Hello, My name is David. I have never posted on these boards before and I am looking for some advice and input, and some help putting things into perspective.
A little about me to start out, 39, divorced and father of 2 kids. I started dating about 3 years ago, I never really got into a serious relationship with anyone mostly just casual dates and such. I had a very long and difficult relationship with my ex wife who had alot of emotional/anger issues and I have spent most of my adult life being walked all over by her.
About 6 months ago I made a great connection online. Her name is JJ (to keep it annonymous) and we chatted online for about 2 weeks on and off, we met in person at a coffee shop and had a very casual and fun first date. We agreed to see each other again and made plans to go out to dinner the next weekend. We ended up going out on about 5 dates total over a 4 week period, each time we got closer and seemed to be very connected to each other. We laughed and joked, talked about our pasts, and she seemed almost to good to be true(sound familiar?) Both of us are quite shy and we became very comfortable with each other, had lots in common, we both had similar relationships in the past (her ex was verbally abusive). We started texting and calling each other more and more and within a few weeks we were talking or texting on a almost daily basis. We started becoming more flirty, she became very open and on the phone and thru text messages and she began telling me that she really liked me alot and had never met someone so amazing as me. I felt the same way and was so excited with the way things were going for us. We talked about family and holidays and both agreed we wanted to start seeing each other alot more.
We had known each other at this point for about 2 and a half months total. This was in late september. We went out for her birthday and had a great time. She told me on the way back to her appartment that she was falling in love with me and although she was scared alitte by how much she was falling for me and she was afraid I was going to leave her (her insecurities get worse as our relationship goes on) but she trusted me and wanted to get more serious. We continued to talk and text everyday thru october and the last week of october she called me one night while I was at work, and left me the sweetest voicemail. She told me she was so in love with me and she knew we were solemates..I of course was very happy to hear her say this as I was feeling the same way.
Everything seemed so great and we continued to grow closer and closer.
In early November, her mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and was given 6 months to live. JJ and her mom were very close and JJ's father had died of cancer 6 years ago. Her mom began treatments in boston and JJ had to driver her out there on the weekends and stay with her, while her ex husband watched the kids. During the week she had to work of course and this took a toll on our relationship as we really couldnt see each other much. We continued to talk and text everyday. She became very insecure about our relationship and started to question if I still loved her with everything going on. I did love her and reassured her constantly that I was with her 100% and nothing would change. In late December her mom took a turn for the worse and since then JJ has been out in boston 5 days a week, coming home only long enough to see her kids a couple days and get fresh clothes. We continued to keep in touch still talking daily but the stress of her mom being sick and us hardly seeing each other started to take its toll on our relationship and we started agrguing over stupid things on the phone..almost every phone conversation ended with both of us in tears and her questioning why I still loved her. I felt like I was loosing her and the distance was taking its toll on our relationship.
I decided to surprise her 2 weeks ago by driving out to Boston on the weekend to visit her ( i had been out there twice before but they were both planned trips and she knew I was coming). I showed up with on friday night with flowers and get well cards for her mom and a big boquet of flowers for JJ and a balloon that said "I love you". She was happy, crying uncontrollablly, telling me she loved me too. I felt better that night we talked alot and we agreed to spend Saturday in Quincey market to spend time together and get her away from things for a day.
Saturday was greet, we walked around and talked, shopped and laughed. She was smiling and happy, we held hands all day and she seemed like her old self. We had dinner out Saturday night, instead of in the Hospital and we talked. She said she was sorry about her being so insecure and and always crying on the phone but she was really scared of loosing me and with everything else going on with her mom she couldn't handle that. Again I reasured her I was in this with her for the long haul. There was no one else I wanted to be with besides her and I wasnt going to break up with her! I made a promise, I promised her that my feelings for her were true and would never change. She cried and told me she didn't know what she would do without me, and that she loved me. We spent the evening back at my Hotel room, watched TV and talked. I held her the entire time, we kissed and said goodnight and she left around midnight.
Sunday morning came and I had to leave to head back home, had to get my kids by 2 and it was a 4 hour drive back home. I stopped by the hospital to check in on her and her mom and say goodbye. JJ walked me out to my car and we stood there for a while just kissing and her crying on my shoulder. I felt so bad leaving her. As I got in my car she grabbed my arm and pulled me towards her once more...and said to me" David, I want you to know I love you with all my heart and no matter what happens between us I will always love you". I was alittle confused by this statment, and said, "whats going to happen"?..Nothing she said, I just think its imprortant you know how much I love you! I promised her I would call her when I got home, as she worries about me driving.
