I'm just after other people's opinions, because I don't understand the whole cheating with a married man scenario. I mean, what makes a female even want to be with a married man? The whole thing is beyond me, and I am trying to make sense of the situation.
I am married, and over the last 12 years, there has been no end to the number of women who have tried to get my husband to have sex with them. I totally trust him (please don't go down that line), but why do woman even want to do this in the first place. I even had one of them ring me up to tell me she was seeing my husband, and had been for a couple of years. That is just nasty.
I feel like women are so competitive with one another, that its a case of "I'll show you that I can have him too." It just makes me sick, even before I was married, the idea of having a relationship with a married man, was disgusting to me.
It just shows a total lack of self-respect and dignity to me. Can anyone else shed light on this, as I am totally sick of women chasing my husband, despite knowing he is married.
I think there are a lot of different reasons. I myself have never entertained the notion of messing with a married man, but I do know a married man who I do have an innocent crush on. I would never act on it, unless things went south in his marriage and he gave me encouragement and was clear about ending his marriage, but I think I can see why some women would act on it.
Women make up 52% of the population, so from the start we outnumber men. Take into consideration all the players, all the liars, and otherwise emotionally dysfunctional men, and what they say really is true - all the good men are taken. Once you get to a certain age, if you want a really good, quality man, you're simply going to have to take him away from someone else. I'm 44 and have been in the dating scene really big time for about 12 years now and have dated probably around 200 men, with not even one single second date, and I could write a book about the freak parade that's out there when it comes to single men of a certain age. I'll never forget a line from a tv show I saw about 20 yeas back, when one of the main characters' old college girlfriend came for a visit and his wife was on edge and it turned out she did make a move on him, she said "married men make much more sensitive lovers." If a man is over 35 and not married, it's probably for a good reason. By that time, really, all the good ones are either married or gay.
And yes, women are more competative with each other. I really don't know why, but women just don't stand up for each other, they just aren't wired that way. Men will stick up for each other no matter what, but women don't really care that much about supporting each other or not hurting each other, generally speaking. Several women I know proudly say they would dictch their girlfriends on a girl's night out if a good man came calling. But not even the hottest woman in the world could deter a man from his boys' night out.
Also, I could be wrong, this is just my opinion, but I think it's become more socially acceptable. Most people feel now that if a man strays, it's his wife's fault just as much as his, people are saying so right here. Marital infidelity isn't the big huge taboo it once was, and there are women out there who want to test the strength of your marriage and see if they can lure your husband away. If she succeeds, a lot of people think it would be her fault and your fault, but not really his fault. I guess being labeled with a scarlet A is nothing compared to having a good man in her bed for a while. Also, the biggest, most famous most popular Hollywood power couple out there today started with her sort of seducting him away from his wife. His marriage was on the rocks, but I don't really think it would have ended when and how it did if this other woman hadn't set her sights on him. And people applaud her for it, say how amazing and strong and sexy and awesome she is, and talk trash about his ex wife all the time. This woman helped to kind of make it hip to be "strong" enough to set your sights on something, go after it and get it, even if 'it' happens to be someone else's husband. This woman has a LOT of admirers and a lot of women really look up to her and want to be just like her.
Finally, I agree, in a lot of cases, it does have to do with low self esteem, and I think just impatience. Everyone wants love, it's one of the strongest needs and drives humans have, but very few people actually get it. People do all kinds of crazy things for it, even kill. If people kill for it, why wouldn't they try to seduce a married man away? The sad truth is, there ISN'T someone for everyone, as much as we want so desperately to believe there is, there really isn't a lid for every pot, so some people get left out in the cold. No one wants to be left out in the cold. That's all.
Forbidden things/acts do have an aureole, don't they? They seem to make you powerful...
Maybe in some cases, these women are taking revenge on their own husbands who are chasing other married women. It is a vicious circle. Or they are trying to overcome the boredom in their own marriage. What do I know?
I agree with you: at least, the temptation should be resisted.
People that cheat make a choice. A women that cheats with a man that is taken is not "blinded" by love, nor does the excuse "it just happened" hold a drop of water. People can be attracted to or have sexual and emotional feelings for a number of people but acting on it is a choice.
Many women cheat with married men because they feel lonely - they fall for the man's story about being lonely or the "passion is gone' line, and they feel important when they give the man what they think he is lacking. It's a very selfish choice as this same woman would be devastated if she were married and her husband was cheating on her.
I've known women that don't even give it a second thought that a man is married. They need affection and attention and don't care where they get if from.
I've got friends that I can count on through thick and thin and I've got a couple others that I know would cave in and go for an attached man. The ones that I can count on are my true close friends as the others I simply would never trust and are kept more at a distance.
It's sad that women don't stick by other women more. I don't know if it's a combination of genetics, upbringing or society. I also think that we protect cheaters by not blowing the whistle on them for fear of alienation or retribution. If cheaters felt they weren't as safe then the cheaters would give it more thought before they went down the road of betrayal.
first off thank you cathy, for that, I work at a place that employs 8000 people and I have seen every imaginable scenario of cheating, and one thing that makes my blood boil ( goes to cathy's post ) when men cheat, they are " PIGS" when women cheat..." IT WAS LOVE" for instance actress Julia Roberts has taken and eventually married 2 married men...and not one negative word about it, because of who she is... I also think your analogy about competitive nature. one woman I work with will ignore any guy that comes through the door, ( unless ) he has a wedding ring on, then all the adolescent-like flirting and posing starts, and she is married also, but for some reason she just goes bonkers when a married guy is around...I don't even think she would cheat, she just seems to need to know she could.
