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Old 09-28-2009, 08:58 AM   #16
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Re: Is a relationship with an older man healthy?

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Originally Posted by Lysander View Post

No way I'd say that every fifty year old out there is a rapist-in-waiting, but again, every story I've personally heard about older men and younger women don't end well. You really have to question each party's motives.
what about a 10 year age gap with the guy being older?

 
Old 09-28-2009, 11:06 AM   #17
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Re: Is a relationship with an older man healthy?

In this particular situation, I struggle to understand what a 42 year old man could possibly have in common to talk about with a 19 year old girl. It doesn't make any sense to me. I'm younger than him at 35 and even at my age I really have nothing in common with 19 year olds. What is there to talk about or relate to?

What could you possibly have in common?

 
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Old 09-28-2009, 04:37 PM   #18
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Re: Is a relationship with an older man healthy?

The whole idea of an OLD man with a teenager just seems off putting to me!
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Old 09-28-2009, 06:59 PM   #19
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Smile Re: Is a relationship with an older man healthy?

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Originally Posted by Tivo123 View Post
In this particular situation, I struggle to understand what a 42 year old man could possibly have in common to talk about with a 19 year old girl. It doesn't make any sense to me. I'm younger than him at 35 and even at my age I really have nothing in common with 19 year olds. What is there to talk about or relate to?

What could you possibly have in common?
Similarly to how i would engage in a conversation with anyone who isnt a child is how i communicate with him, i talk about me, he talks about him, laugh, joke around, and similarly enjoy doing the same sorts of things, besides the fact that he may work a lot more than me, i have my university comments as well as work commitments, and when we do find the time we like to chill out, and enjoy it is whatever we are doing and eachothers company.
Sex has not come into it yet, and will not until i realise this relationship is somewhat serious. Considering the fact that i am unsure whether i should allow this relationship to progress or bloom, i dont think i should. Although this has not become an issue as yet.

I dont understand how it would be so hard to understand how it is so hard to find things in common, sometimes opposites attract right?

 
Old 09-28-2009, 07:37 PM   #20
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Re: Is a relationship with an older man healthy?

Opposites attract, but in the long run it's the similarities that hold you together. I am a very outgoing, social person and I married an antisocial loner. He decreed after we married (!) that I would no longer associate with any of my friends...that he (and our son who came along 2 years later) were all I needed. And that he was the husband and I was only the wife, and he was now the boss. Obviously, this marriage did not last.

My most recent ex is an overgrown party boy who doesn't really have to work since his dad pays his rent and all his bills (he's 37) and is a slob, eats fast food exclusively, smokes and drinks frequently. He sleeps all day, sometimes until 2 pm! Which he needs to do since he's up sometimes until 4 am. I have a job that requires me to wake up at 5:45 am, I go in every single day, I pay bills, pay my own rent, and clean my little duplex regularly. AND, I don't smoke and seldom drink, and I have to eat a healthy diet due to a medical condition. Oh, and I'm 7 years older and have a child. I figured, well, I care about him, he cares about me, and isn't that all that matters? Well, no. He always tried to convince me to miss work to hang out with him or go out of town somewhere, he wanted me to "party" with him on weeknights, and he didn't understand that while I make good money, I have bills to pay (he scoffed at that...he wanted to know what bills could I possibly have??!!) He wanted me to stay up late with him, but how could I when I had to get up an hour and 45 minutes after he went to bed? And he complained that my son was more important to me than he was (!). So no, how we felt about each other did not cancel out all the differences, we grew apart, he cheated, and the relationship crashed and burned.

That's why people are so concerned about the differences...when he was attending his high school prom, you weren't even born yet! If he references something that happened in the 80s, you don't even know what he's talking about! And you'd feel out of place with his co-workers, let alone feel weird around his family. He probably has siblings with children your age!

While it is possible to make it work, don't dismiss or discount the effect the age difference can have on the relationship. Be prepared to find a way to deal with it if you decide to continue. And expect bumps in the road. Big ones.
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Old 09-28-2009, 08:35 PM   #21
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Re: Is a relationship with an older man healthy?

Some people are just young at heart. And some people have old souls.

I'm 45, no children. I relate so much better to both men and women who are 10+ years younger than I. Teenagers think I'm the coolest person ever.

My bf is 34. He was 22 when we began dating. I was the one worried that he was giving up his youth by being tied down in a relationship with me. I was so wrong. He is such an old soul. He is and has always been the more mature between the two of us. He's much more level headed and responsible than I. I've been the one to give up the late nights of partying. That was never his idea of fun.

gymjunkie, you seem mature for 19. If the 2 of you feel you're compatible, don't let anyone try to tell you different. My bf's family has always accepted our 11 year age difference without any hesitation. My sister and niece, both who prefer men 20 years their senior, make jokes and give me grief about me robbing the cradle, call him my boy toy, and make jokes about him sitting at the kiddie table at family gatherings. Guess whose family we spend the most time with?! Not mine!

 
Old 09-28-2009, 08:58 PM   #22
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Re: Is a relationship with an older man healthy?

I would just like you to consider the fact that at 19, you're going into that crucial age group between 20-29 when you will do the most growth and discovery in your life. The guy has already been through that and knows who he is and what he wants in life. You have yet to experience all that yet. It would be a shame for you to let all of that fall by the wayside while you take up with this guy, thereby never having the opportunity to live the life of a normal 20something. My concern for you is that you'll wake up one day in your 30s and realize you never had that opportunity to sow your wild oats and just have a good time because you tried to grow up too fast.

Don't be in such a hurry to get old. It's no fun. It kind of sucks actually when you realize some of the best most carefree years of your life are over. Take the time to experience things in life and don't tie yourself down to someone who may end up controlling you for fear of losing you to someone younger and living a more active lifestyle or something.