I left, didnt really think to much more about what she said, I figured there was no sense reading to much into words. I called her when I got home, I got her voicemail and left a message that I was home and I loved her.
I didnt hear back from her until around 10PM, I got a text message saying she got my voicemail and that she missed me and she would call me in the morning.
Monday came and went, I sent her a few texts, asked if everything was ok...never heard back from her.
Tuesday she was supposed to come back home to see her kids for a few days, but I got a text from her saying she needed to stay out there until wednesday, and she would talk to me later. I text her back and asked if everything was ok? No answer. I sent her a text about an hour later telling her "I love you". No answer. This seemed very odd..there has never been a time since we started telling each other that we were in love that she never responded to that type of text from me..I would usually get a text back saying something like..awww I love you to David! I love you very much!...Ok no big deal, I realize she is under alot of stress there and her mind isnt really on me right now.
Wednesday comes and goes, I called, left a voicemail, sent several texts...no answer. I tried calling her wednesday night, left another message...no response.. I got one text message Wed night around 11, saying "Im home, sorry..bad day".
I text her back, ok call me tommarrow please I really want to hear your voice. No answer back.
Thursady came and went..no phone calls, no texts from her. Friday I am starting to get nervous..this is weird. not like her to blow me off..She wouldnt answer her cell phone or my text messages.
Saturday morning she calls finally! Says shes sorry, things are really crazy and she is heading back to Boston. Ok, I said, we talk for a few more minutes and the she says, "I will call you when I get out there"..Ok I say. I love you!....she says nothing....very weird.
I got a text around 4PM saying she was there and going to the hospital. I said..ok, and then asked her if she was ok...I got a message back saying..Yeah...I guess..
Sunday..didnt hear from her all day. I left her alone..
Tuesday...I sent several texts, no answer...tried to call...left a voicemail..no response from her.
Wednesday she calls my cell while I was at work and left me a very weird message-" Hi David its JJ, Listen I dont think its a good idea if you come out this weekend I just need to be alone and think about things..I am a mess right now..ok...I dont know if I can keep doing this to you it seems so unfair to drag you into my messy life right now and I dont want to hurt you. I love you but I think its best if we break things off right now until I figure things out...I am sorry...this is soo hard on me..(she starts crying)I will talk to you again soon..bye"
I didnt know what to make of that message..she seemed so distant so cold..I couldnt call her back because I was at work..I called as soon as I got out of work, and left her a message.. JJ, please call me back, I dont want to break up..I want to be there for you! Dont do this...lets talk ok please call me back..No response from her.
Thursday, Friday, and Saturday I havent heard from her at all...nothing.. I have only sent her 2 messages..one asking her what was going on, the second saying I would give her space and to please call me....
I finally got a text from her last monday night...saying "Im home for a few days, mom isnt doing well, this is so hard on me. I am so tired ok.
I text her back and asked her if I could come over and be with her...I got a text back saying."No"....
I asked her "what do you want me to do JJ, I am very confused right now, I love you and care for you so much and you are pushing me away and I'm not sure what to do"
She text me back" David, do what you want to do. I dont want to talk about it"
Ok, I am here if you need me, please dont push me away JJ I said.
She sent me back a very short message that said" David everything I have told you is true but you are too much for me right now.I don't love you anmore.nothing more to say"
I havent heard from her since..I am crushed, and devistated, and yet kinda understand what she is going thru..Her mom is dying and she is under extreme emotional stress..I know a relationship is too much to handle right now but why tell me she doesnt love me anymore? Why hurt me so? We could have clearly taken a step back and just been friends for awhile and I could have been there for her as a friend. Why ruin everything? A part of me kinda hates her for the way she hurt me..and apart of me doesnt believe what she says. I think she still loves me but its too hard to deal with right now and maybe breaking things off with me completely is easier..
I guess I am looking for some advice and support right now.. Do i continue to try and contact her? Or walk away completely? Honestly I dont know if I can walk away completely..I fell so in love with her and theres no closure to our relationship..I'm sorry this so long, I feel better just writing about it and any help our advice on what to do hear would be great!