I guess it is that whole "all's fair in love and war" mentality. Some women can't get their own man so they decide to try to "get" someone else's. They want something and they try to get it. Period. Of course, if they do succeed in "getting" the married man, they have to spend the entire time with him worrying that he'll do the same thing to her. Which he probably will.
I wasn't married to my ex, but we were together 4 years. He was lusting after his nephew's girlfriend for the past 2 years, and apparently she returned his feelings, because they are now together. Funny thing is, she spends a large amount of time doing what I call "damage control", calling his ex girlfriends warning them to stay away from him, confiscating his cell phone and answering it if a female calls, deleting females from his online profile (and eventually deleting his profile entirely) and deleting numbers from his phone, going through his computer...she must know that if he did it with her he'll do it to her. Serves her right, and serves him right too.
I totally see your point. No woman should do that to another woman, taking her man.
If you trust your man, as you said, then you don't have to worry. If he's a good guy, he'll remain faithful and you can ignore these pathetic wanna-be women who can only
d-r-e-a-m about being a woman of character as you seem to be.
Remember, those women- not you- are the ones who are pathetic. As another poster said, they can't have what you have.
So whenever this happens to you, and other women try to take your man, remember that he is your husband, and that they are just making fools out of themselves and publicly making themselves look stupid.
Men compete in sports and women compete in relationships.....I have friends that have been on both sides of the fence...One friend would go out w/ men that are married or involved in a relationship and felt she had every right to, but let her be the one that got cheated on and oh my goodness the world came to an end....I have asked her why she feels she had any rights to what she was doing, and some of her answers were...Married men can't tie you down and you can do what ever you want, so there is no commitment w/ them, felt it was done to her so she was doing it back, plus she said to prove to these other women that she is as good as them because she can have their men...Just like some one posted here, Low self esteem....She couldn't make her own relationships last so she would destroy others....Of course she never liked what I had to say to her about her ways.....
Now my other friend was cheated on and the women called her and told her stories of her husband going out w/ them, coming over to their house, etc, and one told her that her husband of 10 yrs had been sleeping w/ her for over a year, at first she didn't believe it, because she new women hit on her husband all the time, and of course he would say they are just jealous and that they are trying to split them up, well fortunately for her after she pulled her head out of the clouds she started asking questions and found that these women knew way too much about her husband and he was actually cheating..and it tore her apart...They ended up splitting up and in the end he ended up alone because these women and the one women in particular didn't really want him, it was a game.....Some women are terrible for wanting what they can't have and once they have it they don't want it...to them "game won".....As another poster mentioned "revenge", although they get revenge on the wrong person, not all men are bad, and just because they got involved w/ a man that cheated doesn't mean all men will cheat and hurt innocent people along the way....Same way w/ women , not all women are game players and value their relationships....
I personally never understood the concept myself either, just because there may be a few bumps in a relationship that don't give a open invite to destroy someone else relationship or go out and destroy the relationship they already have.....It sounds like you and your husband have a very strong bond and these women don't like it so they try harder to destroy it, don't let them get you down just laugh and tell them that they only wish they could have him....I've always stood by one rule in my life that always ask yourself how would I feel if the shoe was on the other foot, and to treat people as I want to be treated, unfortunately I always ended up in relationships that the men were weak and didn't respect what they have and would get caught up in the competition game of women....but, the question I have always wondered is why men cheat if they have a good women in their life?.....We kind of get the concept of why women do what they do, but why is the interest w/ men, married men at that, want to cheat on their wives or w/ a married women.....
First of all, I will speak on behalf of my own experiences of dating married men.....
1. 99% of the time it's the man that starts the flirting and giving the go ahead.
2. The thrill of the chase.
3. Don't want anything serious at that moment. A play and have fun and send them back to their wife.
4. All the sweet, loving things they say and how they make you feel. You're the queen of the world.
5. Sex is great because their NOT getting what they want at home or the wife doesn't like to have fun with sex. (otherewise thats where he would be)
It could go on and on.....But, I was single and they were married...Thats between him and his wife...The last married man I was seeing was from 2004 til the beginning of last yr. So four yrs...
So, if all these woman are coming after your man or going as to far as calling you.....You should know there's reason for it, chances are he may not be having an affair BUT I'll bet he's flirting and saying all the perfect things to say......
Since I was single and they were with me, knowing they had a wife at home....Wouldn't it be better suited to call him nasty, disgusting, etc....It's not another woman that breaks up a home or marriage....It's the self-centered, egotistical, manipulative, conniving MARRIED MEN!!!! They're usually grown and know right from wrong....So they make that choice whether it's worth their family and marriage...And 100% its worth it!!!! Thats why its done.....
Theres no answers to why women cheat with married men, if anyone finds a good answer let us all know....really theres no answer to why women or men want to cheat in the first place...other than there just mixed up in the head or confused in there realtionship and not happy.
I don't think its that a woman thinks if you can have him then I can have him I'll show you I can get what I want ect,,ect,,
its not like picking purses ,shoes, or whatever it maybe an ego thing, for some women with my experince is they see a good looking well dressed man and start to think ''wow if a woman like that can get a guy like that then I surely can I'm a lot more prettier than she is'' and so on.
It could be the mans repertation how he is with women.
or maybe a power thing with women? it should not bother you if you love and trust your hubby.
to me if I was in your shoes I'd tell them go ahead take him if you want him and if he goes to them then its obvious you don't need to be married to him.
not being a male chovinest pig or being conceded or anything like that but...
some times its a compliment for another woman to want me/flirt with me ect,,ect,, I Love it when they do in my opinion and in my g/f opinion, she use to be jelous but she realize that its her that I Love and its her I choose to be with, she tells other women ''eat your heart out dear he's mine''
So with conclusion with love and trust in a realtionship you should not worry about other women hitting on your hubby.