday thru Sunday Night.
When I got home I ask her where she was over the weekend? she won't tell me, she just says ''just out thats all'' I ask her alone or with someone? where and what she did? she won't say just out is all she says.
my friendly neihbor comfirm to me that she was gone all three days.
It kinda up-sets me that she won't let me know.
Guess its not any of my bussiness?

Maybe I shouldn't care, we did make a pac that were both free to do and see who ever we please.
I just thought to each other maybe I took that wrong? I HAVE NO Ideal where she was? or even if she was with someone?
she is so stobborn and it just iterates me.
maybe theres not anything to this?
she seems glad to see me back ect,,ect,,?
I'M JUST A LITTLE WORRIED THATS ALL.

 
Old 05-04-2009, 09:33 AM   #2
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Re: G/F Not being truthful?

chevy you know how I feel about this woman.....

she doesn't treat you right

she would not accept that kind of answer from you if you were missing in action for 3 days straight.......

she has different rules for you and for her......

 
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Old 05-04-2009, 09:40 AM   #3
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Re: G/F Not being truthful?

If you agreed to a pact that each of you can do and see whomever you please, then you gave up your right to question her. Even if she went out of town with another man, you agreed to this arrangement.

If you really didn't want to agree to it, why did you?

Last edited by Redneon82; 05-04-2009 at 09:41 AM.

 
Old 05-04-2009, 10:06 AM   #4
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Re: G/F Not being truthful?

What a dangerous pact, for all I know, lol. Unless she is preparing a big and happy surprise for you?

Does the pact also forbid you to ask questions?

Pacts can be changed, but both parties must be heard. Perhaps a clause could be inserted allowing for transparence. Both of you could still go out with other people, but both of you would have the right to know what is going on, not all the details.

Anyway, I find that kind of relationship too great a risk for any couple. I don't think you are protecting yourselves enough by allowing this kind of pact.

Last edited by pendulum; 05-04-2009 at 10:07 AM.

 
Old 05-04-2009, 10:17 AM   #5
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Re: G/F Not being truthful?

chevy if you're free to do whatever you please and see whoever you want, she's not your girlfriend.....she's just some girl you date....

don't confuse the two.....she's not committing, you shouldn't either!

 
Old 05-04-2009, 10:52 AM   #6
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Re: G/F Not being truthful?

I don't know why anyone would agree to such an arrangement! Either you are exclusive or not, and if you are not ready ...why bring it up at all? You are usually free to see others unless you reach a level and agreement where neither of you even want too anymore.

Now, that being said.......it seems you have no leg to stand on with your questions...but if you are certain that she would want to know...if the shoe were on the other foot, then leave for the weekend, and don't answer your phone......if when you return she has a problem with that, then throw all your cards back on the table and start over, and don't agree to seeing others if that isn't what you want from this relationship.
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Old 05-04-2009, 12:29 PM   #7
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Re: G/F Not being truthful?

Well we did agree to a pact, but it was only until we were intmate, and we have been, everything seems to be ok with all that, I'm sure she would want to know if I left out like that without any notice what so ever.
As for as I know...she don't have a suprise for me...

I guess it should not bother me where she goes but it does who she sees ect,,ect,,...what if she had an affair? and I catch something from her..is that the only way to tell if she was out with someone?
I personally don't think she was but I'm having a little hard time that she won't tell me where she was over the weekend?
maybe one poster was right I have no right to question her?

This woman is werid believe me, I can't tell what she up to from one minute to the other, one minute she is so precious to me, cooks & cleans my place does my laundry buys me things shirts and stuff like that, she warms me sooo much and sometimes she does this to me?

SHE PULL THIS ONCE BEFORE WHEN SHE WAS NOT AT HER PLACE AND I SEEN HER COME IN LATE NIGHT after I was getting off work, SHE THEN NEVER WOULD LET ME KNOW WHERE OR WHAT SHE WAS DOING ''JUST OUT'' SHE ALWAYS SAYS.

Should I just let this go? never question her?...where is the trust ? I think she thinks I don't trust her but I do..its just that I'd kinda like to know where she was and what she was doing this last weekend why she never answered my calls ect,,ect,,
yes were both free to do as we please but that was before we
BOTH committed to each other, the first time we made love is when that happen.
I just don't know what to do , I want to know where her where abouts was and she won't tell me like its a big secret to her...I guess I'm beginning to not trust her, she could at least let me know where she was, I told her I was worried sick about her...I almost left work and flew back home.
if I did that I would have been let go, I need my job I just don't need the Drama and heartache, it stresses me out way to much.
The thing is I trust her with my bussiness, its just some extra income, commercial business property I own....But that is taken care of with my tennants I do trust them to pay there rent.
which they always do , other than that I have no clue what she was up to?
and of course she is not on my bank accounts or any legal business of mine.
not yet anywayz!! grrrr

Last edited by chevyman; 05-04-2009 at 12:46 PM.

 
Old 05-04-2009, 12:32 PM   #8
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Re: G/F Not being truthful?

chevy I remember that time you're talking about.....
you need to disappear for a weekend and see how she reacts.....
and don't discuss your whereabouts.....
fair is fair, start treating her like she treats you!

