It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 06-02-2009, 04:21 PM   #1
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,908
chevyman HB User
I don't wanna be married eh!

I don't wanna be married I just want to be loved.
Is there anything wrong with that?

my g/f hit me with this last night...and it just knocked me down..
she said that I'm always asking her why she don't ever tells me she loves me
(most of you know about this) anyway she said to me ''marry me if you Love me''?...duh...> I don't want to get married...yet, I just want her to love me..then after about 100 years if were still togather I'll think about it (jokely) and she is serious.
what do I do guys?

 
Old 06-02-2009, 07:47 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
rosequartz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chicago,IL
Posts: 10,334
rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
Re: I don't wanna be married eh!

you know darn well what to do.....you don't even ENTERTAIN that thought Chevy....gimmee a break, it's like she's dangling a carrot on a stick in front of you, you'll never get that carrot, but you keep trying....
tell her if she loves you to start saying it and you will THINK about marrying her. You don't have to prove anything to her, she needs to prove something to you......
she's really manipulative, she just wants a prize (a husband and a ring) to show her family

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 06-02-2009, 08:33 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: California
Posts: 2,095
Redneon82 HB User
Re: I don't wanna be married eh!

So she expects you to marry her to prove your love, but she's not even willing to say she loves you (except during sex)? Why is it you have to give and give and she won't give you the most basic things you ask for...expressions of love and some affection?

This is awfully one-sided, isn't it?

 
Old 06-02-2009, 09:20 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,908
chevyman HB User
Re: I don't wanna be married eh!

I don't know why Red??
rose , I'm gonna get that carrot you just hide and watch eh!

Yeah seriously she wants us to get married...and I have cold feet...besides like red said she won't give me just the basics and tell me she loves me.

Affection and Expressions of love is something I can deal with but her not ever saying she loves me I just can't deal with that, Thats an expression of love to hear her say it sure but I Love her to death...if I tell her I can't marry her she will be sooo mad...I just hee haw around and say things to satisfy her at that moment but its getting worse...

However, if I marry her maybe then she will tell me she loves me?
remember with this girl everything seems to work backass backwards.
she still won't tell me where she was that weekend, just says'' I was out thats all''

Maybe I should just go ahead and marry this girl get it over with...I dunno...eh!

Nah I can get other women but I don't want other women I want her and her alone...but I just don't know what to do.
I'm sooo tired of the bar scene and flrity painted up women...this girl is not like that far from it she does wear make up but just a little...I don't know why I'm crazy about her but I am....theres something there I never felt before and its driving me insane.....maybe I 'm just blind for my own good?

 
Old 06-02-2009, 09:57 PM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 4,081
Larrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB UserLarrylou'smom HB User
Re: I don't wanna be married eh!

If you don't ever want to get married, to anyone ever, then you should tell her. You should have told her immediately as soon as she said "marry me if you want me to love you" or whatever. Be honest. You will never find the right woman for you if you aren't honest about what you want and what you don't want.

 
Old 06-03-2009, 02:41 AM   #6
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: ny ny usa
Posts: 150
nobodyknows HB User
Re: I don't wanna be married eh!

Chevy
it's interesting that you defend her when others tell you to move on...even i have told you that.
now i'm not so sure.
getting married is a normal goal for a woman. it doesn't mean she's trying to bait you. when i was single i never wasted my time with men who didn't see marriage as a worthwhile goal.
there's nothing wrong with saying "i don't care about marriage" or "it's just a piece of paper" but if that's how you feel....don't vilify her, just let her go.
she wants to marry and you don't.
i see her side of this, personally.

 
Old 06-03-2009, 03:57 AM   #7
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Melbourne,Florida
Posts: 34
youngNhurting HB User
Re: I don't wanna be married eh!

chevy what i don't understand is if she can't say i love you then what makes her think she is ready to get married? just a little confusing to me...and the way she said it makes it sound like an ultimatum and if someone gave me an ultimatum well i don't handle that well...lol...in a relationship you have to compromise and if she is willing to marry you than she loves you right? so why can't she just do that small thing for you and tell you she loves you? to me it does sound a little one-sided

 
Old 06-03-2009, 04:41 AM   #8
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,908
chevyman HB User
Re: I don't wanna be married eh!

