I've been in a long term relationship for over a year and a half and there's been little to no complications. We've both understood that it will be a little while longer before we can take the next step and get her to move closer to me, or even in with me. Once I get through with college, we're pretty certain she'll have the opportunity to move in with me. The problem though lies within our deprived sex life. Obviously it's been hard on both of us to hold off but the love and trust we have in each other makes it all worth while to wait until we are together. However, there's been talk back and forth about her possibly having a 1 time only night with a co-worker who's a little older than her (out of dating age range). It's kind of a fantasy to wonder what it would be like to let her have an experience with another guy and most of myself tells me it would be ok. However, there's a small part of me that feels like there could be some jealousy later on when we're finally together.
She's coming to visit for the week of Thanksgiving and we have numerous short vacation hook ups planned, but it's still tough waiting for the both of us. I've gave her permission to see if he would be interested in such activity because when I talk to her, I feel like there will be no regrets later on. However, when I am not talking to her, I have little regrets eating away at me in fear of losing our relationship.
The chance of her ending our long distance relationship for a physical relationship with him is impossible. It just can't happen. Although, I really am uncertain if I fully could accept them having a one night stand. She allows me to have female friends and to go out with them to the movies and such to keep my sanity with my social life. I give her the same freedom. This co-worker is just a friend for now, but like I said, she's talked to me about having this one time only, one night stand.
Since it's a mild fantasy of mine and I've already given her the permission to find out if he would be willing, do I just let it go or is it pretty much a guarantee that we will regret it later on due to jealousy and pain? There's a part of me that says I won't feel bad about it after, but there's also a part of me saying I'll get jealous. Help?
Well think about it, you're just going out to movies and socializing while she's talking about actually having sex with another guy. I can understand why you're concerned. Whether or not it's a fantasy of yours, the fact that there's any jealousy on your part makes that a dangerous thing for you guys to explore at all. The only way something like that would work out is if you were totally fine with it and had no issues whatsoever.
I don't like this it all, I don't think it's a good idea. I'm usually more liberal minded when it comes to things like open relationships but only when it's between two people who have talked it through completely and have understood all of the potential ramifications. And when they both agree that there can't be any jealousy or hard feelings afterwards. It works for some people because they can handle it. But the majority of people can't successfully do that without there being major consequences. The fact that your relationship is long distance throws a huge wrench into the entire thing. I just think it's a terrible idea because based on what you've already written, she hasn't done this yet and you're already having doubts about it. If you were really truly ok with it then you wouldn't be questionining it.
No, I say, absolutely not in your case. It's a train wreck waiting to happen. If you tell her to go ahead I can already see that after it happens you're going to be having doubts about it and it's going to mess with your mind too much and this entire relationship will be ruined.
I'm confused in regards to you calling it a 'fantasy' of yours, but at the same time you are talking of insecure feelings of jealousy.
How much longer before she can move back with you? Are we talking years and years or sooner? Surely she can wait it out?
She might think she wants a one night stand with this guy, but "just once" rarely works. You wont know what she's doing and i doubt she'd tell you since she would know you aren't keen on her actions.
I don't see why if you can hold your end of the bargain and just socialise with friends who happen to include females, why she can't do the same thing. Surely she can wait for sex the next time the two of you see each other?
I can see all kinds of potential complications in the future. You will never be able to stop wondering if he was better than you in bed, if she thinks about him now and then, if she's lying to you about the experience, if she liked it so much she repeated it, if she will cheat on you with someone else. This can color your entire future. Like others have said, your sometime thoughts of jealousy are your indication that this in NO WAY can work. If you want to have a future life with this woman, then forget these thoughts. If you don't care - let her go ahead and do what she wants.