hi just need a little support. - Relationship Health Message Board

lindsjean · 07-19-2009, 09:19 PM

hi all.

so as some of you know things got taken care of with the money situation....however another one came up.. here it is:

my ex called my at the lab last night, however once again i decided not to answer the phone. what is different about this time than before is i actually felt good about my decision not to answer his call. i felt as though it is better that i don't talk to him and once the phone stopped ringing i went back to doing what i was doing and never felt better...

however this morning he called my cell and left a msg. i erased the msg and went on about my day. around 3p he sent me a text asking for his bike. now let me explain that i have had his bike for 5 years and he knows that i have a triathlon coming up and intend on using it for that. in his text he told me that he just wanted it for a couple of days and he would give it back. well i don't want to keep anything that isn't mine, so i decided to call to make arrangements to give it to him. when i called his was sooooo rude to me. he treated me as if i belong under a shoe. but i was nice and made arrangements. then i asked him if i could ask him a question? he said "no, i don't have time" and then hung the phone up. in case you are wondering my question was about my bank checks. my back account has his addr on it and my checks get delivered to his addr...i wanted him to bring them to work and leave them there. (if you don't remember, he and i work together).

after that i talked to my dad and he told me that i shouldn't even worry about the bike....i shouldn't answer when he calls back....that he is just being an ***hole....

i know this is the case...i just can't understand how two people can go from loving the mess out of one another to hating each other and being so bloody mean!

i am certainly not the best person in the world, but crap at least i am trying to be civil.

anyways i deleted his texts and when he text me about the arrangement i immediately deleted it. i am happy with my decision, but the way this is going i am not sure if i ever want to love again. what if i fall for someone else and they treat me like ****? or what if i don't love someone and i grow old alone and wasting time with fellas who use me for sex??? i am in a confusing spot.

Redneon82 · 07-19-2009, 09:29 PM

1) Go to your bank and change the address on your checks.
2) Go by his house with his bike while he's at work and drop it off. Don't worry if this is convenient for him or if it's the way he wants it done. Just drop it off and be done with it.
3) Continue to ignore his calls until you can change your number. Explain to your cell carrier that you are being bothered by someone and want to change your number.
4) If he calls at work, explain that you are a professional person and will not discuss personal matters at work.
5) Do not look for or find excuses to not do any of the above. If you do, you are just asking for more bad treatment.

And yes, the more time you waste on him, the more chance there is that you won't find anyone decent. You will get used to being treated like dirt and will start to equate cruddy treatment with love. Do not have sex with anyone until they love you and treat you with respect, and you love them.

calmbloke · 07-20-2009, 06:13 AM

I agree, though I wouldn't just leave the bike at his house in case it gets stolen before he gets it. You'll only get more abuse for causing it to be stolen and then he'll probably want you to pay for it and you'll be in for another round of strife.

Oh and get in contact with your bank ASAP.

Larrylou'smom · 07-20-2009, 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Redneon82

1) Go to your bank and change the address on your checks.
2) Go by his house with his bike while he's at work and drop it off. Don't worry if this is convenient for him or if it's the way he wants it done. Just drop it off and be done with it.
3) Continue to ignore his calls until you can change your number. Explain to your cell carrier that you are being bothered by someone and want to change your number.
4) If he calls at work, explain that you are a professional person and will not discuss personal matters at work.
5) Do not look for or find excuses to not do any of the above. If you do, you are just asking for more bad treatment.

And yes, the more time you waste on him, the more chance there is that you won't find anyone decent. You will get used to being treated like dirt and will start to equate cruddy treatment with love. Do not have sex with anyone until they love you and treat you with respect, and you love them.

This is excellent advice. This guy is poison. You don't keep drinking poison just because it's in a pretty bottle and it tastes sweet and then hope that someday it will stop making you sick. That's exactly what you keep doing. You keep contacting this guy and responding to his contact hoping that one day he won't be the total jerk he is. And when he is, you just get hurt all over again.

Go to your bank and cancel the checks he has, then order new ones with your new address on them and make sure they will be sent to your new address. drop off the bike, or have someone drop it off and then once that's done, as far as you're concerned, he drops off the face of the earth.

lindsjean · 07-20-2009, 03:03 PM

hi all,

thank you for responding. well i just want to tell you what is on my mind. first of all i am happy the relationship is over. i don't want anyone to be apart of my life that treats me as if i am gum under their shoe. the only thing that gets to me is how two people can go from loving each other to wanting to kill each other. i don't understand. even if one is hurts, is that reason to be mean? i remember when another ex and i broke up it wasn't as bad as this, plus he and i even have a child together. this ex has been there for me through a lot...he has been my family. i don't know, i just don't understand.

anyways i am sad that someone on earth thinks that i am a horrible person but don't regret the relationship b/c i have grown so much.

so everything is taken care of between he and i. my bank addr has been changed and he cut off the cell phone that was in his name. we have no more business together. the only bad thing is we still have to work together.

i don't know how that is going to play out....but i suspect God knows what He is doing.

oh and just for the record i am keeping the bike as a parting gift.