rude mother hang-up on me - Relationship Health Message Board

mizzyrt · 05-11-2009, 04:01 AM

the last heated discussion ended with my mother hanging up on me.
she constantly interrupted me ,talked over me when i was trying to communicate my feelings. It was about the lack of communication.
I begged her several times to be quite and wait until I was finished even if i was in the wrong or right! please! wait! She refused, an said, don't you tell what to do and then she said that I didn't love her. I couldn't believe it

then she hung-up
I thought to my self later, is this why the rest of the family refuses to talk to my mother. Unfortunately, yes, it is.
We have not talked since.
Its mothers day and this really is the pits.
Please Help how do i get her to listen

BigRed54 · 05-11-2009, 07:46 AM

Mizzy - I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Unfortunately, there are people that will never change and who do lose their whole families to behavior like this. I hope this isn't the case for you because it is hard to have to cut family off, but sometimes it's the only way.

It's admirable that you want to try and try again. To try to find other ways to communicate. Perhaps you could sit down and write a heartfelt letter to her and send it to her? If you're not good at writing letters, ask someone who has a way with words to help you out. Just be very sure not to put in anything that sounds like it's blaming her, or something personal that she could use against you. (I learned that one the hard way - if you don't want anyone else to read it, DO NOT put it in writing! My ex-H shared my heartfelt letters with another woman.)

Good luck. This is a hard one. Hopefully someone who has had experience with this type of issue will chime in.

sunnyrise · 05-11-2009, 12:58 PM

Very very sorry about this. My mother used to hang up on me too and it hurt. I realized that our views were so very different on most everything and we couldn't agree on anything.

It took me a long time to learn to "accept" my mother for what she is because she was not going to change and guess what? I was not going to change either. A very difficult lesson for me. Today we are better at communicating because I know what "topics" NOT to talk about compared to "safe" topics.

I know accepting someone that we love totally for what they are is not easy because we want them to understand our feelings. I remember when I was in my 20's I said to my mother "how come you never tell me that you love me?" and that shocked her. She couldn't say the words but the next day she wrote me a little note and wrote that she loved me which shocked me.

As I became older I knew she loved me but she just had a difficult time expressing it as well as understanding my feelings. So whenever I needed to express whatever I was feeling and still do, I talk to my best friends.

As BigRed said, I think writing a letter is a great idea, just don't be judgmental or you won't get a positive response. Your Mom is your Mom and she isn't going to change. She is that way for a reason just like my mother is the way she is for reasons, my Grandmother was like that as well.

I much as I hate to say this, sometimes we have to grovel a bit to our elders because they did raise us and do deserve some respect.

Hope this helps a bit,
Sunny

one gal · 05-11-2009, 02:42 PM

I am so sorry that is how your Mother's Day had to be. Have you talked to her since? Does she live far from you? I was just wondering if there was anyway you could possibly discuss your feelings face to face, then she can't hang up on you & it might seem more real to her.
Not to compare situations, but my mom lives out of state and whenever we would (& still do) talk, she would say whatever it is she wanted to talk about and then when it would be my turn she would suddenly have to hang up because she HAD TO GO TO THE BATHROOM! What is that about? But, unfortunatly, like Sunny posted, sometimes we just have to accept people for who they are & we are the ones that have to be carefull and walk on eggshells to avoid any conflicts. I think it all depends on how important that realationship is to us. & that is a very hard thing to face. We have to watchout for ourselves & protect our own feelings.
Good luck to you & let us know how things work out.

mizzyrt · 05-12-2009, 01:33 PM

Thank you for your reply's.
I will write her a letter with a friends help.
I let you know how it all comes out