 
Old 05-04-2009, 01:02 PM   #9
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Re: G/F Not being truthful?

Does she know the "pact" is off? Did the two of you discuss it, or are you just assuming that since you two have been intimate that the pact is automatically off?

If you've discussed being exclusive and you've both agreed, then you do have the right to ask if she's been with anyone else. Be prepared for her to 1) get offended 2) refuse to answer or 3) tell the truth, but resent you for not trusting her. I personally would want to know, not only for health reasons but for emotional reasons too.

I am glad you didn't jeopardize your job just to fly home and check up on her. That certainly wouldn't have been a good move.

I'd sit down with her and ask...are the two of you an exclusive couple or not? She can be nice to you without being exclusive, you know. If you want answers you are going to have to have a talk with her. Wondering and stressing out are doing you no good at all.

 
Old 05-04-2009, 07:20 PM   #10
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Re: G/F Not being truthful?

Quote:
Originally Posted by chevyman View Post
I guess it should not bother me where she goes but it does who she sees ect,,ect,,...what if she had an affair? and I catch something from her..is that the only way to tell if she was out with someone?
I personally don't think she was but I'm having a little hard time that she won't tell me where she was over the weekend?
maybe one poster was right I have no right to question her?
See, if I was in a relationship, I would not leave my man to wonder like crazy where I was. That's just not fair. It's not fair to you at all. You have every right to question her politely. It is wrong of her to do this to you. You two have been in a relationship for long enough now that she should keep you informed of things like this and not leave you wondering. I would care that my boyfriend would be quite concerned about what I was doing that I would glady keep him informed. I would want to know what he was up to all that time too. It's what you'd call being considerate of the other person that is in your life.
Sounds to me like she is hiding something.
Either that, or she is just very very independent and is really trying to enjoy the feeling of being free and not having to explain herself to anyone. (?)
Personally, I think you deserve better than this.

Last edited by chocolate29; 05-04-2009 at 07:20 PM. Reason: left something out

 
Old 05-05-2009, 02:42 AM   #11
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Re: G/F Not being truthful?

Thanks Guys I certainly appreciate your input.
Well we had our first fight tonight it was pretty bad I got down on her pretty mean, she called me tonight and I ask her one more time where she was over the weekend being gone three days like she was she simply said ''just out thats all just out''...that ****** me off and I lite into her, I said you think thats funny do you? she said we'll..and thats what made me lose it, the way she said ''we'll.... I told her maybe we should just stop seeing each other, I'm a little upset maybe I won't think about this so much tomorrow but I just yelled at her maybe for no reason I hung up and she never called me back, the thing here is she is the type to come back with ''Well if thats the way you want to be''and put this all off on me when i never did anything but question her where abouts,I know she would be very up-set with me if I was the one out for three days and nights not knowing where I was or anything no calls no nothing for three days, hell this would not set to well with the perfect married couple...would it?
so heres my question should I just sux it up and let it go or try to get to the truth?
I Love her more than anyone I've eve known so much I do want to marry her but if her attitude/trust don't change this old boy will be a free man before to long....I promise you guys that.

 
Old 05-05-2009, 05:17 AM   #12
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Re: G/F Not being truthful?

I can't understand why you're still trying with her. You've had nothing but problems with her from the beginning. This is your chance to get rid of her and start fresh with someone new.

I'm sorry but there is no excuse for her to not tell you where she was, unless she was out doing something she knows you would not approve of, and that's why she isn't telling you. I'm sure she probably got together with some other guy and that's why she isn't saying anything. For that reason alone you should dump her!

If she won't ever tell you where she was (and at this point, I wouldn't believe her even if she did say something about where), then why are you still trying so hard to save this farce of a relationship? It's such a waste of your time! You know darn well she wouldn't put up with you pulling the same trick on her, so don't you let her do it to you!

Get rid of this one, she has been bad news since you first started dating her!!

 
Old 05-05-2009, 05:40 AM   #13
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Re: G/F Not being truthful?

Chevy, this looks like a tug of war, doesn't it?

Don't know what to advise... Hmm, maybe cool off first, have a serious conversation and make a new pact. A more realistic and mature pact, if anything.

Don't talk about marriage, though. And don't go to bed in order to resolve your differences. And don't fool yourself into thinking that you really love her more than anyone you have ever known. Too much love for anyone is a two-edged knife.

If she refuses to talk or to commit herself, better to leave her alone.

 
Old 05-05-2009, 06:37 AM   #14
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Re: G/F Not being truthful?

chevy my advice is walk away

she's playing games, it's like a power trip for her. she's in control, because she has something you want (information on her whereabouts), and she's not giving it to you, it's almost like she's saying nah nah nah nah

tell her goodbye and have a nice life.

 
Old 05-05-2009, 06:43 AM   #15
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Re: G/F Not being truthful?

At worst she spent the weekend with some guy, at best she is playing mind games with you by not telling you where she was. Either way it doesn't bode well for the relationship.

 
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