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Old 10-19-2009, 10:35 AM   #1
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I think I should find another job

So, there is a former co-worker that is more than likely coming back. Thing is, he would always say I was inadequate with women bascically. I already have vast, vast insecurity issues and self-loathing issues. I think they are true though, and that makes it hard to wake up every morning. I'm thinking I should find another job. What do you all think?

 
Old 10-19-2009, 11:08 AM   #2
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Re: I think I should find another job

I think that you are going to have your "insecurity issues and self-loathing issues" wherever you go. People like your co-worker exist everywhere. Maybe it's time to seek a counselor or physician. If you enjoy your job, don't give someone else the power to run you off.

 
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Old 10-19-2009, 11:17 AM   #3
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Re: I think I should find another job

you have got to be kidding......jobs are hard to come by these days and there are idiots everywhere......what's to say you won't find someone WORSE on your next job?
stop worrying about OTHER people......
your other post was about some guy who made a comment.....people make comments all day long. I don't think you'll find a job in a bubble, you will have to deal with people and learn to not let them bother you so much!

 
Old 10-19-2009, 11:36 AM   #4
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Re: I think I should find another job

If the job is already waiting for you, if it will pay better, if it will be more pleasurable to you and in a better environment, then you should go, but never because of this other guy. In the long run, he may never come back...

I agree with the others: everywhere you will find people who are fond of bullying and telling you what you have to do to succeed. If anything, smile, listen with only one ear, and move on. Concentrate on what you have to do and let losers talk until they are blue in the face.

 
Old 10-19-2009, 12:11 PM   #5
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Re: I think I should find another job

Don't let someone run you off your job! I have someone at my work who has been on a 3 year campaign to get me fired. She tells our coworkers that I am useless, stupid and that she can't stand me. What do I do? Perform my job in the most competent, professional manner possible, kick butt, and she has to eat it!

If your self-esteem and (sorry to be harsh) paranoia are so bad you think you should leave your job just because someone said some things you don't like...therapy is definitely the answer. You may end up holing up at home just to avoid people you are imagining are talking bad about you. And that's just so unhealthy.
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Old 10-19-2009, 03:03 PM   #6
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Re: I think I should find another job

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Originally Posted by Redneon82 View Post
Don't let someone run you off your job! I have someone at my work who has been on a 3 year campaign to get me fired. She tells our coworkers that I am useless, stupid and that she can't stand me. What do I do? Perform my job in the most competent, professional manner possible, kick butt, and she has to eat it!

If your self-esteem and (sorry to be harsh) paranoia are so bad you think you should leave your job just because someone said some things you don't like...therapy is definitely the answer. You may end up holing up at home just to avoid people you are imagining are talking bad about you. And that's just so unhealthy.
Yeah, but that girl is probably jealous of you. There's a difference, this guy has no reason to be jealous of me.

You mentioned paranoia, I have some risperidone (generic risperidal) in my bedroom cabinet, I wonder if I should take that lol.

And I tried therapy, it only helped slightly (barely noticeable).

 
Old 10-19-2009, 05:31 PM   #7
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Re: I think I should find another job

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Yeah, but that girl is probably jealous of you. There's a difference, this guy has no reason to be jealous of me.

...
Maybe you won't take me seriously, but anyway... if he is not totally despicable, why don't you try to become his "friend"? You could drop the hint that you are after some tips on how to become more adequate with women. He might feel flattered by your suggestion and stop saying those things to and about you, as long as you are "willing" to learn his tips.

Last edited by pendulum; 10-19-2009 at 05:32 PM.

 
Old 10-19-2009, 05:41 PM   #8
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Re: I think I should find another job

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Maybe you won't take me seriously, but anyway... if he is not totally despicable, why don't you try to become his "friend"? You could drop the hint that you are after some tips on how to become more adequate with women. He might feel flattered by your suggestion and stop saying those things to and about you, as long as you are "willing" to learn his tips.
The man has called me ugly on more than one occasion, so I doubt he would think I would make any progress. Plus, he sucks with women so I have no need to seek his advice, even if it were for an ulterior motive.

 
Old 10-19-2009, 08:07 PM   #9
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Re: I think I should find another job

Haven't you been through all this before?? You are playing a 'yes, but..' game here, I feel. All the advice you have received is valid, yet you always have another reason why it wouldn't work. How long did you go to therapy? It seems that you are not willing to really get into the work you need to function with any self esteem. You are still playing the poor me card. Tell yourself this truth- What this person says is ALL ABOUT HIM. What is in his head is nothing to do with you. Grow a skin and shrug it off. Just smile and say, "I am sure you are right", or "You could have something there". It is guaranteed that he will stop after a few of these 'boring' comebacks. These people need a payoff, and visible discomfort is one of the best. He can say to himself "Well, that was fun, I'll start thinking up the next one to lob at him". This stuff belongs in the schoolyard, not in an adult environment, and, sorry mate, but you are feeding it and prolonging it as much as he is. You be the adult here, not the scared little boy. Seraph.