I'm the one that does all the compromising,
I bend over backwards for this girl ,I do spoil her I admit that and its my fault.
I give in to her on just about everything like a little whip pup, now don't get me wrong I don't do this just to be intimate with her, I do it because I'm deeply in Love with her and I'm just not getting that love in return, every time I sac myself up to really confront her about the way she makes me feel I have good intintions to set her straight but for some reason when I'm face to face with her..she just melts me and all my thoughts go out the window..now why is that?
she makes my heart beat like never before...and its a good feeling....I love to be with her and do things with her she is a fun person and we get along great we never hardly agure..she just don't agure ...unless she gets mad but thats very rare.

I do have my doubts about her love/ but she seems like she does love me she shows it, its just that she won't let me know verbally, but if I tell her I have doubts about her , I'm afraid this realtionship will be over and I do not want that...aghhh

I finally found the love of my life its just that I'm not sure I'm the love of her life...weird huh!
I know you guys have gave me some great advise and I know all you guys mean well I just don't know what to do about this....I just can't walk away like that its not eazy believe me.
I want to start a family and she does too...hey I'm not getting any younger..

 
Old 06-03-2009, 04:56 AM   #9
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: US
Posts: 787
BeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB User
Re: I don't wanna be married eh!

From what little I've read about this relationship...she sounds pretty whacked to me! Her reasoning is totally "out there"! Why in the world would you marry someone that treats you like she does? HECK...why even continue a relationship with someone that acts like she does?
__________________
My posts are just my opinion only and are not of a professional nature.

Last edited by BeaTrade; 06-03-2009 at 04:58 AM.

 
Old 06-03-2009, 05:59 AM   #10
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: alma, mi
Posts: 379
dolejaly HB User
Re: I don't wanna be married eh!

You answered your own problem in all reality.....Yes, you are infatuated w/ her, you love her, maybe not in love, but love her none the less, she is great competition for you"obviously"....But, deep down inside you don't know if she really is the right woman for you, and that is why you hesitate upon marriage w/ her..Which is good...I take it this woman is drop dead gorgeous? There are so many divorces because people don't marry anymore for true love, just as you said "just do it and get it over with"....

It sounds to me that little love game we all have either seen or played of "If you don't do this for me then you don't love me, or If you love me you will do this for me"......Maybe the better question here is define love on both partners here for us.....Define what marriage is between two people here(not one sided, but both).....Everyone in life eventually wants to have a family and have that security of partnership to build in life together....but, sometimes people are more infatuated w/ being in love with the idea of being married rather than knowing love and marriage and what it truly is.....Just to hear her say the words "I love You" is worth testing the waters in marriage that could fail in the end...awful expensive test there huh?.....

Being a female myself I will admit it is fun to be the one pulling the puppet strings in the relationship game, but then in the end after you get all you want from that person, your bored and move on to the next puppet...You don't want to be that puppet, if you can't talk with her openly now, how will your marriage survive, maybe write a letter to her and watch your words carefully to express some of the issues and concerns you have.....Once you stand up to her you might actually get the affection and attention you desire....If she dumps you as you fear, then in all reality she didn't love you and for the positive side of it you didn't waste 3,5,9 or more years to find that answer and your then old and alone..find your answers now.....I don't know about you, but I would not want to be with someone that I loved them but they didn't love me, and I knew that...To see friends that are happy in love and planning their life together and all you can say is, yup I really love her and she is just with me....

One thing I don't understand is you say you love her so much and just so into her, but yet you ask for so much to change about her, so what is it about her you love when you make comments about you don't get what you want in return because of the way she is, so obviously you don't have that relationship as some have that can express of why they love their partner....What does she tell you why she wants to marry you? Not get married, but why it is you that she wants the marriage with?

 
Old 06-03-2009, 08:19 AM   #11
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,908
chevyman HB User
Re: I don't wanna be married eh!

Well I know she loves me she shows it in other ways , I ask her one time ''why don't you say you love me'' she says'' I don't need to say it you already know I do''
anyway we just hit it off the first time we met and become best friends and I didn't want it to go further than that but it has, she never wanted to date or nor has she dated a man in 7 or 8 years sinse her hubby passed away, its took her this long to come out of her widow shell if you will...and she says that I'm the man for her and she don't need to look or want to be with anyone but me, so we just some how fell in Love with each other and then I made the big mistake and was intimate with her, yeah it was the wild hot passion that first night for the both of us it just happen but the thing is we both loved it and was comfortable with each other it was a beautiful thing for both of us.
and we have got closer with each other ever sinse.

