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Old 03-24-2010, 09:00 AM   #1
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Don't want to make any friends... is that wrong?

I moved to a new state about 2 1/2 years ago. And since living here, I don't want to make friends. I am very social and am acquainted with everyone at work. But outside of work, I'm not too interested in maintaining a relationship with them. Not to mention, they're about 20 years my senior for the most part. I have a long distance BF who visits often and I am ok with that. While I would like a female friend, I also don't want to put the effort in meeting one. I'm not a phone person and I HATE driving (I had to learn how to drive when I moved here and I just don't like it). I don't 'click' with anyone and have very different taste from everyone I meet (they tend to be more traditional/ family oriented- I'm more work and party oriented).

I really just don't want to meet people.

Everyone tries to convince me that I am depressed, and I started to believe it which made me feel depressed!! But the reality is I am not depressed. I am not antisocial. Back home I have great friends and I am content with them, even if they don't live here. It's not like I'm a hermit who doesn't interact with people. I do... just at work, and the few family members I have here.

Is it wrong for me to not want to make friends? Why is it so hard for people to understand that I just don't want to meet people. Like I said, it would be nice to know some people and get out; But its seriously not priority for me. People are so shocked when I tell them I don't have any girl friends... But why?!

 
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Old 03-24-2010, 10:18 AM   #2
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Re: Don't want to make any friends... is that wrong?

Sounds like you have an introverted personality type. Introverts feel refreshed and rejuvenated when they spend time by themselves, and can go longer periods without socializing. An introvert may have no trouble socializing or making friends, but they prefer to spend most of their time alone. Extroverts are the opposite; they get energized and relieve stress by spending time with other people, and prefer to surround themselves with friends as much as possible. Extroverts may feel lonely, lost, or not in touch with themselves if they don't get enough socialization. Most people that are extroverts don't understand introverts, and vice versa.

I'm an introvert. I enjoy having friends, but I only like socializing for a few hours every week or two weeks. Otherwise, I much prefer spending my time on my own hobbies and interests.

Last edited by Hesione; 03-24-2010 at 10:22 AM.

 
Old 03-24-2010, 10:29 AM   #3
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Re: Don't want to make any friends... is that wrong?

Can't blame you for not wanting to hang out with work people, who are 20 years your senior. Do what makes you happy, and brush off comments from others. My wife and I enjoy socializing maybe once a week, usually on the weekend, but otherwise are very content being at home.

 
Old 03-24-2010, 11:24 AM   #4
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Re: Don't want to make any friends... is that wrong?

First of all I don't see how anyone can just say "Oh I want to go and make a friend today"...it simply does not work like that. I think if you meet someone you want to be friends with them you'll have a new friend...it isn't something you can just make happen...ya know. I see nothing unusual with not feeling like making friends. Plus you are around people all day at work...maybe you just don't need any more interaction with people than that! Sometimes friends can be more work than they are worth too! HA!
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Old 03-24-2010, 11:33 AM   #5
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Re: Don't want to make any friends... is that wrong?

Funny thing Hesione; I always thought I was rather extroverted. Everyone describes me as a social butterfly. But I can relate to everything you mentioned so maybe I am introverted.

After purchasing my home, I also enjoy just staying in like caberg.

I don't know why some people want to make me feel bad for not wanting to make friends and tell me that I suffer from depression! I like treating myself and having dates with myself. A sidekick would be nice if one came along, but I'm not going to stalk anyone!! LOL. Maybe I'll make up an imaginary friend so they can leave me alone! LOL.

 
Old 03-24-2010, 11:39 AM   #6
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Re: Don't want to make any friends... is that wrong?

Quote:
Originally Posted by BeaTrade View Post
First of all I don't see how anyone can just say "Oh I want to go and make a friend today"...it simply does not work like that. I think if you meet someone you want to be friends with them you'll have a new friend...it isn't something you can just make happen...ya know. I see nothing unusual with not feeling like making friends. Plus you are around people all day at work...maybe you just don't need any more interaction with people than that! Sometimes friends can be more work than they are worth too! HA!
To the bolded, EXACTLY!!! But some of these people feel like that is how I should be! One lady even told me I should take my laptop to Barnes and Noble and sit at Starbucks and just start talking to people. Like I said, I'm pretty social but that is just AWKWARD for me! If it happens it happens! I only imagine how the conversation would go if I was single and not looking for a boyfriend... LOL

I think they think I'm 'wasting my youth'. But I'm really happy at the moment.

PS I did try to make a friend (at work, nonetheless) and she turned out to be pretty stalkerish... she would text me 100 times a day, call me, email me, come to my desk to insult me for not returning her texts or calls... I think I'll take being 'friendless' over being stalked...

