Hi everyone. I've just found condoms in my husbands bag. I'm in a state of shock here. I haven't approched him yet. What do i say??
The jerk cheated on me 4 years ago. After 6 months of counselling, i took him back.. The guilt of my 2 young kids, him wanting to commit suicide and family. I felt pressure
We bought a new house. I thought things were going great.
How do i handle this????... Please help me
He doesnt work out. I dont normally go through his bag. i was looking for some panadol. He usually has some. They were not meant to be seen. Hidden yes. Oh my god just found one in his jacket too. I'm dying here. Im shaking so bad i can hardly type. I really thought things were good between us.
I think you're going to have to ask him, but you have to do it calmly. Don't start yelling at him. There's a chance he will lie about it since he has lied before, but all you can do is try to have a talk with him about it.
This is why I never advocate staying with someone who cheated. It's just too hard to forget what they did. I wouldn't be able to stay with someone like that.
I'm dreading this. I never forgot the first time. I was throwing up so much. He lied then too. Its only when i found emails and phone bills. I knew exacctly who it was.
This time i have no idea. Should i snoop first or just confront him now?
Gosh i wish you were here right now. I dont know who too talk too. My family is going to freak!!
If you can surely rule out all the other possibilities, such as:
* he doesn't use condoms with you
** he hasn't bought them for one of your children
then I agree that you have something very serious to deal with here. I agree with Tivo:
you ought to have a conversation with him, but you have to calm down before doing so.
I presume he is not in at this moment, so you still have the whole morning and afternoon to cool down. Can't you find someone else to talk to? A friend? A sister? A priest? A counsellor? How old are your children? I don't think they can give you any support in this matter, but how long can you hide it from them?
Tell us more about yourself and your life, if this helps you to find some relief.
It is better to be calm and in control when you confront him. Just place them in front of him and leave it to him to talk. He will, no doubt, bluster and lie, but condoms are meant for one use only, and if he is not using them with you then...(join the dots here). When he tries to blackmail and pressure you into taking him back, just remember you have been there before, and that means that he is a cheat, not just somebody who made one mistake.
Thanx so much everyone. I'm gonna confront him. I've had a gut full.
This time i will be the strong one. I owe it to my girls, to set the example.
not letting family or friends tell me which way my head will go this time.
I'm wishing myself luck. thanks again.
I am so sorry girl...be strong, be calm, and make a plan for yourself first. Make sure you have private time to confront him, away from the kids. Decide what you want him do, (like leave)...and have what you need for yourself and the kids, until you can make the big decisions.
I surely feel the pain in your words, you are strong.
If I were you, I'd check his phone or email before confronting him or he'll delete all that evidence. If you do find emails and phone records/texts don't tell him everything you've got, you've got enough evidence to confront him already.
I'm really sorry for you. You forgave him once and he didn't change. Your kids are still young.
Ask him why he has those condoms?
They maybe he picked them up for a friend or something? maybe someone is pulling a nasty dirty prank on him?
...get his side of the storey before jummping to conclusions/ just let him know it sure don't look to good for him...if you don't trust him then yes I agree with everyone,...check his calls,text emails ect,,ect,,, watch him like a hawk...thats to bad if he's cheating on you?
maybe if he is its his way of wanting to get caught? but maybe he's not?...give him the benefit of the doubt on this one.
I hope this is just all a simple mistake for your well being...as well as your hubby
I wish you and your hubby well.
I'm all for benefit of the doubt, but why hide them in a seldom used gym bag if they're "for a friend"? And come on, adult men are not ashamed to buy condoms...I can't fathom that someone would need him to buy them for them. I buy them and no one at the store shouts "omigod, this woman is buying condoms!!!"
Maybe check the expiration date...if they're old, then maybe they're left over from his previous affair. If they're new...then something's not right.
I wouldn't bother doing any evidence gathering first. I'd ask about the condoms first, in a calm manner. See his response then go from there.
I got the impression that this was his normal bag, not a little used gym bag, and also she found some in his jacket pocket too. Doesn't sound to me like they're old or for someone else. It's not looking good at all and I'd be wary of any explanation the husband comes up with.
I hope you're doing ok glamour girl, stay strong for your children.