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Old 08-17-2009, 01:43 PM   #1
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hpv and my relationship help please

hey everyone so this is what is going on

i current found out i have hpv and i told my bf as soon as i found out and i also new it was almost 100% positive that i gave it to him ... when i first told him that i had it i was in tears and he just held me and told me that he was going to be there for me and was really sweet and told me it wouldnt change anything between us and he loved me no matter what ..... then we got into a fight and he told me how i ruined his life and he cant be with another girl because he wont give what i gave him to someone else and hes very mean about it now and hes been abusive mentally along with physically and called me every name in the book and is very controlling he gets mad when im talking to friends on msn and i broke up with him for 2 weeks and everytime i told him i dont want to talk to him ever again he tells me hes going to message everyone and tell them i told him to go ahead and he told a few of my friends he even threatened me he was going to call my grand parents and tell them and my grand parents


i no hpv isnt that big of a deal and alot of people have it or some kind of strand but i rather keep it to my self if i was to be in another serious relationship of course i would tell the person but im just entering my last year of high school i need to focus on school work and im starting to get really depressed over everything and i have gained a bit of weight i sleep all the time and when i say sleep i mean ill go to sleep at 2 am and wake up at 9am and then go back to sleep untill 12 am its not healthy i just dont no what to do any help would be much appreciated

 
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Old 08-17-2009, 01:48 PM   #2
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Re: hpv and my relationship help please

use condoms and tell him to use condoms and neither one of you need to worry about spreading it to someone else

 
Old 08-17-2009, 01:50 PM   #3
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Re: hpv and my relationship help please

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
use condoms and tell him to use condoms and neither one of you need to worry about spreading it to someone else
its genital warts so condoms wont make a difference

 
Old 08-17-2009, 02:25 PM   #4
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Re: hpv and my relationship help please

Quote:
Originally Posted by help12345 View Post
its genital warts so condoms wont make a difference
Really? I know it's still possible to spread things (anything really) using a condom but don't they at least keep it from being more possible to
spread? Did your doctor tell you they don't help?

This may take a big leap of kindness on your part but I would tell him that all he will have to do is plan his life a little better. Yes, one night stands will be wrong for him but they really are anyway. But if he's up front with the next woman, she can get a vaccination prior to their becoming sexually active and protect herself. They'll have to postpone sexual activity but that's a good thing. They can actually get to know one another before jumping into sex.

By leap of kindness, it's helping him to trouble shoot and think this through. I'd present this in a nice way, not being rude. I know he's hurt you but it sounds like you are both still kids and this is a lot to have put on either of your plates. After he had time to think, he got mad.

And one more thing. I'm sure you know that this does place you in a high risk category for cervical cancer so make sure you stay on top of check ups. I mention this only because of your comment about it not being a big deal.

 
Old 08-17-2009, 03:22 PM   #5
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Re: hpv and my relationship help please

Help12345, I saw you post this in another forum. This guy is bad, bad news. He is blackmailing you to stay in an abusive relationship. You need to get this man out of your life NOW. He is making you ill and it will only get worse the more power you give him. Now he's threatening to tell everyone you know that you are a tramp with an STD if you leave him; give him time and later he'll be threatening to kill you.

I'm sorry to hear that you have HPV. According to statistics, half of all men and women will get it at some point in their life. Yes, it does put you at risk for certain things, and it will be a pain to manage. It will not ruin your life.

In high school, women your age are pressured to have sex but punished if caught having it. Your peers will foolishly believe that having an STD must mean you slept around. At the same time, guys won't want to date you if you don't sleep around. It's unfair, isn't it? And really stupid, because the reality is that you can get an STD from having sex even once, and I'll bet many of your friends have had sex at least once. Their chances of getting HPV are the same as yours, but if word gets out that you have an STD, you'll be judged as being a worse person than them. (Even if many of them have the same thing, they might keep their mouths shut and choose to condemn you, out of fear of being judged in the same way!)

