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itp78 03-21-2010 08:03 AM

Good neighbors gone bad!!!
 
We have lived next to a couple about are age for 4 years. When we first moved in they were great to talk with and we spent many time having cookouts and going out for diner with them. After about 2years they would make plans with us and wouldn't show up, not even a phone call. They were invited to are sons birthday party and said they would be there. They never showed up or even called to let us know they couldn't make it. This last week they wanted to get together with us and go out for diner. They called and said they would call me on my cell phone and meet us for diner. Then they called and said they would call and just meet us for drinks. They never called us back. We made plans for a sitter and went out expecting to meet them and they never showed up or called. We were irritated and are feelings were hurt. This has happened too many times before and don't understand why they do this to us. We began to question ourselves and wonder if we're the one with a problem. I don't understand how people can be sooo hurtful.

starryGal09 03-21-2010 09:22 AM

Re: Good neighbors gone bad!!!
 
I know! Made friends with a new neighbor across the street. Have had no problems with any around me. I went to all of her goofy buy stuff from me type parties and bought stuff.
Invited her and some niece or nephew over to swim in my pool and she was very put off that I made her think it was a "built in" pool when actually it was an above ground and yes, she actually said this to me.

I was like :eek: Then go away woman. She cooled it with me after that and no more invites for me to her "buy stuff from me" parties. Then she divorced from her husband and that's the last I heard from her.

Just maybe cut off with them. There is no excuse for rudeness. What they are doing is just plain rude. How would THEY like it? I'll bet they'd be all over you about it and stop speaking to you all together. Maybe this is the plan?
Get new ones. Throw the old/bad ones away!! Life's too short to even be around losers like them!!

justmel30 03-21-2010 11:31 AM

Re: Good neighbors gone bad!!!
 
I would definately not confront them or anything, but from now on, if they invite, I would just politely say you have plans. Either that, or tell them you would like to if they actually show up this time......but not in a mean sassy way. The last thing you want to do is make enemies with your neighbors. I have a pair right now who are really into driving their 4 wheelers accross my land and tearing it up. They think because we live in the country, and I own a lot of land, that it shouldnt matter. But it does! arggggg! And fighting with them is getting old and I'm ready to pack my bags and move over it all. Sounds to me like this is just habit for your neighbors and my guess is they treat everyone like that. And I definately wouldnt take it to heart like there is something wrong with you, they are the ones who are inconsiderate. And it does hurt. I imagine it's kinda like being stood up for a date. You get all done up, your ready to go, and nobody shows. Some people just suck! Like I said, It's fine to still chit chat in a neighborly fashion, but I wouldnt count on them for anything and I certainly wouldnt make plans.

resolution09 03-21-2010 12:44 PM

Re: Good neighbors gone bad!!!
 
I agree that you should just let things cool off, no confrontation. I wonder if there's something more going on with them and, if there is, you don't want to be in the middle of it.

I hate to say this but it's a good learning experience. I personally have found it's best to be casual friends with neighbors, not a lot more. If they go south you are stuck.

AnnD 03-21-2010 01:50 PM

Re: Good neighbors gone bad!!!
 
I guess the 'friendship' ran its course and it is over so I certainly would not include them in any future plans. Perhaps they think it's okay to let someone wait on them or gosh who knows what others think unless you ask...I personally could care less...they are rude and that would be the end period. This is the reason I do not get to know any of my neighbors anymore. I have lived in 4 states and many neighborhoods and probably many more to come so Been there done that and it never turns out good. Neighbors tend to gossip about each other so i just as soon stick to ourselves and let them think what they want just as long as they keep me out of it.

nobodyknows 03-21-2010 03:03 PM

Re: Good neighbors gone bad!!!
 
starrygal your story about the pool is funny:)

itp,
i think it is either just rudeness on their part, or there is something going on in their personal life that they won't want to disclose to you. either way just politely move on with no hard feelings & no confrontation. i understand your feelings are hurt but hurt feelings are nothing compared to how ugly things can get between neighbors.

aleksia 03-21-2010 08:14 PM

Re: Good neighbors gone bad!!!
 
They are very rude and I would not make any plans with them in the future. Be polite, but stay away from them. I bet that you are not the only ones who they are doing this to. They are probably flakey with everybody, that's just who they are.

digmusic 03-21-2010 10:00 PM

Re: Good neighbors gone bad!!!
 
I have a tendency to flake, or I used to, and I can tell you it usually had nothing to do with the other person. I usually had personal stuff going on and was too passive to be upfront about it. I also never wanted to say no to people who asked me to do things so I always said yes and then realized later I really didn't want to, sometimes just because I was depressed, but I really did love the friend who asked me to do something. It's definitely a bad trait to have but I highly doubt it's you.

Belly Kelly 03-22-2010 05:10 AM

Re: Good neighbors gone bad!!!
 
dig, you got a point but you have also suffered from substance abuse which caused you to make poor decisions in your situation.

itp78 -I would not be able to ignore this if I were in this situation, so I recommend saying to your neighbors, "what happened to you guys...we were waiting for you...." I mean, this happens a lot, but is it possible they got into a car accident or some other emergency occurred this time around?

Other than that, write them off and make plans with other friends. These friends obviously have no respect for your time! (assuming all is well in their life).

itp78 03-25-2010 04:22 PM

Re: Good neighbors gone bad!!!
 
Thanks for all the thoughts. Kelly, no there was no emergency. My neighbor even asked me what we did that night. I played it down and said we went out for dinner. My wife and I believe this is a pattern. They get real close to people. Help with kids and community efforts and then move to the next victims. We have noticed others they have been friends with stop going to there house and then they start to bad mouth them. I wonder what they have said about us? I think the Mrs. has commitment issues, control issues and panic issues. Time for politeness and we will be cordial. No more dinner dates. I think it says something when I have helped them with yard work and I get no thanks in return.

EagleRiverDee 03-25-2010 04:50 PM

Re: Good neighbors gone bad!!!
 
I had a friend that used to cancel on me 9 out of every 10 times that we scheduled time with each other. That was whether I invited her or she invited me. It didn't matter.

I finally told her that I was no longer interested in trying to get together, that she didn't respect my time enough to show up and I was tired of being cancelled on or showing up only to eat alone.

She was very apologetic and we did once meet up after that but the relationship never recovered and I never see her anymore. The way I see it, if people make plans with you and never show up or call, don't make plans again. Life is too short and there are people out there who will respect your time and not be rude to you.


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