 
Old 10-19-2009, 08:38 PM   #10
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Re: I think I should find another job

It doesn't matter what this guy's motivation is. All that matters is how you choose to react to it. Yes, I said choose. You have chosen to allow people to destroy your self esteem, and then you blame them for it. Only you can affect your self esteem...no one else.

That lady at my work may be jealous, she may be angry, who knows...I don't care, and I certainly would never, ever allow her to get me to slink into a corner, cringing in embarassment or shame. You can't let this guy do that to you.

Choose to work on this issue you have, choose to allow no one but yourself have an effect on your self esteem, choose to allow yourself to enjoy your life. If you don't know how, ask a professional. And choose to let the professional help you. If you decide ahead of time therapy won't do you any good, guess what, it won't. But if you really want out of this "people hate me" rut, then you will work and allow the therapy to help you. You can do this, all you have to do is decide you want to. It really is that easy.
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Old 10-19-2009, 10:37 PM   #11
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Re: I think I should find another job

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Haven't you been through all this before?? You are playing a 'yes, but..' game here, I feel. All the advice you have received is valid, yet you always have another reason why it wouldn't work. How long did you go to therapy? It seems that you are not willing to really get into the work you need to function with any self esteem. You are still playing the poor me card. Tell yourself this truth- What this person says is ALL ABOUT HIM. What is in his head is nothing to do with you. Grow a skin and shrug it off. Just smile and say, "I am sure you are right", or "You could have something there". It is guaranteed that he will stop after a few of these 'boring' comebacks. These people need a payoff, and visible discomfort is one of the best. He can say to himself "Well, that was fun, I'll start thinking up the next one to lob at him". This stuff belongs in the schoolyard, not in an adult environment, and, sorry mate, but you are feeding it and prolonging it as much as he is. You be the adult here, not the scared little boy. Seraph.

You might have something there, Seraph. I'm not sure if it will work, but I can give it a shot. Though, it's not so much about HIM, but whether or not I am actually inadequate. As far as therapy, I have been to about 10-12 sessions. Might not seem like a lot but I was expecting a decent amount of improvement, maybe I didn't work hard enough at it.

Redneon, I know it is not emotionally healthy to let myself drown in low self-esteem. I want to work on it, I do, it's just...I have NO PROOF that he is wrong. That's what scares me. As far as asking a professional, maybe I should try a different one?

 
Old 10-20-2009, 04:27 AM   #12
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Re: I think I should find another job

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The man has called me ugly on more than one occasion, so I doubt he would think I would make any progress. Plus, he sucks with women so I have no need to seek his advice, even if it were for an ulterior motive.
Did he say so? Hmm, he is probably rude, but what is most striking about him is that he is naive. I can assure you that what really matters about a man and about any person for that matter is not their "beauty" but their charm. And in most cases only the "ugly" are capable of tapping into charm. Most beautiful people lack real charm.

 
Old 10-20-2009, 04:54 AM   #13
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Re: I think I should find another job

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Did he say so? Hmm, he is probably rude, but what is most striking about him is that he is naive. I can assure you that what really matters about a man and about any person for that matter is not their "beauty" but their charm. And in most cases only the "ugly" are capable of tapping into charm. Most beautiful people lack real charm.
So, you think he was right then? And charm doesn't matter, if you are ugly, you are pretty much screwed. Unless you are the 2% rich and famous.

 
Old 10-20-2009, 05:43 AM   #14
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Re: I think I should find another job

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So, you think he was right then? And charm doesn't matter, if you are ugly, you are pretty much screwed. Unless you are the 2% rich and famous.
I don't quite understand what you mean by "screwed", but no, I don't think he is right. I am telling you that he really doesn't know what makes a man and a person attractive. However, I am not saying that all "ugly" people have got charm, either. What I am saying is that charm is something beyond physical beauty, lasts longer than beauty, and is more powerful than beauty, and that if you happen to be already beautiful, then you may not be interested in using your charm.

Although charm is not necessarily linked to having lots of money, I understand that if you are totally penniless and jobless and idle, then you won't probably be able to use your charm whatever you do.

 
Old 10-22-2009, 10:47 PM   #15
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Re: I think I should find another job

Now I want to leave my job, but for a totally different reason. Gosh, I make a fool out of myself everday. Bascically because of this, someone thought I was gay and now I know this is going to get spread around.

God, everyday is filled with misery, anxiety,...it just sucks

 
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