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Old 09-22-2009, 07:11 AM   #1
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Question What really attracts you?

Only honest answers please!

Men...what is it that attracts you to a woman, and what makes you want to stay with her?


Women...What is it that attracts you to a man, and what makes you want to stay with him?

With a few failed relationships, I'm just really courious.

With me...I want a man to be honest, and considerate of my feelings. Hate being direspected, and to be made to feel like Im not worthy of his time.

 
Old 09-22-2009, 07:54 AM   #2
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Re: What really attracts you?

a guy who can make me laugh

a guy who treats me with respect

a nice smile, nice eyes, and a nice butt !


 
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Old 09-22-2009, 08:26 AM   #3
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Re: What really attracts you?

A positive attitude, that usually shows a big smile.

Being respected, and enjoyed

Big hands, strength, shoulders

 
Old 09-22-2009, 06:43 PM   #4
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Re: What really attracts you?

Someone who will respect me and my parents and who is honest, mature and willing to be a man who stands on his own two feet and doesn't need his mother 24/7. He must be willing to hold down a job and isn't looking to have 2 women on the go at the same time, if you get my meaning!!

The guy needs to have an "X" factor. I don't need pin up boy looks or loads of cash or any other flashy trappings, just someone normal who has that special something about him, but you just can't put a finger on what that 'something' is. I guess something which makes him different to all other males out there. Someone i click with who is special to me. I just call it the "X" factor.

I don't think that is too much to ask for

 
Old 09-22-2009, 09:03 PM   #5
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Re: What really attracts you?

1) Gray hair; gray hair; gray hair; and gray beard
2) Georgeous
3) Has to be able to make me laugh in the morning!

 
Old 09-23-2009, 12:15 AM   #6
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Re: What really attracts you?

amygdala - is your No. 1 by any chance Kenny Rogers

 
Old 09-23-2009, 06:36 AM   #7
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Re: What really attracts you?

I havn't read anything about a man who disrespects his lady, or says he doesn't want kids, after they are here. And treats them worse than the neighbor kid.

If he says he doesn't need anyone just his motorcycle, truck, tools, and lots of land because they don't require love, or attention. Would that make you feel good?

And if your man looked at other women in a way he use to look at you... would it bother you at all? Or would you just say, oh well.

What if you had to ask him to tell you he loved you, or ask for a hug once in a while or a kiss, because you felt so alone and unloved? But he just couldn't do it. He says yea sure I love you...when you ask...but he never shows you, and never says it unless asked to. How would you feel then?

Yes, I am talking about me and my husband of 19+ years, and I don't know what to do. Am I being silly?

 
Old 09-23-2009, 08:29 AM   #8
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Re: What really attracts you?

No, you're not being silly. Silly would be the person who would list those traits as desirable qualities. Someone who would treat their partner like that is bad enough, but to do that to their own kids too?
Are those qualities you would have listed 19 years ago before you got married? I very much doubt it.
I can't tell you what to do about it, but I would rather be single again than feel unloved and lonely in my marriage.

 
Old 09-23-2009, 08:47 AM   #9
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Re: What really attracts you?

Respect is extremely important to me. What attracted me to my fiance was his charming personality and good sense of humor, and of course I found him attractive as well. I feel that I have to be attracted to the person in order to develop a relationship or I'd just want to be friends. I like to have a perfect balance of someone who wants to spend time with you, but still let you do your own thing and not change who you are.

I see many couples where one person is very controlling over the other or constantly picks at them or nags about little things. I choose to let the little things go and instead focus on being happy together and talk things through when there IS something to be concerned about. No need for bickering! I know I couldn't stand being with someone if they constantly nagged at me.

 
Old 09-23-2009, 10:53 AM   #10
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Re: What really attracts you?

