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Old 03-11-2010, 01:00 AM   #1
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HELP. MY FIL MIL living with us. please any suggestion. APPRECIATE IT.

My father-in-law and my mothe-inlaw are staying with us for 5 years.
I don't want them to live with us because of a lot of reasons.
First, they started to move in my house last five year ago. My wife told me that they were going to stay with us for a few months. However,they didn't move out.
They came from third world country and they live in my house as if they live in the third world country. They don't understand how to live in the United States. They picked up a lot of stuffs on the street that some people threw away, and brought back to my house. They are really messy and their room is like a garbage. They threw away the garbage wherever they want to. They messed up my dining room, living room, etc. They spit their saliva wherever they want to around the house (on the carpet, etc). I don't really like it.

They never paid the rent at all for over five years. If I am rich, I don't mind. However, I am the guy who get minimum wage. I can barely pay for my own mortgage. I think they should help us out. They destroyed my very expensive electronic stuffs that I bought. They used all my stuffs and destroyed it. They don't know how to handle the electronics and other expensive stuffs. They are really messy and unorganized.

Now, they brought their another children( over twenty years old -two children). Their children are also like them and they are from third world country. Their children are illegally staying in my house(NOT A LEGAL ALIEN, so they cannot work). They don't pay for rent and for food. I don't want them to live in my house. I tried to educate them, but they don't listen. They are trying to attack me and yelling at me. I told them "please do not use my stuff if I don't allow" . They don't care what I said. They said "who cares...I used it..so what? what do you want to do? they chALLENGE me.

I lost over $2000 when my wife and I were on vacation. I put it in my bed room and locked it. Nobody live in my house. Only four people live in our house - My wife, my father in law, mother in law and me. As soon as I came from my vacation, I realized that something is wrong in my bedroom which I locked in. When I asked them, they said they broke into my bedroom and they called some of their friends and fixed the internet.

My wife and I bought the house after we get married. Of course, my wife wants to stay with their parents. I don't want to hurt my wife's feeling. I understand she really love her parents.

However, nobody can understand me as my point of view. I don't want them to live with us. I tried to tell them "please rent to another apartment and move out". They don't listen. They don't care whatever I said. My wife doesn't listen.

Now, all I have to do is move out of my house and divorce my wife.
I tried to explain million times to my wife. She didn't listen. She want to live with her parents. It is very understandable. However, I cannot understand her parents. They live in my house. They eat my food. They used my stuffs(bed, matress, pants,computer, tv, every kind of stuff) and THEY are yelling at me and trying to control my house.

What should I do ? any suggestion.
I want to do it by law . any legal advice.
Should I hire the lawyer? I don't want to waste my money on lawyer.
I wish anybody out there who understand the law can help me out. thanks.
Which is the best website/forum for my problem ?

 
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Old 03-11-2010, 06:46 AM   #2
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Re: HELP. MY FIL MIL living with us. please any suggestion. APPRECIATE IT.

wow what a mess.....does your wife work?
are you the only one bringing income into the household?
I'd sell the house, give your wife her half and part ways.....unless she wants to buy you out for your half.....

 
Old 03-11-2010, 08:46 AM   #3
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Re: HELP. MY FIL MIL living with us. please any suggestion. APPRECIATE IT.

Five years? Spitting on the carpet? Unbelievable and unthinkable...Divorce your wife and her family and run! The longer this goes on, the harder it will be for you to get out. Take control of your own life, rather than giving them one bit of it. You could legally evict them, which takes some time, clean up the house and sell it while you are waiting for the final divorce.

 
Old 03-11-2010, 09:29 AM   #4
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Re: HELP. MY FIL MIL living with us. please any suggestion. APPRECIATE IT.

If they have been that hard on your house, chances are you wouldnt get anything for it and you might end up in debt if you were to try and sell it. i would willingly sign the whole works over to your wife and get a divorce. Then I'd get myself a small bachelor pad, a dog, and call it a lesson learned. Good luck to you.
Melissa

 
Old 03-11-2010, 09:49 AM   #5
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Re: HELP. MY FIL MIL living with us. please any suggestion. APPRECIATE IT.

Quote:
Originally Posted by supersour View Post
....


What should I do ? any suggestion.
I want to do it by law . any legal advice.
Should I hire the lawyer? I don't want to waste my money on lawyer.
I wish anybody out there who understand the law can help me out. thanks.
Which is the best website/forum for my problem ?
The idea of renting another place for these people seems to be the best plan. The problem is that your wife doesn't want to listen to you. I am afraid she is giving more importance to her parents than to her own marriage. It is high time you lived your life as a couple alone. This is not fair for anyone here, not even for her parents.

Try to talk to her again. Don't scream. Try to have an adult conversation with her, possibly outdoors or in another environment, not in the house. Explain to her how you feel about it and the real risks to your marriage being imposed by her elders, possibly inadvertently. Perhaps they are to blame, but try not to describe their behaviour in very rude or harsh terms. Don't criticize them too much. Just remind her that they, too, need a place of their own, and you want to feel the freedom of being in your own home with external interference.

Good luck.

Last edited by pendulum; 03-11-2010 at 09:50 AM.

 
Old 03-11-2010, 11:02 AM   #6
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Re: HELP. MY FIL MIL living with us. please any suggestion. APPRECIATE IT.

I would also sign the house over to her 100% and leave. From what you have described, it will be very hard to sell it. Do yourself a huge favor and leave now, let HER deal with trying to sell it after her gross parents trashed the place. That's just nasty, spitting on the floor inside the house?? What are they, a bunch of savages?!

 
Old 03-11-2010, 11:04 AM   #7
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Re: HELP. MY FIL MIL living with us. please any suggestion. APPRECIATE IT.

