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Old 03-21-2010, 03:28 PM   #1
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Getting over dreams involving ex and new boyfriend...

Hi All,

New to this forum and recently out of a long-term (nearly 2 year) relationship. She was my first love and I am well aware of all the problems associated with the first break-up. Since the break-up was fresh (only 1 1/2 months ago), I do still think about her, although I have been doing better suppressing the thoughts and feelings, esp. by hanging out with old friends, both guys and girls. Our break-up was relatively mutual; we both realized that we were getting too stressed with our lives, and although we don't live far apart, we don't attend the same school nor do we have the same major (she's studying graphic design at a community college and I'm an EE at a local state university). We didn't have much time together and towards the end our problems just caused us to argue all the time without proper resolution. I would have liked to try and work out our problems by taking a hiatus to rediscover our selves individually, but she felt she was too young to be tied down and wanted to try new things. Unfortunately, I can't relate too much for I am old fashioned and truly felt a strong emotional bond w/ her- in fact, at one point, both of us were considering marriage in the long-term. I too however realize that I am young, and so I am choosing to move on, albeit with the intentions of staying in contact with her with the hopes that maybe one day we can reconnect. I realize this will lengthen the moving-on process, which I know is dumb, but at the same time it is very painful and too time consuming to put forth the effort to completely sever ties, esp. with school and work. I am however refraining from contacting her for at least a couple of months. So, with a little bit of my background exposed, here is my main problem: when she said she wanted to try new things, she meant it. A new guy entered her life and immediately asked her out not after a week we broke up, which she initially refused since she knew she wasn't ready. However, in an effort to not maintain contact, I didn't know about this at first. I didn't know until roughly a month after our breakup, I started having very VERY painful dreams of her with a new man...not sexually, but just romantically. It became overbearing and I had to contact her and coincidentally enough, the dreams actually did coincide with him asking her out a second time, and this time, she accepted. I'm not going to come to any conclusions on this second relationship, although I wouldn't mind hearing some older, wiser opinions (is it a rebound, or is she truly ready?) but I will say that in the last call, she was clearly distressed over the excitement of a new guy (who is supposedly completely different from me) and her old feelings for me. I don't know what to do about this, so I'm just sitting back and focusing on improving myself-- I honestly feel like we had the kind of relationship that would have lasted had our situations been different and that once we're older and realize what our priorities are in life, we could potentially start dating again, but I'm not riding on that hope. I am trying my best to move on, but here is my main problem: I am now haunted by dreams of her telling me she slept with this new man and they have no basis. They are merely dreams, but because of what happened with my last set of dreams, I am ALWAYS distressed when I wake up from them. I had time over spring break to sort of avoid them by taking my mind off, but now that I have class and work again, I am very worried that they will begin to affect my grades and my studies. I don't know what to do with this situation (See a shrink?) and I would really like advice...and also any advice pertaining to my situation in general would help. Thanks in advance!

P.S. I'd also like to note that I unfortunately am one of those young folks who is out for love rather than casual dating, so unfortunately, that's not too much of an option for me.

 
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Old 03-22-2010, 12:16 PM   #2
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Re: Getting over dreams involving ex and new boyfriend...

Well, you can't control what she does and you can't control your dreams so you just have to deal with them. Don't go out of your way to find out what she is doing. Why torture yourself with knowing who she is going out with and what they are doing? It is none of your business.

We always dream about the things that are most on our minds. In time, when she is off of your mind, you won't dream about her or who she is with.

 
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