Wedding Etiquette Question - Relationship Health Message Board

plasva · 07-23-2009, 12:06 AM

If you send out invitations to your coworkers, and for those who are married or in a long-term relationship you write on them "So-and-So and Guest" (or their spouse or partner's name, if you know it), and for the guests who are not in a long-term relationship (either dating numerous people or in a new relationship) you just write "So-and-So," is that appropriate?

I'm paying for the food by the person, so I thought this was appropriate.

However, now I'm getting back reply cards from people for whom I did not write "and guest" that say they're coming and they wrote in 2 people!

A couple who are my parents' friends wrote 4 people! (They must be bringing 2 of their in-their-20's children).

Another person I work with said she lost her invitation and needs another one and informed me she'll be bringing her friend so she "doesn't have to go alone." (I have not brought her another one yet).

I'm getting really upset about this, as I would never dream of inviting a guest to someone's wedding. I might... MIGHT... ASK if I could bring one, but I would never just inform them I was on a reply card.

What do you all think about this? I haven't decided what I'm going to do (politely inform the coworkers I'm only able to include spouses and long-term romantic partners? or just let it go and pay for the extra people?) as these replies have all come fairly recently.

I thought including as many coworkers as I could was the nice thing to do, but now I'm wishing I'd left some out. And there were some I really wanted to include but didn't because of the cost. And I really didn't want to have to exclude anyone

What would you do about these uninvited extra guests? And why do you think people are doing this? I think they're totally completely out-of-line, but am I overreacting? It would be a different story if they would have come to me and ASKED, though...

StenoLady1 · 07-24-2009, 05:55 AM

I think the proper thing to do at this point is just let it go and pay for the extra guest on the single/not-in-a-committed-relationship people. Hard on the pocketbook, I know, but I know I wouldn't ever want to go to a wedding alone. My mom is single and in her late '50s, and I know she wouldn't ever attend a wedding alone. She'd bring me, my brother or a friend ... or not attend at all.

I think writing in four additional people on a RSVP is outrageously tacky. I think I'd have to say something on that one. Just call and say you can really only afford the invitee and a guest, "Sorry, but I'm sure you understand how expensive these things can get."

FWIW, for our wedding, we sent out all invitations to the invitee "and guest," whether they were single or not. We also limited our guest list when it came to coworkers. It would have cost us a fortune to invite coworkers from both sides of the aisle. We would have liked to have invited a few, but there would have been hard feelings with the rest of our office(s), so we just stuck to family and friends.

Warmest wishes to both you and the groom for a wonderful wedding day with as little stress as possible!

Titchou · 07-24-2009, 07:03 AM

I would say something to them all. I'm sorry, but this is just rude behaviour on their part! YOU are having the event and YOU control the number of participants..wedding, dinner, dart tournament or whatever. Doesn't matter. For those who have written in more than you alotted to them, I would just call and tell them that you only have room for so many and that's why the invitation said or not said "and guest (singular)." Leave it up to them if that attend alone or elect to not come at all. I'm 63,female and have been single for 11 years. I have no problem attending a wedding alone. In fact, am going to one on August 8th. The invite did not give me the option to bring an escort, so I shall not do so. I'll know other people there so what's the problem going by myself?

Sorry you invited such boorish people!

Choice · 07-24-2009, 09:41 AM

This won't help you now, but may help someone in the future:

Technically, you're never supposed to write "and Guest"; instead, you should find out the name of the significant other. My bf and I have lived together 11+ years. We've never received an invitation with "and Guest" on it. We've had a lot of laughs over family members or friends calling and asking, "what's her/his last name?"

rosequartz · 07-24-2009, 10:07 AM

I think when you determine who is in a "serious" relationship and who isn't, you're being a little presumptious. It's not up to you to decide if the relationship is serious or not. You have to expect that someone will bring a guest, it should be understood.......one guest.....not 3 or 4.
you have to just suck it up and deal.....pay for it.....
if you want to avoid all this stuff, you can always elope to Vegas.