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Old 08-12-2009, 11:19 AM   #1
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how do you know when you have found "the one"?

hi all,

i just have a general question....i would like to hear your stories....

i want to know have you ever thought or have found "the one"? what i mean by "the one" is someone who you were/are growing old with. could you also give a little background to the story?

in other words when you two met, where you smitten over this person or did you hate him/her? did you KNOW you were going to be with him/her and then as circumstance turned out you ended up with someone else??? or did you hate them and then fell in love with him/her out of the blue?? or did you KNOW from the beginning that he/she was "the one"?

thanks all for the answers!

 
Old 08-12-2009, 12:09 PM   #2
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Re: how do you know when you have found "the one"?

haha I've found "the one" MANY times.......

how will you know if it's the one unless your life is over and you're still with that person.....you'll never know.....

 
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Old 08-12-2009, 12:16 PM   #3
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Re: how do you know when you have found "the one"?

Oh, well, my story is unpublishable! Lol

Ok, I am joking, but only in part.

I doubt you can ever say with total certainty that you found the "one" or that you are the "one" for someone else for that matter. You are just lucky enough when you find someone more or less compatible.

 
Old 08-12-2009, 12:56 PM   #4
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Re: how do you know when you have found "the one"?

thanks for your responses so far!

just wanted to add that when i say "the one" it is meant for lack of better words....i have learned that there isn't just "one" person that is someone can grow old with...

looking forward to hearing more.

 
Old 08-12-2009, 01:00 PM   #5
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Re: how do you know when you have found "the one"?

exactly, but by definition....."the one", is the one you spend the REST of your life with.......
it ain't over till it's over......that's why I say you can never know if someone is the ONE until your life is over

 
Old 08-12-2009, 01:03 PM   #6
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Re: how do you know when you have found "the one"?

I've been with my boyfriend over 2 years and I think he's "the one". My family thinks so also and we've all said it from the beginning. From the first time I met him and we talked for hours with time flying by, I knew it. I remember my mom and her boyfriend saying something about him being "the one" for me after he and I had been dating for a few weeks. I had never felt that before right away. We just connect so well and fit so well together. I know relationships are all about compromises, and he's not perfect, but he really offers so much to our relationship and he has everything I want in a guy.

Now, we're not married yet and don't have our "happily ever after" yet, but I think and hope we will soon.

 
Old 08-12-2009, 01:03 PM   #7
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Re: how do you know when you have found "the one"?

I have thought I had found the one, with the old ones. My current one is the one now, and I only know that because the other ones turned out NOT to be the one.


 
Old 08-12-2009, 04:02 PM   #8
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Re: how do you know when you have found "the one"?

Well, I dated several people but didn't love anyone like I do my husband. After 10 years of being together, I still can't imagine myself with anyone else. Yes, we fight and bicker and sometimes he gets me soooo mad - but I would never want to play the field and find another man to be with. We have so much in common and the same twisted sense of humor that I can't see me sharing that with anyone else. We always had fun while dating and shared many of the same interests but also allowed each other to do their own thing when we needed space. All in all, once I met him, I truly was not interested in meeting anyone new.

 
Old 08-12-2009, 04:14 PM   #9
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Re: how do you know when you have found "the one"?

Personally I kind of think it's dangerous to think in terms having "the one." Not everyone has "the one." I think the Paul and Linda McCartney, Johnny and June Carter Cash, Tim McGraw Faith Hill kind of "the one" love is a gift that is simply given to some people, and not to others, like being a great artist or dancer or singer, or having a great mind for mathematics, science, or anything like that. I don't think you can become the next Whitney Houston, Giselle, Einstein or Baryshnikov just because you want to. You've got to be blessed from above with the gift. I think having a soul mate is the same thing.

But lots of people marry and make it work not because they're soul mates and just know in their guts that no one else will do, but because they make the choice that it's time to settle down, they want kids, they want to start a home and a family, and they get tired of searching, so they marry, and they make the choice to stick it out, work at it and make it work.

But I think you've found the person you might want to try a serious long-term relationship with when you can be yourself around that person and it's ok, they truly respect and honor your. They are a good friend, a good partner, and you feel elevated and lifted up because of them, and you do the same for them. You argue, but in healthy, fair, respectful, constructive ways that don't leave either of you feeling put dodwn or wronged. That's a start, anyway.

 
Old 08-12-2009, 04:51 PM   #10
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Re: how do you know when you have found "the one"?

I don't think anyone ever knows for sure. Even people who profess to be happy and content with their current partner, it doesn't mean things can't change somewhere down the road.

I don't think there is such thing as the one. Rather two people find each other and the relationship just seems to work and progress in a positive manner overall, so they stay together.