But this is the situation you're in, fair or unfair. You have a choice: stay in an abusive relationship that will harm your mental and physical health and possibly your grades and friendships, or admit that you have HPV. Those are the options. My recommendation is that you accept what people might think of you and get away from this guy. Take the power he's trying to hold over you away from him by telling your close friends yourself. Read up on HPV, educate them: tell them how easy it is to get and how they might be at risk. Not all of them will understand. Yet.

This is a part of growing up. The truth is that sex won't make you a better or a worse person, and that your body was made for you to enjoy, and with whom you choose. You're in control of it. Anyone can get an STD, and that's why it's important to know the risks and have sex as safely as possible, but the risks will always be there. Every single person you know is going to learn the same lesson soon. They will have to deal with what you are dealing with now, at some point in their lives.

That may be little comfort if your last year of high school sucks, but frankly, it's hard for high school not to suck. It'll be over soon and you'll look back and realize how unimportant high school was to the rest of your life, and how immature you and everybode else were.

It's not going to be the end of the world if your grandparents find out you're having sex. They've had sex: they've dealt with semen and STDs and farting during sex, and vaginas tearing open during birth. This won't be anything new to them. Maybe you're doing it earlier than they want, or not in the way they want, but ultimately you get to decide what to do with your body and they can't do a thing about that. On the other hand, it might be the end of the world if you continue to stay with this guy. What if you end up getting accidentally pregnant, or he cheats on you and gives you something worse? At the least, you'll be carrying the psychological scars this man gives you and bringing them to every future relationship you'll have...which is worse than remembering that your last year of high school was rough.

Last edited by Lysander; 08-17-2009 at 03:36 PM.

 
Old 08-17-2009, 03:50 PM   #6
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Re: hpv and my relationship help please

Lysander, wonderful post. Take this to heart, Help!!! High School is a very, very small time in your life. You have so much to look forward to and if this creep makes your last semester of HS bad, then you will learn who your friends are. Soon you'll be out in the real world, working and making new, more mature and accepting friends. Dump the creep, tell your close friends and your family, and move on. Your true friends will look at him as being the loser for his actions.

 
Old 08-17-2009, 04:12 PM   #7
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Re: hpv and my relationship help please

Quote:
Originally Posted by resolution09 View Post
Really? I know it's still possible to spread things (anything really) using a condom but don't they at least keep it from being more possible to
spread? Did your doctor tell you they don't help?

This may take a big leap of kindness on your part but I would tell him that all he will have to do is plan his life a little better. Yes, one night stands will be wrong for him but they really are anyway. But if he's up front with the next woman, she can get a vaccination prior to their becoming sexually active and protect herself. They'll have to postpone sexual activity but that's a good thing. They can actually get to know one another before jumping into sex.

By leap of kindness, it's helping him to trouble shoot and think this through. I'd present this in a nice way, not being rude. I know he's hurt you but it sounds like you are both still kids and this is a lot to have put on either of your plates. After he had time to think, he got mad.

And one more thing. I'm sure you know that this does place you in a high risk category for cervical cancer so make sure you stay on top of check ups. I mention this only because of your comment about it not being a big deal.


condoms dont make a difference because i have genital warts they can be on my inner thigh around my vagina or close to my anus and because they can be in places that condoms dont cover and the type of hpv i have is contracted by skin on skin contact condoms dont really help and because its genital warts its not one of the types of hpv that are likly to cause cervical cancer its very low risk and no were really not kids hes 25 and im almost 19 im on my last semester of high school not my last year i need to upgrade some credits thats all

thanks for the post

 
Old 08-17-2009, 04:22 PM   #8
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Re: hpv and my relationship help please

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lysander View Post
Help12345, I saw you post this in another forum. This guy is bad, bad news. He is blackmailing you to stay in an abusive relationship. You need to get this man out of your life NOW. He is making you ill and it will only get worse the more power you give him. Now he's threatening to tell everyone you know that you are a tramp with an STD if you leave him; give him time and later he'll be threatening to kill you.