And another thing, if any of those people are in the country illegally, you have an obligation to report them to Immigration and have them deported!

 
Old 03-11-2010, 11:23 AM   #8
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Re: HELP. MY FIL MIL living with us. please any suggestion. APPRECIATE IT.

Hiring a lawyer would not be a waste of money. You need legal help, at least advice. Go online and look up "family law facilitator". Just about every county courhouse has a free to the public lawyer for family law advice.

This situation is not good for your mental health. You wife has clearly chosen her parents over the well being of your marriage.

Start seeking help, then tell your wife you simply can not live in this situation any longer. Either her family gets another place or YOU will. Your wife can join you, but not her family.

I wish you the very best. Keep us posted.

 
Old 03-11-2010, 02:06 PM   #9
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Re: HELP. MY FIL MIL living with us. please any suggestion. APPRECIATE IT.

Quote:
Originally Posted by pendulum View Post
The idea of renting another place for these people seems to be the best plan. The problem is that your wife doesn't want to listen to you. I am afraid she is giving more importance to her parents than to her own marriage. It is high time you lived your life as a couple alone. This is not fair for anyone here, not even for her parents.

Try to talk to her again. Don't scream. Try to have an adult conversation with her, possibly outdoors or in another environment, not in the house. Explain to her how you feel about it and the real risks to your marriage being imposed by her elders, possibly inadvertently. Perhaps they are to blame, but try not to describe their behaviour in very rude or harsh terms. Don't criticize them too much. Just remind her that they, too, need a place of their own, and you want to feel the freedom of being in your own home with external interference.

Good luck.
Thanks for your advice. My wife and I are working. I have been working hard for a long time (5-7 days a week). Finally, I quit working because I feel like a slave for those people.
Your advice is very professional. Spitting problem is not like every second. But I couldn't stand anymore and it is digusting.

One time, We went to the casino and he spitted again on the carpet. The casino owner came in and talked to me because he did not understand English. The casino owner said "tell your father,do not spit on the carpet or they have to call the security." He argued he didn't spit the whole load of saliva. But, there is a whole bunch of cameras in the casino.

 
Old 03-11-2010, 02:14 PM   #10
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Re: HELP. MY FIL MIL living with us. please any suggestion. APPRECIATE IT.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rosequartz View Post
wow what a mess.....does your wife work?
are you the only one bringing income into the household?
I'd sell the house, give your wife her half and part ways.....unless she wants to buy you out for your half.....
my wife and I are working. She has a good job. I worked very hard.
However, I feel like a slave and I feel like I work for the whole family. I married only one person and not everyone.

I worked very hard. I want to take a rest after I came back home. However, I feel more tired when I see all messes like garbage.

 
Old 03-11-2010, 02:22 PM   #11
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Re: HELP. MY FIL MIL living with us. please any suggestion. APPRECIATE IT.

Quote:
Originally Posted by writeleft View Post
Five years? Spitting on the carpet? Unbelievable and unthinkable...Divorce your wife and her family and run! The longer this goes on, the harder it will be for you to get out. Take control of your own life, rather than giving them one bit of it. You could legally evict them, which takes some time, clean up the house and sell it while you are waiting for the final divorce.
He is not spitting every sec. However, when I was eating or doing something, he spitted. It is very disgusting. When I told them they don't like it. It is their habbits. He spitted in the restaurant, casino, mall, etc.

I always consider both point of view which is my side and their side. If I were her parents, I would have felt upset. However, I would never do that kind of problems.

I don't know why they don't consider it is not good for long term relationship.
If they rent another apartment, they can live whatever they want. They can live freely.

I called the police and said there is nothing they can do. They said I should hire the lawyer. I don't want to go the court, wasting time and money on lawyer.

 
Old 03-11-2010, 02:28 PM   #12
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Re: HELP. MY FIL MIL living with us. please any suggestion. APPRECIATE IT.

If they are illegals you have to report them to the INS and end of the problem for you, is your moral obligation is that is the situation, they don't have to know you did it.

 
Old 03-11-2010, 02:30 PM   #13
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Re: HELP. MY FIL MIL living with us. please any suggestion. APPRECIATE IT.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kszan View Post
And another thing, if any of those people are in the country illegally, you have an obligation to report them to Immigration and have them deported!
Thanks for your advice. I understand they want to live in the United States. Although I don't want to report it, I just reported it now. I reported for their children. I don't know what Immigration would do. I couldn't report to USCIS because they are legal alien.
I cannot charge with any home invasion because they are my wife's parents. They tried to attack me last time [ They used my oven and broke it and put it like a garbage (all messes in my garage), I said "please do not use it if I don't allow." They said " I used so what? what do you want to do? want to fight? They tried to attack me, however, they did not punch me or touch my body]. If they attack me and touch my body, I will not attack them back. I will report to the police for assault.

 
Old 03-11-2010, 02:46 PM   #14
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Re: HELP. MY FIL MIL living with us. please any suggestion. APPRECIATE IT.

Quote:
Originally Posted by supersour View Post
I don't want to go the court, wasting time and money on lawyer.
May I ask why you think this would be a waste? You need to start somewhere and legal advice would be a good start! there are places you can go for free legal advice. And then if you have to hire a lawyer, wouldnt it be worth it?

I really feel for you in your situation. I hope you find help soon. It sounds unbearable.

 
Old 03-11-2010, 02:47 PM   #15
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Re: HELP. MY FIL MIL living with us. please any suggestion. APPRECIATE IT.

please note that my wife's mother is a breast cancer patient. That is the reason I don't want to call police. I don't want to do it. I don't want to hurt my wife's feeling. If I forced them to leave, I have to be a heartless person. and what kind of person would I be ? However, I don't really want to live with them. That is the wrost problem of my life.

When I see all the messes everyday, I feel upset and I got headache.

 
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