So now we get down to why you asked. No, of course you're not being silly. Being with a man like that sort of defeats the whole purpose of making the sacrifices necessary in order to share your life with someone. If he doesn't need anyone, wishes he hadn't had his kids, doesn't need anything but his truck, tools and land, then he won't miss you when you pack up the kids and leave. The only question you have to ask yourself is - is this how I want to spend the rest of my life? Is what I'm getting out of this worth the price I pay for it? If not, then figure a way out and make it happen. Life's too damn short.

 
Old 09-23-2009, 11:22 AM   #11
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Re: What really attracts you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
So now we get down to why you asked. No, of course you're not being silly. Being with a man like that sort of defeats the whole purpose of making the sacrifices necessary in order to share your life with someone. If he doesn't need anyone, wishes he hadn't had his kids, doesn't need anything but his truck, tools and land, then he won't miss you when you pack up the kids and leave. The only question you have to ask yourself is - is this how I want to spend the rest of my life? Is what I'm getting out of this worth the price I pay for it? If not, then figure a way out and make it happen. Life's too damn short.
If the end of this marriage is divorce, you may leave (the house), but why not him leaving it?

Last edited by pendulum; 09-23-2009 at 11:22 AM.

 
Old 09-23-2009, 11:30 AM   #12
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Re: What really attracts you?

No! this is NOT how I want to spend my life, it is to short, for sure. But I do care a great deal for him...not sure why, and really can't remember what attracted me to him, to begin with.

Again no, he won't miss me or the kids when we are gone, and that's what really hurts the most. To know someone you spent your best years with has now trown you and his own kids away with the trash. And those two kids, are the ones who will have to deal with the consequences. It's because of the kids I have not left. I just can't do that to them.

I really really resent him for things that he has said and done. I want him to able to talk to me, but he won't. I've tried so many times. I am the one nagging now. I know that, and I couldn't live with me. But something has to change.

All I do know for sure is...he is defenatley is NOT the man I married!

 
Old 09-23-2009, 11:37 AM   #13
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Re: What really attracts you?

Pendulum...him leaving his house is not an option. Why would he give his house to a woman and children he cares nothing about. He has worked very hard for what he has, it's his.

 
Old 09-23-2009, 12:12 PM   #14
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Re: What really attracts you?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ctnc1234 View Post
Pendulum...him leaving his house is not an option. Why would he give his house to a woman and children he cares nothing about. He has worked very hard for what he has, it's his.
If you are married, then the house is not only his, but of the whole family.

These are his children, Whether he loves them or not, he has to provide for them while they are small.

I think you need to talk to an attorney so you can dispel all your doubts.

It would help you if you got a part-time job, so you don't stay in the house all day long coping with those depressing thoughts.

You are possibly afraid of him, but you must not be afraid of your own fear, if you see what I mean. Your fear must not keep you stuck in this place.

It is difficult to start, but once you start you begin to gain strength.

 
Old 09-23-2009, 01:17 PM   #15
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Re: What really attracts you?

I agree. Make some calls. Many dissolution attorneys will give free initial consultations so you can get some prelimary information without having to pay big bucks. You have helped him build everything he has. Who has been home cooking and cleaning and doing the laundry and taking care of the kids so he could go out and move and shake and make money? You, that's who. You have rights.

And I know it's tempting to stay "for the kids" but let me just give you the flipside of that coin. What are your kids learning about marriage, about how a man should treat a woman and what a woman is supposed to take and accept by watching the two of you? You may think you're keeping the bad blood and the fights away from them, but believe me, kids see and feel a lot more than you realize. And when your kids grow up and realize that mom was miserable and sad all these years, didn't get to live the life she wanted, because she was stuck with me, and if it weren't for me, she could have left an unhappy loveless marriage and had a real life, what do you think that will do to them? And they will find out one day. Again, they will feel it, sense it. Just something to think about.

It's ok to still care about him, It's ok to still love him. But just becasue you still love him and care for him doesn't mean it's healthy for you to continue living with him.

Last edited by Larrylou'smom; 09-23-2009 at 01:20 PM.

 
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