I'm sorry to hear that you have HPV. According to statistics, half of all men and women will get it at some point in their life. Yes, it does put you at risk for certain things, and it will be a pain to manage. It will not ruin your life.

In high school, women your age are pressured to have sex but punished if caught having it. Your peers will foolishly believe that having an STD must mean you slept around. At the same time, guys won't want to date you if you don't sleep around. It's unfair, isn't it? And really stupid, because the reality is that you can get an STD from having sex even once, and I'll bet many of your friends have had sex at least once. Their chances of getting HPV are the same as yours, but if word gets out that you have an STD, you'll be judged as being a worse person than them. (Even if many of them have the same thing, they might keep their mouths shut and choose to condemn you, out of fear of being judged in the same way!)

But this is the situation you're in, fair or unfair. You have a choice: stay in an abusive relationship that will harm your mental and physical health and possibly your grades and friendships, or admit that you have HPV. Those are the options. My recommendation is that you accept what people might think of you and get away from this guy. Take the power he's trying to hold over you away from him by telling your close friends yourself. Read up on HPV, educate them: tell them how easy it is to get and how they might be at risk. Not all of them will understand. Yet.

This is a part of growing up. The truth is that sex won't make you a better or a worse person, and that your body was made for you to enjoy, and with whom you choose. You're in control of it. Anyone can get an STD, and that's why it's important to know the risks and have sex as safely as possible, but the risks will always be there. Every single person you know is going to learn the same lesson soon. They will have to deal with what you are dealing with now, at some point in their lives.

That may be little comfort if your last year of high school sucks, but frankly, it's hard for high school not to suck. It'll be over soon and you'll look back and realize how unimportant high school was to the rest of your life, and how immature you and everybode else were.

It's not going to be the end of the world if your grandparents find out you're having sex. They've had sex: they've dealt with semen and STDs and farting during sex, and vaginas tearing open during birth. This won't be anything new to them. Maybe you're doing it earlier than they want, or not in the way they want, but ultimately you get to decide what to do with your body and they can't do a thing about that. On the other hand, it might be the end of the world if you continue to stay with this guy. What if you end up getting accidentally pregnant, or he cheats on you and gives you something worse? At the least, you'll be carrying the psychological scars this man gives you and bringing them to every future relationship you'll have...which is worse than remembering that your last year of high school was rough.



thanks for the post and yes i no what you are saying is true but its very hard to focas when your walking down a hall and being called a **** regardless of anything and after him i dont want to be in a relationship and i wasnt influenced to have sex at all i have had sex all of twice the first relationship was 2 years and the this one well 4 months and the one i was in for 2 years cheated on me so ... i have done alot of research on genital warts and hpv in general so i am quite educated about it and i tried to delete the other bored i wanted to put it in another place but thank you for the post

 
Old 08-17-2009, 05:39 PM   #9
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Re: hpv and my relationship help please

That's good to know. I thought it would at least cut the risk but I guess not by much if at all.

 
Old 08-17-2009, 05:44 PM   #10
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Re: hpv and my relationship help please

Well, I know you feel like you don't want another relationship after this, but some day you will, and genital warts won't stop you from falling in love and getting married or even just having sex. And neither will it stop your boyfriend, no matter what he's whining about right now. There are people with a lot worse still doing all of those things and living a normal life.

This guy is 25, he doesn't even have youth to explain why he's physically abusing you and yelling at you and refusing to let you break up with him. Are there any older people in your life you can turn to for help? Your mother maybe? That's a bad place to be in.

Believe me, I don't mean to trivialize what he's threatening you with. I was hated by pretty much everyone in high school and spit on and shoved when I walked down the halls. It took years to repair my self-esteem, but that's exactly the lesson I'm trying to impart to you now. If not now, at some time during your life you're going to be called a *****, or any of the thousands of names they have for women that are too independent. No matter what you do, or how well you play by the rules, someone is waiting to judge you and tear you down. Part of life is learning how to believe in yourself despite that.