Soulmates are a fairy tale. That kind of thing just doesn't exist in the real world. And if you waste your life looking for that you'll be disappointed. Just try to find someone who mutually respects you, who treats you very well and who feels the same way you do about them. That's all you can really do.

 
Old 08-12-2009, 05:36 PM   #11
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Re: how do you know when you have found "the one"?

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Originally Posted by Kszan View Post
I don't think anyone ever knows for sure. Even people who profess to be happy and content with their current partner, it doesn't mean things can't change somewhere down the road.

I don't think there is such thing as the one. Rather two people find each other and the relationship just seems to work and progress in a positive manner overall, so they stay together.

Soulmates are a fairy tale. That kind of thing just doesn't exist in the real world. And if you waste your life looking for that you'll be disappointed. Just try to find someone who mutually respects you, who treats you very well and who feels the same way you do about them. That's all you can really do.
I agree, I don't really think there is such thing as "the one". I think there are many "ones" that you can love and be happy with. I used to believe in soul mates, but I don't anymore. I think there is typically more than one person out there for all of us that we can love.

 
Old 08-13-2009, 10:18 AM   #12
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Re: how do you know when you have found "the one"?

I often say that I think that my husband is my soulmate. I'm referring to how well we seem to go together. We are "duals" as far as personality goes. Where I am weak, he is strong and vice versa.

When we met it was the right timing in both of our lives. If we had met at any earlier time in our lives we probably wouldn't be together. We were both looking for exactly what we found in each other.

When it came time and he asked me to marry him, I had to take a leap of faith. As much as I loved him and wanted to be with him, you never know if things will work out and I was rather pesimistic about ever being happily married before I met him. Even after we got married for the first few years, I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop so to speak. Things could still go wrong at any moment but I don't think about them as much as I used to.

As time goes by, I love and trust him more and more with the full knowledge that I can't take it for granted because so many things could happen.

 
Old 08-13-2009, 04:27 PM   #13
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Re: how do you know when you have found "the one"?

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I agree, I don't really think there is such thing as "the one". I think there are many "ones" that you can love and be happy with. I used to believe in soul mates, but I don't anymore. I think there is typically more than one person out there for all of us that we can love.
That's exactly why the whole idea of marriage is really pretty stupid and it's an old, antiquated institution that has far outlived its usefulness. If there is no such thing as that one person that was made just for you, and there are many many people out there you can be really happy with, then why limit yourself to just one? I certainly would not want to be married to some guy who only married me because I was the one who happened to be there when he was tired of looking. Because he could just as easily get untired one day. And they almost always do.

 
Old 08-14-2009, 07:01 AM   #14
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Re: how do you know when you have found "the one"?

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That's exactly why the whole idea of marriage is really pretty stupid and it's an old, antiquated institution that has far outlived its usefulness. If there is no such thing as that one person that was made just for you, and there are many many people out there you can be really happy with, then why limit yourself to just one? I certainly would not want to be married to some guy who only married me because I was the one who happened to be there when he was tired of looking. Because he could just as easily get untired one day. And they almost always do.
I have to disagree. I think that marriage is alive and well all over the place. There may not be only one person that you could be happy with and sure most marriages don't last forever.

Marriage offers security and companionship and those are wonderful things that do make people happy. Why do you think that gay people are fighting so hard for the right to marriage?

 
Old 08-14-2009, 07:54 AM   #15
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Re: how do you know when you have found "the one"?

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Marriage offers security and companionship and those are wonderful things that do make people happy. Why do you think that gay people are fighting so hard for the right to marriage?
Yes, that's true, but security and companionship often have nothing at all to do with being "in love" with that person. And I think the notion of finding "the one" falls in line with finding someone you are "in love" with, and that's a dangerous notion, because there really is no such thing. I have a friend who is always saying that marriage is nothing more than a business arrangement. I do think she and her husband love each other in a way, and they have things in common and they have common goals, but they are hardly soul mates. And a business arrangement may work for some people, but I think we need to be honest in that, that's really what marriage really is. Security, someone there by your side, someone you are comfortable with, someone you have things in common with and that you can respect and get along with, but not necessarily someone you are in love with. That works for some people, but it just wouldn't work for me. If I want a business arrangement, I'll sign a contract, not get married. I mean, you always run the risk of being married to someone you're comfortable with when you finally meet the person you are in love with, and that would be a drag. WE've heard in the news lately about several people who blew up their marriages because they wanted to be in love with someone, and they weren't in love with their wives. I know around a dozen or so women who are mothers, and not one of them is married to the father of their children.

Marriage can be a fine thing, but it's not as necessary and shouldn't be as common as we tend to think it is. And I think the idea that we HAVE to settle down, find 'the one' and marry and live happily ever after, that that's the only road to real security, love, companionship and happiness, is why there are so many lonely, miserable people in the world.

Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 08-14-2009 at 07:57 AM.

 
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