What do you think of them? Do they tend to be bad news or can it be passed off in a light-heated manner? I visited my boyfriend and his family for Spring Break and he is SUCH a Mama's boy - constantly wanting to hang around her, not letting her do things by herself, complaining that he doesn't live near here (we live a state away), saying things like "I'm not gonna make her go alone, I'm her baby boy" when she was gonna go do something by herself. It kinda started to make me feel... weird. Not jealous like I would be of another woman our age, but kind of just taken aback that he seems so dependent on her and is constantly referring to himself as "her baby boy" (he's 23, she's 50). I called him a Mama's Boy as a joke and he got super-defensive and said "I'm not but if I was I don't think there's anything wrong with that!!!" Is this just something to laugh off? Have you had any problems with guys like this and if so, in what ways?
Thanks
-Dig
My gut tells me that it's kinda weird, but I'm not sure how much it will actually affect our relationship. I only ever even noticed it when I was actually with the both of them. It does feel like he has two girlfriends though sometimes. Oddly, my boyfriend's parents actually got divorced partly because his mother was jealous of his father's relationship with his own mother. She moved to be near them when her husband of 50 years or so died and my boyfriend's mom thought she was stealing away her husband's time and attention. Boyfriend's father found that extremely selfish and got a divorce... so I don't want to end up like that either.
Edit: That may have sounded really confusing. Basically, my boyfriend's mother was jealous of my boyfriend's grandmother on my boyfriend's father's side.
I had a problem with a boy one time being too attatched to the father. It was so......bizarre. Like what your saying. He would go to any lengths to please his father.....including yet not limited to taking food from my house to give to his dad so that his dad didnt have to pay as much for food. It did nothing but get worse from there and eventually, I realized this probably wasnt a relationship I was comfortable with. Between sports which were on 24/7, and daddy, he never had time for me. And he even told me that no man in their right mind would chose a woman over sports. And he chose daddy over that.....so just goes to show you where I ranked. On the other hand, I'm a single mom of 3 sons, and very selfishly, I hope they all remain a little bit of mommas boys. I cant stand the thought of not being important to them........even though I know this is very wrong. Good luck to you.
Melissa
If you live a state away, how often do you and he have contact with his mom?
If this was just one visit, I would probably chalk it up to him showing off how close he and his mother are. He has probably heard that how a man treats his mother is a good measure of now good a man he is. Or, he might be reassuring his mom that she is still #1, even while he is away in college, and has a girlfriend. He might be overcompensating for having you visiting the folks with him.
If this is only an issue during spring break, I would not put too much weight on it. Do you know if he had had girlfriends come home with him before?
I think it is a good sign when a young man shows his mother love and respect, short of being weird! It could easily get awkward for you, I can see that. If he is a good guy, I would not put too much into the mama boy thing...
I wouldn't actually think that him wanting to do stuff for his mom as a momma's boy ...I would be more inclined to call him that if his mom called the shots and told him what to do or not to do. He might think he needs to be the one to take care of her? but the fact that he is in another state tells me that mom is ok with him being away from her and who know she may not like all his attention. You were there at the family gathering how were they together? A true momma's boy would be still home at 23 and doing whatever mom wanted him to do. But it doesn't make him any less strange and for him to speak about her all the time in terms of always being there for her is a bit strange and he truly might need some mental health therapy to get over his obvious his affection for mom. But if you two have a healthy sex life perhaps he is just lonesome from mom...and where is dad in all of this? I think I would not be putting too much into this relationship until I understood his relationship with mom. Maybe just engage him in a long conversation about his growing up years might reveal what he is thinking.
I think it depends on the degree of his desire to care for Mom. If he loves her and wants to make her happy and respects her, but with healthy boundaries, it can be a good thing. But if he allows her to run his life that would different.
Like if he allowed her opinions to run his personal life etc. Especially if you were to marry him, and he let mom get inbetween you, as if they are team against you. When I was married, I used to let my mom get inbetween my husband and I and I know it forced a wedge between us. Couples have to be a team, and as much as a mama's boy loves his mom and cares for her, he needs to set boundaries and put his relationships first if he is to be successful in one. JMO!