I know that sounds preachy and heavy-handed, but I believe in it. I'm glad knowing you've only got one more semester of this at the most, anyway. You deserve so, so much better than this loser.

 
Old 08-17-2009, 06:12 PM   #11
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Re: hpv and my relationship help please

I know someone who has both HPV and herpes and they are married with children. Your future is NOT ruined, it's just has a little adjusting to do. I have chronic incurable health conditions not related to sexuality, but I still have to adjust. You will get through this fine as long as you ditch the abusive control freak.
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Old 08-17-2009, 07:39 PM   #12
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Re: hpv and my relationship help please

I think others have put this into good perspective for you. I know from where you're sitting, your immediate concern, at least at school, is how others will perceive you. That's a normal concern, I remember how hard it was to feel accepted and like I "fit in" in high school.

But the point I want to draw out of what others have said already is this: This guy is 25, right? Can you see how his behavior is the problem? A guy his age going around telling high school kids personal things about his girlfriend? A guy his age not letting his girlfriend whom he is insulting and treating like crap not allowing her to break up with him? A guy that age who promised he wouldn't judge you for contracting what majority of sexually active people have by the time they're in their 20s and then turns around and does the exact opposite? Do you see what I'm getting at? The guy is such a major huge loser, and that's why anything that he says or does is so far beneath you that you don't even need to answer it. You just need to realize that he is right now and probably always will be a big loser while you move on with your life and he's still dating high school girls and gossiping like a little girl.

I just want you to see this guy for who he really is and not be afraid of him or any of his threats. I want for you to realize early that people who are your true friends aren't going to stop being your friends just because some loser guy said something to them. Your true friends stand by you no matter what. If you end up with not any friends after high school, that's also not a big deal because in college you meet more open minded and fun people anyway.

High school is honestly a cesspool of insecure drama queens and cocky conceited people who end up getting a pretty major wake up call when they get out in the real world and realize that no one cares that they were the prom queen or student body president. All they care about is whether they can do their job and not screw it up and pay their bills on time and stuff like that.

 
Old 08-18-2009, 03:34 AM   #13
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Re: hpv and my relationship help please

The truth may be we are tempted to be very judgemental on this guy. Of course what he is doing by spreading the news is very inconsiderate. Anyway, I'd like to hear him on these boards, if that were possible. He was supportive of you when you first told him you had HPV, but why did he change his mind afterwards? What kind of fight did you have that made him change his mind? I am not trying to justify him, but I want to understand his reasons, even if they are distorted reasons.

 
Old 08-18-2009, 05:23 AM   #14
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Re: hpv and my relationship help please

Quote:
Originally Posted by pendulum View Post
The truth may be we are tempted to be very judgemental on this guy. Of course what he is doing by spreading the news is very inconsiderate. Anyway, I'd like to hear him on these boards, if that were possible. He was supportive of you when you first told him you had HPV, but why did he change his mind afterwards? What kind of fight did you have that made him change his mind? I am not trying to justify him, but I want to understand his reasons, even if they are distorted reasons.

he was never truely suportive he figured hes never going to be able to be with anyone else and because i gave it to him i am liable to stay with him for ever the fight wasnt over anything serious he got drunk and hes very angry when he is drinking and he always has these ways to make me feel less of a person so got up and started to get my shoes on to go home because i wasnt going to sit there and listen to him calling me every name in the book aand he started yelling at me saying alll these things and he ended up pulling my hair and broke my purce ripped my sweater and i had scratches all over my face and neck

 
Old 08-18-2009, 07:42 AM   #15
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Re: hpv and my relationship help please

Did your b/f know about the virus before you had sex with him?
Anyway virus or not this man should never raise a hand to you to harm you in anyway, he is inmature at 25.
leave this dude alone.
get yourself a postive attitude and your self-esteem will increase thanks to the wonderful world of medcine.

I wish you the best with your personal problem and do stay in school....make new friends especially male ones.

Last edited by chevyman; 08-18-2009 at 07:58 AM.

 
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