My wife is having an emotional affair - Relationship Health Message Board

brokenbadly · 07-21-2009, 08:52 AM

Hi All I'm new here I'm hoping someone can give me some advice.Last week my wife told me that she is thinking of divorce.I work in retail and my hours are long and money is normally tight as my wife doesn't work.She wanted to be a stay home mom.She wants to join an alternative religious group and I have encouraged her as she has many new friend there.One has become more than a friend and after she told me last week I discovered this when doing some checks on her email and her IM's there was some quite graphic stuff.She lied about it at first and then only when I showed her what I knew she admitted it but swears it's not physical even though I have seen some messages where they are planning to get together when his wife goes out of town.In order for her to join this group she says she needs contact with him and has continued to contact him and he her.I support her decision to join the group.Am I wrong to want them to have no contact?

brokenbadly · 07-21-2009, 09:03 AM

I failed to mention that we have two kids and that I love her with every fiber of my being

calmbloke · 07-24-2009, 10:59 AM

Since when do you need contact with one particular person to join a religious group? That sounds like an excuse to me, particularly as you say she's got other friends there. Surely they could help her join.

Regardless, this other guy is at the group so while, YES, you're right to want her to have no contact with him (she can't have her cake and eat it!) but I don't think it'll have much effect if she joins the group. Wanting to be a stay-at-home mom which requires you to work such long hours sounds like her wanting her cake and eating it too to be honest. No wonder you have long hours.

To be blunt, this sounds like a classic case of bored housewife filling in the gaps in her life with someone else. If this other guy is married too then she's got an uncomfortable journey ahead of her to make anything serious out of it and if it's all email and IM then she may find the reality is different in any case.

However, her emotions have already wandered so I wonder to what extent you would be able to recover anything with this woman given that she's talking of divorce. I wouldn't stand for my wife having an emotional affair with someone else. She's lied to cover it up too. It depends to what extent you feel you could trust her again, but see what others think.

Choice · 07-24-2009, 02:37 PM

Wow, what religion is this? I'd call this man's wife and let her know what's going on! And the leader of this group! I wouldn't want my congregation recruiting new members this way.

writeleft · 07-24-2009, 04:21 PM

I agree. The whole religion story sounds like a weak attempt at covering up her affair. I would not accept this excuse, nor would I put up with her actions.