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Old 03-20-2010, 09:54 AM   #1
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exes are evil

a few weeks ago my bf and i were in the keys, and his ex texted him (they really dont talk anymore) because she wanted to finally get all her crap out of his house which was mainly in his garage.

just last week my bf was over my house and he actually left his phone on my table while he was down my parents house (i was at my house alone studying). he has been having probs with his phone, and im a little more tech-savy than him, so i thought i would have a go. so i had to open up his text messages (which i was not spying. ive never really been a jealous one) and i happened to see a more recent one from his ex. this made me curious, so i read it. it said something to the extent of ''someone sent me a pic of your current gf (which is a lie b/c she probably saw our pics all over his house) and you really look like you are settling. she sent about 6 other messages or so telling him there are other fish in the sea, etc. my bf really didnt respond to her, and i checked his phone to see if he had called her (and he did not).

they were together for five years. she is 50ish and he is 34. i have seen a pic of her, and she is really not pretty. she looks her age and is not in good shape. i am sure my bf had his reasons for being with her, but he broke up with her for many reasons and his family thought she wasnt good enough for him.

the bottom line is i am really hurt and angry that his ex would say that. sounds very immature for her age too. despite what she said, i am very pretty, athletic, and people think i should be a model (im not trying to sounds conceited but i think a lot of what she said is stemming from jealous and poor self-esteem).

anyway i confronted my bf about it, and he was really upset with her. he said he really didnt say anything back to her because he really didnt want to deal with her. he was not defensive in anyway and of course he gave me a million reasons why he loves me

anyway i just worried that this wont be the end of her. i love my bf very much but IF he ever cheated on me, he is a dead man and we are done. i just really wish i could give her a piece of me. im trying to let this go but i have so much pent up anger.

 
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Old 03-20-2010, 10:03 AM   #2
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Re: exes are evil

You have him. She doesn't. Don't worry about her jealous, insecure rants. After all, what does she have that you want? Nothing.

Don't bother.
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Old 03-20-2010, 10:55 AM   #3
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Re: exes are evil

If she read what you just said about her, I'm sure it would hurt her just as badly, probably much more.

Women seem to always want all the women their man was involved with in the past to just drop off the face of the earth and disappear. Real life just ain't that way.

I agree with Redneon. You have youth, beauty, and him. This woman loved this man, and didn't get to have the future she was dreaming about because she was deemed "not good enough." She's in her 50s and will most likely never meet another man worth having. The dating pool is nothing but a shallow little puddle too small for even mosquitos to hatch eggs in when you hit that age. She will most likely never know love again and will die alone. What do her feelings about you have to do with you? Nothing. No need to get yourself all bent out of shape about her. Your boyfriend dumped her and is now with you. You've won. That should be enough. Of course she's going to lash out. she's alone, scared and in pain. But it will only come between you and your boyfriend if you let it get to you.

 
Old 03-20-2010, 12:47 PM   #4
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Re: exes are evil

I agree and I agree. Not much more to say other then, dont let it get to you. She's jealous, and it is a very immature move. Do you want to hang out with her? of course not, and neither does your boyfriend, so dont worry about it.

 
Old 03-20-2010, 01:51 PM   #5
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Re: exes are evil

Quote:
Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
If she read what you just said about her, I'm sure it would hurt her just as badly, probably much more.

Women seem to always want all the women their man was involved with in the past to just drop off the face of the earth and disappear. Real life just ain't that way.

I agree with Redneon. You have youth, beauty, and him. This woman loved this man, and didn't get to have the future she was dreaming about because she was deemed "not good enough." She's in her 50s and will most likely never meet another man worth having. The dating pool is nothing but a shallow little puddle too small for even mosquitos to hatch eggs in when you hit that age. She will most likely never know love again and will die alone. What do her feelings about you have to do with you? Nothing. No need to get yourself all bent out of shape about her. Your boyfriend dumped her and is now with you. You've won. That should be enough. Of course she's going to lash out. she's alone, scared and in pain. But it will only come between you and your boyfriend if you let it get to you.
i really appreciate what you have to say, but it shouldn't entitle her to feel like she can try to start problems. apparently my bf used to have a thing for blonde-hair and larger breasted women, which i am neither. she said she didnt understand why then he was with me. come on, that's how girls behave in high school.

 
Old 03-20-2010, 02:18 PM   #6
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Re: exes are evil

Quote:
Originally Posted by prettiestpon View Post
i really appreciate what you have to say, but it shouldn't entitle her to feel like she can try to start problems. apparently my bf used to have a thing for blonde-hair and larger breasted women, which i am neither. she said she didnt understand why then he was with me. come on, that's how girls behave in high school.
No, nothing entitles her to do anything to you guys. I'm just saying, her status in this situation is so small that her words or actions, unless she's breaking into your house and boiling your bunny, can't really have any impact at all unless you let them. Many times in life, we will encounter people who for one reason or another want to mess with us and get under our skin and cause us pain. Some in positions of power or who really have some kind influence, must be dealt with, but others, like people who give you the bird for a driving infraction THEY made, or like this woman, don't really matter. We can't control someone else's actions, but we can control how we react to it.

 
Old 03-20-2010, 03:57 PM   #7
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Re: exes are evil

You can complain about how she's not "entitiled" to try to interfere in your relationship all you want, but that's not going to make her stop. And giving her "a piece" of you is just going to show her that she DOES have power to make you feel jealous and insecure.

My ex's current girlfriend has forbidden him to speak to me and has promised to give me "sh__" if I ever try to speak to him. All that shows me is that she views me as a threat and she's afraid he may still have feelings for me (I don't speak to him BTW, I couldn't care less about him).

