It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 01-03-2010, 12:17 PM   #1
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 438
Laye HB UserLaye HB UserLaye HB User
Men & Women & Porn

There have been a few threads on here about porn and men viewing it. I would like to say that I think it demeans women but there is no way men are NOT ever going to look at it. They will. The key is how obsessed they are (sex addicts) and if it infiltrates a relationship. I think some men think women are supposed to be a "certain way" sexually and they get that from porn. It raises the bar for a huge disappointment in real life. Real women are not porn stars. It also sets up younger women for failure thinking the only way they are going to please their man is if they act like a porn star. Look at the reality shows. Most of the young women have fake breasts, fake hair, too much make-up..kind of like porn stars. It's becoming an epidemic of dysfunction and it leads to all kinds of problems in relationships. There is a healthy balance but it's not being followed. I don't think there is anything wrong with being sexual within a relationship. What I think is wrong and sad is the way young women will pose for pics..put them on the internet for free..expose their bodies in porn and basically degrade themselves.

What I believe needs to happen is women and men need to be educated from the start to NOT pose for pics or put themselves in these movies. Or be seduced by the falseness of it. There are plenty of former porn stars out there who wish they never started. They are used up like objects..and women are definitely more objectified in this society than men are. It really needs to stop.

A woman does NOT want to ever be involved with a sex addict...some of the tell tale signs..a man who has many online dating profiles..that is a huge red flag..especially the ones that cater to hook ups. He has issues with being able to get excited by simple lovemaking..he's impatient with you if you can't perform something you want. He has a huge stash of porn somewhere...he can't explain is time..he comes on heavy with women..lot's of compliments and stare downs..he takes risks that compromise his life..and relationships with other people..he can't settle with one woman. He's a serial cheater..on his wife..on his girlfriend..basically a walking STD. RUN from this type of man.

If you find yourself questioning anything he says..move on. It's not worth the torment. But be mindful..it's healthy to want to look at a naked form..or even desire one..all men and women will do that. It's actually acting upon it if you are in a relationship that defines the character of the individual. Being naked for art in certain photographs I don't find offensive..it's the trashy porn..that is an entire different story. But then again..it's all up the the person their level of what is offensive. I'm not here to judge..but I do think young women need to stop taking their clothes off so readily.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 01-05-2010, 07:53 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Florida
Posts: 658
cathy1 HB Usercathy1 HB User
Re: Men & Women & Porn

I've never seen so many young women dressing and acting like strippers and porn stars. It's becoming more and more mainstream and accepted.

Sadly it just reinforces that already pervasive problem of young women feeling that they aren't ever going to be pretty "enough" or sexy enough.

 
Old 01-05-2010, 09:15 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: California
Posts: 2,095
Redneon82 HB User
Re: Men & Women & Porn

I don't have strong feelings against adults doing this stuff (I wouldn't do it, and that's where I leave it) but what really riles me up is when I see belly shirts, skinny (skin tight more like it) jeans and thong underwear for LITTLE GIRLS! Why in the world would a mother allow her 8 year old to wear a thong???!!!
__________________
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong

 
Old 01-05-2010, 10:29 AM   #4
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
trystme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,101
trystme HB Usertrystme HB Usertrystme HB Usertrystme HB Usertrystme HB Usertrystme HB User
Re: Men & Women & Porn

It is the men who should feel inadequate when watching porn.

 
Old 01-05-2010, 01:30 PM   #5
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 1,651
StenoLady1 HB UserStenoLady1 HB User
Re: Men & Women & Porn

I think you're giving porn waaaaay too much power and credit.

Your problem is with society as a whole. Porn is simply one of many byproducts.

Quote:
I think some men think women are supposed to be a "certain way" sexually and they get that from porn. It raises the bar for a huge disappointment in real life.
Men get their expectations from their upbringing. You need to be looking at the type of childhood a guy had, his relationship with his mother, his mother's behaviors.

Quote:
Look at the reality shows. Most of the young women have fake breasts, fake hair, too much make-up..kind of like porn stars. It's becoming an epidemic of dysfunction and it leads to all kinds of problems in relationships.
Real actors and rock stars also have fake hair and too much makeup and fake breasts. Pick up any of the tabloids at the checkout counter -- available for all to see, including young, impressionable women -- and just look at the covers!

However, I will agree that reality shows are completely trashy. I'd rather watch a good porno over a reality show.

