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Old 03-24-2010, 06:22 AM   #1
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A close friend has COMPLETELY fell off the face of the earth

A super close friend of mine fell off the face of the earth.

To make the long story short, he cheated on his gf with HER friend. Well his gf found out and she went berserk. She kicked him out of their home so he temporarily moved back in with his grandparents. We have always been super close and our friendship goes way back. He obviously called me and sought for advice. I told him that there was not much he can do. He can continue to pursue her and show her that he is terribly sorry but at the end of the day, the ball is in her court and she does not owe him anything.

Well apparently his angry GF called him and told him that the only way she can forgive him and get past the situation is if she goes and screws somebody else. uhmmm okay... so he was smart enough to tell her no, he was not accepting that. Well how about she calls again and this time she tells him that she would like to work on their relationship. she says she is mad at him however she still wants to be with him - he called and told me about this so I was very supportive and I told him that that was a good sign. This is where it gets crazy... While she does want to fix their relationship, he has to continue living with his grandparents and he cannot hang out with anybody for a month He has to be at home, all the time, on lock down while she runs around and does whatever -- I told him that was stupid and that made no sense whatsoever. He bought into this whole thing and explained to me that she does not trust him therefore, his butt should be at home and he cannot hang out/go out with any of his friends - please help me because I do not see the connection or the relevance.

It gets worse... he decides to visit her early one morning and apparently another guy was in their bedroom!!! Her response to him "you cant be mad at me." My friend wants to believe her bs so bad he even told me that she insisted she did not sleep with that other guy. My friend also feels its justified that his girl messed around with another man since he cheated on her first.

Okay, so I gave him my two cents. I told him that he DID NOT NEED TO BE WITH THIS GIRL. Its a different story if she told him that SHE DID NOT WANT TO BE WITH HIM and he still continued to pursue things with her. If he found out she was messing with another guy - oh well - thats his fault. But she told him she wanted to make things work, then turns around and sleeps with another guy. You don't try to fix a relationship then turn around and seek for retaliation. Well I told him how I felt...

I called him the next day to check on him and he quickly told me he was with her and hung up. Its been almost a week and he has not bothered to call. What gives? Is he embarrassed to call because despite all that craziness he STILL went back to her? I am quite irritated. Yes I disagree with his actions but that is his life, not mine. What bothers me is the fact that he just fell off the face of the earth. What gives? I am also irritated because it was my cousin's bday the other day and him and my cousins are even closer friends - he REFUSES to hang out with us because he is "tired" - which is a lie. He loves to go out with us and the only reason he did not is because one of the terms given to him by his girl was to stay at his grandparents' and to not go out. He has never done anything like this before... so I dont really know how to handle it. Apart of me feels like I should just leave him be and when he comes to his senses, cool but another part of me is ticked off that he does not care to call us or check in with us because they are back together. That is so stupid.

Sorry I had to vent.

 
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Old 03-24-2010, 07:47 AM   #2
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Re: A close friend has COMPLETELY fell off the face of the earth

Wow. Crazy story. I bet the only reason he won’t talk to you is because you're a girl, and his gf will probably freak if she knew he was still talking to another girl, no matter who. But, this girl sounds crazy. Like, obsessed and overprotected to the point that it's seriously unhealthy, in my opinion. That is definitely NOT what a relationship should be like, and he should know better. You guys are best friends, and if you mean anything to him, you'd think he would be a lot more sensible about the situation, take your advice and get rid of her, right? I don't know you, him, or his gf obviously but by the way you portrayed the situation it kind of makes it seem like your friend is a bit of an idiot for not getting out first chance. Maybe there's more to it, but from what I know it really doesn't make any sense. Try talking to him again, but be more firm in telling him what you think of it all. I don't know, I’m not good on advice, but I hope it all works out...

 
Old 03-24-2010, 07:57 AM   #3
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Re: A close friend has COMPLETELY fell off the face of the earth

Thanks imsry28 for responding

He definitely has a fear of being alone... and he has settled numerous times in the past and I know its because he does not want to be alone. I dont think he has ever just been by himself.

As for not keeping in touch with me - that is not the case. They have been dating for almost a year and she never cared. She knew we were close buddies and me and her have hung out numerous times in the past. Also, he has stopped calling his other friends. Like I said, my cousin and him are super close. My cousin is a guy and he has not bothered to call him too - which is very very unusual since they play pool. He has not even bothered to call his guy buddies so I dont know whats up. Maybe she has banned him from associating with us -- at the end of the day, a part of me wants to confront him... Should I? or give it some more time?

I would like to talk to him and check on him -- the fool simply refuses to answer his phone which makes it a tad bit difficult

 
Old 03-24-2010, 08:11 AM   #4
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curly fry HB Usercurly fry HB Usercurly fry HB Usercurly fry HB Usercurly fry HB User
Re: A close friend has COMPLETELY fell off the face of the earth

I understand your rant. But if I had to give my 2 cents about the situation, you should have just stayed out it. A couples quarrel doesn't need a third person/ opinion. I understand he is your friend and you care about him. But you were negatively influencing him on a relationship he seems to be desperate to keep. She probably told him he can't have any contact with you any more because of this, or, he probably decided to lose contact with you because of your advice.

Take this as a lesson learned. Always console friends in this situation, but I would seriously avoid giving advice. You never know the way it will work itself out.

 
Old 03-24-2010, 08:17 AM   #5
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Re: A close friend has COMPLETELY fell off the face of the earth

Just send him a text or e-mail and let him know that you are still here for him whenever he wants to talk to you. Then the ball is in his court. There is nothing else that you can do.

She may not be jealous of you but she may see you as a threat because your advice to him is to stay away from her. Of course she doesn't want you talking to him because she knows that you are telling him to get rid of her.

 
Old 03-24-2010, 09:37 AM   #6
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Re: A close friend has COMPLETELY fell off the face of the earth

Quote:
She may not be jealous of you but she may see you as a threat because your advice to him is to stay away from her. Of course she doesn't want you talking to him because she knows that you are telling him to get rid of her.
--good point. But its not just me, its all of his friends. Its like he has isolated himself completely.

To Curly: I generally do stay away from lover's quarrel but this was not the case. They actually broke up. I have friends that complain about what a b**** their gfs are or how the guys are assh****s because they are unappreciative, wont spend time with them blah blah blah -- I am very sympathetic and I do just listen in these instances because I know its going to pass. But this was a huge break up and I most certainly did not think he was going to go back and forth like he did. Now the next time he does call and vents about how she changed her mind and decided to kick him out again - I most certainly will keep my comments to myself since he obviously does not mind going thru all this drama. Its just crazy that he ditches his friends and I mean PLURAL with an S.

 
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