Your latest post sounds like you might be afraid she's right and that he isn't really attracted to you. Are you? Because really, if you don't see her as a threat then you should just be able to write it off as the jealous rant of a woman who was dumped.
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Old 03-20-2010, 05:13 PM   #8
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Re: exes are evil

again, I agree, and I agree. This person is in the past. Who cares what she thinks. She can try to interfere with your relationship but so far has she been successful? You said yourself your boyfriend didn't even say anything back to her. He's over it, so if I were you, I would get over it too........not that there is anything to get over here. I mean honestly. And btw.......the best revenge towards someone who is trying to bring you down to their level is living well and being happy. Let it go!
Melissa

 
Old 03-21-2010, 12:16 PM   #9
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Re: exes are evil

Quote:
Originally Posted by Larrylou'smom View Post
No, nothing entitles her to do anything to you guys. I'm just saying, her status in this situation is so small that her words or actions, unless she's breaking into your house and boiling your bunny, can't really have any impact at all unless you let them. Many times in life, we will encounter people who for one reason or another want to mess with us and get under our skin and cause us pain. Some in positions of power or who really have some kind influence, must be dealt with, but others, like people who give you the bird for a driving infraction THEY made, or like this woman, don't really matter. We can't control someone else's actions, but we can control how we react to it.
i think what really is bothering me is that despite taking all of her belongings, she didn't leave behind his key. hopefully this won't turn into fatal attraction lol.

 
Old 03-21-2010, 12:21 PM   #10
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Re: exes are evil

Quote:
Originally Posted by Redneon82 View Post
You can complain about how she's not "entitiled" to try to interfere in your relationship all you want, but that's not going to make her stop. And giving her "a piece" of you is just going to show her that she DOES have power to make you feel jealous and insecure.

My ex's current girlfriend has forbidden him to speak to me and has promised to give me "sh__" if I ever try to speak to him. All that shows me is that she views me as a threat and she's afraid he may still have feelings for me (I don't speak to him BTW, I couldn't care less about him).

Your latest post sounds like you might be afraid she's right and that he isn't really attracted to you. Are you? Because really, if you don't see her as a threat then you should just be able to write it off as the jealous rant of a woman who was dumped.
I am 100% pos my bf is attracted to me. I guess I am just a little paranoid that she will keep 'trying him' b/c she conveniently forgot to return his key when she took her belongings

 
Old 03-21-2010, 06:42 PM   #11
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Re: exes are evil

I really wouldnt worry about this. Your boyfriend didn't even reply to her messages. My guess is if she actually had the nerve to sneak into his apartment one night, he'd tell her to go first thing. He returned her things and it sounds like he is fine with it all being over. Dont let this get to you. Ever hear of the phrase, "what we fear, we create"? Well it basically means that when we allow ouselves to become paranoid of a situation, we actually create a scenario where it is more likely to happen. For example, your completely afraid of getting into a car accident. So everytime you get in a car, your yelling at the kids to be quiet, white knuckled, turning every 10 sec to see if there are any cars near you, and BAM!!!! you didnt see the the light turn red in front of you and rear end a car. The theory is the same in matters of the heart. You are afraid of your boyfriend going back to his ex, so you start hounding him, snooping, and accusing at him everytime it pops into your head. All of a sudden, your not so much fun anymore to him and the ex doesnt look so bad. Got it? Sooooooo, just relax. There are no red flags on your boyfriends behalf, he chose you, just be happy with that and leave it alone.
Melissa

 
Old 03-22-2010, 09:20 AM   #12
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Re: exes are evil

Quote:
Originally Posted by justmel30 View Post
I really wouldnt worry about this. Your boyfriend didn't even reply to her messages. My guess is if she actually had the nerve to sneak into his apartment one night, he'd tell her to go first thing. He returned her things and it sounds like he is fine with it all being over. Dont let this get to you. Ever hear of the phrase, "what we fear, we create"? Well it basically means that when we allow ouselves to become paranoid of a situation, we actually create a scenario where it is more likely to happen. For example, your completely afraid of getting into a car accident. So everytime you get in a car, your yelling at the kids to be quiet, white knuckled, turning every 10 sec to see if there are any cars near you, and BAM!!!! you didnt see the the light turn red in front of you and rear end a car. The theory is the same in matters of the heart. You are afraid of your boyfriend going back to his ex, so you start hounding him, snooping, and accusing at him everytime it pops into your head. All of a sudden, your not so much fun anymore to him and the ex doesnt look so bad. Got it? Sooooooo, just relax. There are no red flags on your boyfriends behalf, he chose you, just be happy with that and leave it alone.
Melissa
Thanks a lot for your advice. I am going to try and not worry so much anymore and stop potentially looking for things to be wrong.

 
Old 03-22-2010, 09:40 AM   #13
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Re: exes are evil

Definitely do not worry about the 50+ ex

My ex-fiancee had a crazy ex. When she found out me and him were dating... she started texthing him like crazy. I think she asked my descent and he told her I was interracial and that I moved to SC from Japan. (they have a daughter together so that changes the situation a bit)

Anyways, she texted him out of the blue saying.... YOU KNOW THOSE GIRLS (I guess referring to Japanese women, or ME) DONT SHAVE THEIR LEGS RIGHT?! I DIED laughing... Exes can get petty! She knew I was pretty (I dont mean that in a conceited way) but when I met her face to face, she could not even look at me. I also caught her eyeing me... probably trying to find something she can criticize and bring to his attention. It was hilarious tho. They are simply insecure and bothered that the man they used to be with is with another gal c'mon think about it! In their case, my man dumped her so that is definitely a slap to her face. she tried numerous times to get with him but you just have to not worry about stuff like that

 
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