Quote:
What I believe needs to happen is women and men need to be educated from the start to NOT pose for pics or put themselves in these movies. Or be seduced by the falseness of it.
What then? What about prostitutes, escorts, masseuses who give "happy endings," strippers? Should they all be shut down, too? This is a HUGE industry.

Quote:
A woman does NOT want to ever be involved with a sex addict...some of the tell tale signs..a man who has many online dating profiles..that is a huge red flag..especially the ones that cater to hook ups. He has issues with being able to get excited by simple lovemaking..he's impatient with you if you can't perform something you want. He has a huge stash of porn somewhere...he can't explain is time..he comes on heavy with women..lot's of compliments and stare downs..he takes risks that compromise his life..and relationships with other people..he can't settle with one woman. He's a serial cheater..on his wife..on his girlfriend..basically a walking STD. RUN from this type of man.
What you're describing is a pig. What does taking risks which might compromise his life have to do with porn? A serial cheater is going to cheat based on his or her wiring and how they were raised, what they saw daddy doing and mommy putting up with.

Quote:
But then again..it's all up the the person their level of what is offensive. I'm not here to judge..but I do think young women need to stop taking their clothes off so readily.
Again, your problem isn't with these women. It's with a part of society who keeps them in business. It's like staying with an alcoholic and thinking that the makers of vodka should just go away and all the problems will just go away. What about the beer makers? Whiskey? Moonshine!?! It all boils down to individual choices. The choice is yours as to who you decide to partner with, just as they have their choices.

I like porn. I'm not a bit ashamed to admit it. I'm a female, and I watch it with my husband, I watch it alone sometimes, and I know my hubby watches it alone, too. I also like a glass of wine with dinner. Just because someone halfway around the world can't handle his liquor shouldn't mean that we all have to go without. Just because some chick halfway around the world can't handle her man looking at naked women or couples making whoopie on the silver screen, well, same thing. Don't buy the porn. Pick a new boyfriend. Change the channel. If it affects your life and relationships soooo much, maybe get some therapy and figure out why someone else's thoughts impact your self-esteem so much.

Seriously, I think the models in fashion magazines and A-List celebrities are doing much more harm to today's young women and youth in general than porn and reality tv. That is what women especially need to be opposing. And I'm not just talking about physical appearances. We are all on information overload. Basic respect is gone. Privacy is gone. Parents now expect to be their kids' "friends."

Porn is really small potatoes.

 
Old 01-05-2010, 05:20 PM   #6
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: US
Posts: 330
Sillygrl HB UserSillygrl HB User
Re: Men & Women & Porn

Haha, I agree with Trystme! Men should be the ones feeling inadequate! I am a woman and I personally like porn. I watch it all the time with my boyfriend and when I am alone. Porn has never influenced me to dress or act like a floozy. All porn has done for me is to give me new ideas to use with my boyfriend.

 
Old 01-05-2010, 05:38 PM   #7
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 438
Laye HB UserLaye HB UserLaye HB User
Re: Men & Women & Porn

IF all porn does then is to teach you new ways on how to interact sexually why not just read about it? I mean..they have books that teach all kinds of stuff. I agree there are plenty of rock stars, rappers and actors who objectify. No doubt. What I'm saying is there is an element in it that is demeaning. What you do in the privacy of your own relationship is another thing. You can be as exploratory as you wish. I don't care. Porn and sex addicts do go together..Porn is like candy to them. I'm sorry to disagree..but I do. You can have a healthy appetite for sex without porn. But for a lot of troubled, vulnerable people the porn industry exploits.

Also, being raised in a healthy home by marvelous parents has nothing to do with porn. If it's there it's going to be used by people to exploit others. I just think it does far more damage than it does good. In the privacy of your own relationships if you want to take pictures..make tapes do whatever. Just don't put it out there for public consumption. If you want ideas use your imagination or read a book on it.