 
Old 09-29-2009, 03:21 AM   #23
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Re: Is a relationship with an older man healthy?

A lot of people seems to be making a lot of assumptions in this thread about the original poster and the guy she is talking with. Not every 19 wants to run wild in the streets till they are 30, some do. Some are more then ready to settle down at 19, some are not. There is much we don't know about gymjunkie and the guy she is talking with.

 
Old 09-29-2009, 05:07 AM   #24
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Re: Is a relationship with an older man healthy?

Quote:
Originally Posted by WorriednNervous View Post
A lot of people seems to be making a lot of assumptions in this thread about the original poster and the guy she is talking with. Not every 19 wants to run wild in the streets till they are 30, some do. Some are more then ready to settle down at 19, some are not. There is much we don't know about gymjunkie and the guy she is talking with.
I'm endorsing this. If gymjunkie and this guy feel happy with each other, then why not? They can't expect that their relationship will be problem-free, because no relationship is, as far as I know. And of course, there will be issues that are specifically age-related. But isn't life that is worth living made of challenges?

One more thing: I hope he is a health-conscious person and knows how to look after himself. He will badly need to be and stay healthy as long as possible, so the relationship with a much younger person will be viable.

Last edited by pendulum; 09-29-2009 at 05:13 AM.

 
Old 09-29-2009, 06:45 AM   #25
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Re: Is a relationship with an older man healthy?

I am a 48 year old women...I love teenagers too, because are my children, and my childrens friends. Would I ever date one of them? NO.

 
Old 09-29-2009, 06:58 AM   #26
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Re: Is a relationship with an older man healthy?

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Originally Posted by writeleft View Post
I am a 48 year old women...I love teenagers too, because are my children, and my childrens friends. Would I ever date one of them? NO.

I understand this, but I think it's somewhat different when the man is older than the woman.

 
Old 09-29-2009, 07:06 AM   #27
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Re: Is a relationship with an older man healthy?

I disagree. Why should it be different who is which age? Either way, that's a huge age difference and either way it's not likely to be socially accepted by most people. At least not here in the US.

Bottom line is, gymjunkie, you asked if it was healthy and majority of the people here agree that it's probably not, but you have to do what you feel is right for yourself. It sounds like your mind is made up so that's fine, go for it.

But keep your wits about you and don't ignore your gut feelings if something ever seems strange in the future.

 
Old 09-29-2009, 07:21 AM   #28
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Re: Is a relationship with an older man healthy?

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Originally Posted by pendulum View Post
I understand this, but I think it's somewhat different when the man is older than the woman.
Really, why is that Mr. Pendulum ?

 
Old 09-29-2009, 05:53 PM   #29
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Re: Is a relationship with an older man healthy?

Reading the posts of the original poster, i'd say she sounds very mature for 19 and it doesn't sound as though she's simply jumping in feet first. From her posts it appears they've known each other for quite some time, he hasn't pushed her for sex, they appear to have quite a lot in common as their relationship is at the present solely based on conversation and humour. So far their relationship sounds like any normal persons "getting to know you phase". You wouldn't know that there was an age difference unless she had told us. She has also told us that she's studying at university and wants a career for herself.

I'd say, gymjunkie, it sounds as though your head is in the right place and you are pursuing this mentally rather than emotionally or physically.

Everybody is different, my mother thinks when a man is older than a woman by 5 yrs that he is "old enough to be your father", me i've always liked someone about 10 years older. She simply dies at the thought!! I could never date a much younger man, but my mother would rather i come home with a guy 7 years younger instead of 10 years older.

As for the 'health' aspect of being with an older man, it all depends on how he treats you and how comfortable you are with life in this relationship. If you are more serious and not into nightclubbing and partying till all hours then i'm sure it will be fine with him as most men in their 40's are over the clubbing scene and prefer quieter nights at home alone or drinks/dinners with friends.

I find calling this 42 year old guy "old" a hoot because i myself will be 43 this year and i dont consider myself old, LOL. My ex is 41 and doesn't look his age, looks heaps younger. He wants to meet someone who wants children and whose biological clock hasn't run out and he's not creepy with a hidden agenda either. Could be another reason this guy would like your relationship to work.

A lot of us have that one relationship which we'll remember into our old age and maybe this will be one of yours or maybe you will both be together to old age. Whichever it is, i hope it ends up being happy memories.

 
Old 09-30-2009, 01:43 AM   #30
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Re: Is a relationship with an older man healthy?

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Originally Posted by Audrey-B View Post
...
I find calling this 42 year old guy "old" a hoot because i myself will be 43 this year and i dont consider myself old, LOL. ...
I was going to say the same thing. Being in my fifties, I don't really consider myself a very old man, lol.

I was thinking that, like gymjunkie, this man must also have his own concerns about this large age gap if he feels that they are entering a serious relationship.

Ideally, partners should belong to the same generation. I am ten years my wife's senior, but sometimes I find myself wondering if we two belong to the same generation, lol. Ultimately, what really counts are the two partners, what they are looking for, and what they are willing to sacrifice for the relationship.

However, I would think that there are more chances of an older man with a younger woman being in a more successful relationship than the other way around.

Assuming that in most cases a man is still the breadwinner in the family, a much younger man may find himself unable to afford to pay for the ways of a much older woman. In such a relationship, if the younger partner has no children and longs for them, he may find himself unable to fulfil his desire. Also, as it often (but not always) happens, a younger man may need more sex than an older woman is willing to offer him - this imbalance may foster cheating. Mind you, I am not saying this will necessarily be the case and I am not making little of an older woman's sexuality, either, but the probability is simply higher. Lastly, society tends to accept an older man with a younger woman better than the opposite or reverse.

Last edited by pendulum; 09-30-2009 at 04:47 AM.

 
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