I was dating this guy about 5 months ago, we had a really bad break up, we said some really hurtful things and a week later after we broke up he had another gf (which they have since broken up). I went through a very depressed month and even started to see a therapist in an attempt to heal and learn a little bit more about myself, the whole thing has been a real eye opener. I was strong enough to decide that i needed to cut him out of my life because it just wasnt healthy for me. Since we broke up he has kept trying to contact me wanting to be friends, time and time again i explained that i could not be friends with him because there were still too many feelings.
about two weeks ago he left me another message saying that it has been 1 year since we met and that he was thinking about me. I kind of got fed up and decided that i was now strong enough to face him and get some of my things back after 5 months of no contact.
So, We decide where we're going to meet and I go and we started talking and he starts saying that all these feelings are rushing back to him, we end up kissing, which is probably a bad idea, but it happens.
The next day, I'm a little confused with everything and so I txt him and he says that he's very confused and he didnt expect what happened to happen. I start to get really nervous and i say something like "I know where this is going, and we just need to go our seperate ways" he says that i cannot do that to him again after what happened. So, he says we need to talk in person because text is never good (which i agree with).
so we meet up and the first things he does when he sees me is hugs me and says that he doesnt want me out of his life, ever. I've never been good at the whole "lets see what happenes" thing, i guess that's been one of the things that i've learned in therapy about all the stress i go through, this situation makes me nervous because i dont want to be hurt, again.
I guess i need advice, and yes, most people have told me to just let it go, and i tried that for 5 months and it still isnt resolved. I dont want things to be like before, i want them to just be cool/calm, but i also want him in life.. I dont know if i could change, that's the truth.
I pretty much self sabotaged this relationship at one point, and i dont know how i would handle things now. I think that i need to just see where it goes, like he wants, but ive never been good at that, does anyone have some advice on this situation? i'd greatly appreciate it.
in a situation where my feelings are so heavily invested, how do i just "see where it goes"?
I feel that you should keep up with your therapy and work It out there. If you decide to give him another chance, then make sure that you think about if he is lifting you up or letting you down in your life. I say move on if you are unhappy around him and maybe think about if your relationship is from the heart or just a conpanion or a sexual partner. It should be all of the above. I really don't like the fac that he rushed out to get a girl so soon if it was true love with you.
Yeah, that's the part that weighs heavily. He says that, that was nothing and that we had been having so many problems and he just couldnt take it anymore. He did do that, and it was bad, but i cant ignore the fact that i was very manipulating and controlling, which is something i've been working on in therapy.
i'm just going to wait and see what happens, i'll try to be as strong as i can.
Update: so, we've decided to try and work things out and be friends and see where things go, the problem is.. i'm so bad at this.
after the break up, 5 months ago, I started with my therapy and learned of my codependency, I thought that I was doing very well and that I wouldnt be going all crazy again, but now i'm not so sure that i'm strong enough. I get these stupid crazy thoughts and it drives me insane, i get so paranoid and I just want to cry and scream. I'm so afraid of things not working out, that I want to run the opposite direction and never look back, i can't do that again, i cant self sabotage my life because of this, i can't keep coming up with these random thoughts and let them get me all paranoid and frightened. I know this is a behavioral problem, but i'm just not sure how strong i can be.
why am i saying all of this? because i feel terrible, i only feel calm when i'm with him and when i'm away i'm only thinking and wishing that we were together. I hate it! i want to be able to just let it go and have an attitude of 'whatever happens, happens'.
i'm so afraid of things going wrong that i'm already starting to self sabotage. It's like... if we're going to try and work things out, we need to actually do it, instead of me always trying to talk about it. That's what i always do, talk, talk and talk, but that's so stupid, we're trying to figure things out, both of us.
I wish that I was more self confident, I wish that I could feel myself more worthy so that I wouldnt be so scared, I need to focus on other things, I need to stop worrying.
is anyone here Codependent? can anyone relate to me? i need some people to keep me sane.
writing this actually helps me, i feel a bit calmer. It's okay if i feel anxious at times, but it is not okay for me to start texting and calling him like a maniac demanding answers to questions he has no answers for, we're taking it slow, seeing where things go, finding our way back into each others lives.
I'd just like to hear from more people that are going through what i'm going through, how do they cope? what do they do when they get the urge to control things? what do they do when they cant sit still? I want to believe that i can change, i need to know that i can get past this.