 
Old 03-24-2010, 01:42 PM   #7
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Re: Don't want to make any friends... is that wrong?

What you describe about the stalker friend...see that's the kind of things that can happen that turned me against buddying up with some friends. I used to think I couldn't live without my BFF but after one betrayal after another I just kinda stick to myself. I have my husband and we are best of friends and MORE...HEEHEE!

Maybe you are just getting older and wiser. But you say you still have friends that lived where you used to live right? Maybe that's all you need is the occasional listening ear of your long distance friends.

I really don't understand why people assume you are depressed because you don't have a friend? I think anyone that can be happy just being alone has figured out what a lot of people NEED to learn!
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Old 03-24-2010, 02:13 PM   #8
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Re: Don't want to make any friends... is that wrong?

Yes... the stalker was quite interesting... I think she has borderline/ bi-polar issues. Unless she was actually trying to impress me with her wreckless talking and actions! It was like dealing with an ex that didn't 'get it'. She still works here, but we 'talked it out'... and to sum it all up, I told her her psycho ways made me uncomfortable! I'm a nice person but this had turn into one of those situations where I had to be a little rude. Weirdest thing I've ever had to go through...

About the depression thing, I guess since everyone sees me as this bubbly person, they couldn't fathom that I would have no friends. And the it really sucked that people assumed I was depressed (several people mentioned the fact that I may be depressed) and it really got to me. I started questioning why I didn't make any friends and if there was something wrong with me, and I created a social phobia within myself to justify why I didn't have any friends. I even told my doctor during my physical that I thought I might be depressed and she gave me a list of therapist to see. But then I thought about it. I have met people that are cool. But I'm not really in the mood to open myself up to them. No real reason. I just really don't want to. And it may be a little odd for someone to have no real out of work aquaintances, but I think it makes sense in my situation. New city where I am out of my comfort zone, total culture shock, a person who hates driving and only goes home to work and sometimes to my aunts/ cousin's house. Really, how am I supposed to meet true friends? Everyone pretty much has their circle of friends anyways. And... I just don't want to! LOL.

This lady at work just made me feel like not wanting to make friends was INCOMPREHENSIBLE- even though she is pretty much the same way. I tried to make her understand that we weren't that different (she barely sees her actual friends and already has her circle). I guess I shouldn't be so vocal about not having friends! Because the issue seems to be that I vocalized it (because it's not like she invited me over for a weekend dinner!! LOL).

 
Old 03-24-2010, 03:38 PM   #9
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Re: Don't want to make any friends... is that wrong?

Well you mention you go to your Aunts and Cousins homes. So what's so wrong with thinking of your Aunts and Cousins as your friend. My very best friend ever was my cousin growing up and now that I'm older I have a different cousin that when I was a kid she seemed too old to be my friend but now that we are grown we are very good friends. I seldom ever see her but we email all the time and talk about stuff daily. Your relatives can be your friends probably better than non-relatives can! All I can say is that if your aren't lonely then I certainly wouldn't give it another thought!
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Old 03-25-2010, 07:11 AM   #10
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Re: Don't want to make any friends... is that wrong?

Thanks BeaTrade for understanding !

 
Old 05-12-2011, 02:06 PM   #11
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Re: Don't want to make any friends... is that wrong?

Curly Fry,
I think it is awesome that you know yourself so well and that you didn't allow people to make you think feel badly. So often, we acquiesce to what we think we should want to do or be because that is the so called "norm." I like having friends but I also like being alone. I have had some major disappointments with friends and so sometimes I'm just not willing to put myself out there or when I see red flag behavior as you did with your "stalker" - my instinct is to back off. This happened to me at work recently. The person's reaction to my backing off told me a lot about how they would handle the ups and downs of any friendship. It's not something I need in my life so if that makes me "weird" which I'm sure this girl is telling everyone I am - so be it.
Deb

 
Old 05-12-2011, 08:27 PM   #12
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Re: Don't want to make any friends... is that wrong?

i guess i'm in a similar situation. i'm in a new city (well not that new anymore) and all my real friends are elsewhere. the difference is that i have no family here so i'm basically alone. i do have a gf which helps somewhat. for me, there's no substitute for actual family. the thought of having to go out and make friends and having these people form my support structure is quite depressing. i just haven't connected with any of the people i meet here and really have nothing in common with them. i also can't quite figure out how lonely i am. i have no desire to really make an effort to make friends either. i see it as me changing who i am just for the sake of fitting in and having friends. there are definite benefits to having people in your life but you really can't force something like this. i never had to in the past and don't think i should now either.

 
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