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Old 07-21-2009, 04:52 PM   #1
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Thumbs up Build more relationship trust!

aT this piont, you should have some fairly solid ideas about hpw you can become transoarent and rebuild the trust in your relation. in order to reinforce this ptocess,here are 10 destructive habits thar you should stay away from it you truly want to rebuild the trust in your relationship and make it thriveagain. in order to initiate and maintain a warm relationship, avoid the following!!!! (1) neglecting your partner. you will remember that attention is one of the building blocks of trust. neglect is it's antithesis. if you consistently neglect your partner, you can be assure that any trust you've develope will falter. be attentive, not neglectful. here are some ways you might be neglecting your partner2) angry outburst. anger is a feeling. at some time, each of us gets angry. it's what you do with your anger that can harm your relationship. the caution here is that even when you are angry, be respectful and reassure your partner that you are just angry, not dimissing or un-loving them.(3) unfair accusations. you willget nowhere by accusing your partner of not caring about you, having never loved you, going out with their paramour when they are five minutes late from work, trying to hurt you. accusation is nota good way to build your relationdhip. it makes your partner defensive, and combination of accusation and defensiveness generaly just leads to useless arguments.(4) constant fighting. if you are constantly bickering with your partner at this point in the program, you need to review the 2-stage method for conversation that i presented in section 6. in it you will find ways to be an active listener. if you cannot effectively do this exercise, then you might want to seek professional cuoseling. fighting all the time is akin to being angry all the time. it simply does'nt work to create a healthy and loving atmosphere in which a relationship can flourish in.(5) taking revenge.revenge in any form is a mistake. you certainly don't want to take revenge and have an affair yourself. nor do you want to get involved in any other kind of revenge. we have already discussed that issue. even small ways of being vengefu, like snapping at your partner whan they say something yopu don'y like, biting sarcasm, or saying passive, hurtful things to or about them, should be avoided. if you feelthe desire to be vengeful, go back to section 1 and look at your feelings more closely.(6) disrespectful or demeaning comments. these don't serve any kind of healthy relationship, and you should particulary avoid them if you are recovering from an affair. there is always a cleaner, more direct way to communicate your needs than being demeaning.(7) Nagging. you certainly will have to make requests of each other from time to time, and you mighthave to do so multiples times in a day. asking once or twice about something is okay. once you go beyond that, you will probly be accused of nagging, if a responsible adult needs more than a few reminders, then some other issue is at work. this is when you need a conversation about the request. think of times when your partner has naggedyou; what issue was going on for you that kept it going? now think of a time when you nagged your partner. make a guess about what issue was going on for them that kept it going.(8) intentionally engagging in irritating habits. if you intentionally annoy your partner by engagging in habits that you know irritae them, then you are noy doing all you can to rebuild the trust in your relationship. cease the behavior, and look at what lies beneath your desire to IRRITATE.(9) selfish demands. a relationdhip isn't about you. it isn't about your partner either. it's about both of you together as a unit. you need to have your needs met in order for thr relationship to function in a healthy way. however, selfish demands do not fall in line with this. these kinds of demands inhibit trust by tell your partner your needs are more important than their needs. End the selfishness. open up to the world of sharing your ;ife with your partner.( if you feel that you or your partner might be having problems with this, then it's time for cousling.(10) dishonesty. I left this for the end of the list because if there is one of the 10 destuctive habits that i want you to remember to avoid, it's this one. the only thing dishonesty can achieve is a breakdown in trust. it serves nothing else. don't get confused into thinking that dishonesty will make your life easier later or that you are somehow protecting your autonomy by lying. it won't,and you aren't. dishonesty only serves to further hamper your progress towards a more beatiful relationship. ( I hope this will help someone that truly needs to rebuild their relationships.)

 
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