I just happen to be more deeply in love with her, she is just the type to show her love toward me in a strange way I'm just not use to.
I just ask her for more time togather as a couple and let me have a little space ...she agreed..so I just need to think long and hard and see what happens.
I don't think anyone can tell what lies ahead for me if I do marry her, or anyone else for that matter, to me this realtionship will either work out as we want it to or it want...no body knows how their realtionship will work out after there married...but as some of you said you got to have a good solaid foundation to build on ect,,ect,,

I know I'm not perfect neither is she we both have our faults, some say I'm just a sugar daddy to her...thats not it at all she is very well financially secure , we both have outstanding careers, I have my own place she has her own, there never will be a pre-nap either she never ask for one and I want either..I told her were both in this thing togather forever and that there will be hard times and big decisions to make we been through all this serveral times, her never telling me verbally that she Loves me is the entire issue here.
I need to know if she Loves me for me thats all I need to know.

 
Old 06-03-2009, 08:19 AM   #12
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: California
Posts: 2,095
Redneon82 HB User
Re: I don't wanna be married eh!

I think she's a barterer...do my chores and I'll have sex with you! Marry me and I might say I love you!

Relationships are supposed to be equal give and take, not gimme gimme.

Just the fact that you can't stand up and let her know how you truly feel lets me know this relationship is in trouble...if you're afraid to be honest with someone about what you need, you certainly shouldn't be married to that person!

Think long and hard...don't marry her just because she's holding something you want in front of you...you may not get it even if you marry her!

 
Old 06-03-2009, 09:24 AM   #13
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 2,908
chevyman HB User
Re: I don't wanna be married eh!

Red, I'm not sure what you mean ''she holding something in front of me''?
I hope your not meaning sex?
The thing is yeah she is a beautiful lovely slim attractive woman, but the thing is I don't care about that anymore, its more to it that that, I love the way she makes me feel as a man ,just to be around her is pleasing to me, she makes me feel different than anyone I've ever known its how she makes me feel inside and the feelings /vibes I get with her she makes me feel like I am wanted and not just an old roll in the hay......we both would kill for each other, she is a little jelous of me and I'm a little with her but if ever two people were connected its us.
some say jelously is not good in a realtionship but there lying thre their teeth...we all know the truth here ...theres controling jelously and then theres the innocent jelousy. thats what I'm referring to.
...
In my opinion every couple marrired or not does have some jelousy in there heart other wise the realtionship would not be a good one, if the other didn't care what the other one does.
Anyway I'm just rambling now eh!

Last edited by chevyman; 06-03-2009 at 09:28 AM.

 
Old 06-03-2009, 09:26 AM   #14
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: US
Posts: 787
BeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB User
Re: I don't wanna be married eh!

These lyrics keep going through my head as I read your posts about this woman. Head games...that's all I get from you is head game...I can't take it anymore...head games....
__________________
My posts are just my opinion only and are not of a professional nature.

 
Old 06-03-2009, 09:28 AM   #15
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: US
Posts: 787
BeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB UserBeaTrade HB User
Re: I don't wanna be married eh!

Quote:
Originally Posted by chevyman View Post
Red, I'm not sure what you mean ''she holding something in front of me''?
I hope your not meaning sex?
She said if you'd marry her she'd say "I love you". That's the carrot people keep talking about.
__________________
My posts are just my opinion only and are not of a professional nature.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
I just wanna know..What is Marriage ? midblue_alone Relationship Health 5 01-19-2006 11:55 AM
I need help... I don't know what to do anymore! prettyflower Mental Health 5 04-05-2005 06:43 AM
in love, but dnt wanna be married 2 someone who hates marriage! ellekay Relationship Health 3 06-20-2003 12:59 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (271), rosequartz (251), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (155), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (95), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1165), MSJayhawk (1000), Apollo123 (898), Titchou (833), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (758), ladybud (747), sammy64 (668), midwest1 (665), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:26 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!