 
Old 01-05-2010, 05:48 PM   #8
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: US
Posts: 330
Sillygrl HB UserSillygrl HB User
Re: Men & Women & Porn

You do know that porn is not a new thing right? There has been some form of porn since there has been sex. The only difference today is that there are other mediums for it to be shared. So, I guess my point there is that looking at sex, i.e. porn is not a new "problem". I agree with how you say it can objectify women, but so do movies, tv, fashion, etc. etc. etc. I think that the best thing we can do for our young girls is to help them boost their self esteem. This starts at home and can be worked on in the school setting. Sadly, there are girls being raised all over the world by parents who do not instill in them the belief that they are worth something. Those girls are the ones you most likely see in porn. You cannot save them all. I am going to be a teacher and plan on getting my masters in counseling. My main passion is instilling self-esteem in girls so that they hopefully do not get pregnant at 13 or sell their bodies. But like I said before, you cannot save them all and if you think that you will just be disappointed. There is going to be porn, movies, tv that objectifies women so the best thing to do is ignore it and raise your kids to believe in themselves and to not fall prey to the "evils" of the world.

 
Old 01-05-2010, 06:39 PM   #9
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 438
Laye HB UserLaye HB UserLaye HB User
Re: Men & Women & Porn

Yes. I am aware that some form of porn has been around since the dawn of time. Absolutely. But you see if thinking that things will never change. That we can't make a difference or alter the way we do things then we should just stop?I know we can't save everyone. And I know there will always be bad things. Murders. Incest. Rapes. Pornography. But there can be steps but in place that make it more difficult to get the end result. There are sex slaves out there. Human trafficking. Now, I'm certain there are girls out there who had been raised well..but still ended up as sex slaves. I believe that certain images fuel certain behaviors in people already set out to destruct. It's just another tool in place for them to get what they want. We have too many contradictions that play out in the media everywhere you look. From the porn star reality show girls..to the quest for love from strangers..to the PSA's that talk about child molestation and how to care for yourself..to the tabloids telling girls what makes them sexy. To the news shows talking about the creeps who've kidnapped children..a sick mind takes those images in porn and it fuels them for more recreational, unprotected sex. For some of these young girls a choice cannot always be made. It's made for her unfortunately.

Maybe removing the pornographic images could help tone down some of the sexual violence it elicits. Not all of it does to every person who watches it. But why test fate. There is always going to be someone who can't handle it and use it to exploit.

 
Old 01-05-2010, 07:32 PM   #10
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: US
Posts: 330
Sillygrl HB UserSillygrl HB User
Re: Men & Women & Porn

Yeah I think you could be right but how in the world is getting rid of porn ever going to happen? Say porn was somehow eradicated, it will be just like when booze was made in basements because it couldn't be made elsewhere...porn will just be made by those sick freaks who can't find it on the internet. I think that a perverted man watching porn in his own home hurting no one but himself is A LOT better than desperate pervs making their own porn with unconsenting minor girls!

 
Old 01-06-2010, 03:40 AM   #11
Senior Veteran
(male)
 
pendulum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Florianópolis, Brazil
Posts: 3,712
pendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB Userpendulum HB User
Re: Men & Women & Porn

I think porn has its place in modern life. We can't deny it. Yet, there seems to be too much of it anyway. I think this could be a symptom that there is something "rotten" or broken in our society.

In some cases, I am sure, porn is simply a misguided or misaimed or whatever, a futile search, maybe, for real love.

 
Old 01-08-2010, 01:08 PM   #12
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 17
daliz HB User
Re: Men & Women & Porn

I go to a site that is a support group for people who have a masterbation/pornography addiction or are a spouse or girlfriend of an porn addict. I go there because my husbands porn use was distroying our relationship. That's all he wanted to do. He's started working towards having a full life with a REAL relationship instead of a fantasy one now. I decided to say something on this thread because people are not talking about this problem enough. And it is a problem. If you're interested, the website is called [DELETED]. I was silent about this problem for years and years, and it's time people started coming talking about it. Suffering through this in silence is no way to live.

Last edited by Mod-S4; 02-22-2010 at 07:09 AM. Reason: Disallowed web site. Do not post search instructions.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
AGUS/AGC pap results - questions about ECC & endometrial biopsy angel4747 Cancer: Cervical & Ovarian 38 04-11-2012 11:21 AM
Is it me or is it him? Other women & self esteem... LittleBlueGirl Relationship Health 16 03-05-2008 01:29 PM
Thoughts of my husband & other women Smartcookie Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) 542 02-04-2006 05:54 PM
boyfriends porn/women addictions blondie33 Relationship Health 8 08-19-2005 10:47 PM
12 year old & porn rfj120 Parenting Issues 7 03-23-2005 11:31 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:37 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.com™ All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!