Why don't girls ever take any initiatives? Girls usually never take any initiatives when dating or in a relationship, they never try to call or contact the guy, they never show any intrest, they never show any affection, they never initiate sex and they always let the guy do all the work. Why is it like this? As a guy how are you even supposed to know that the girl likes you when she never does anything to show it? Why are girls always so reserved, cold and distant? To me it just seems like a girl can't love a man as much as a man can love a girl, is it really like that?
On a rare occasion, they will. I've had girls give me their number. Usually, no. I don't know why, either. Maybe because it's typically the guy's responsibility?
When I was 17, there was this girl I was friends with and she had feelings for me. Her friends kept suggesting I ask her out, but I was 17 and oblivious. Eventually, I wound up with feelings for her, but by the time I mustered up the courage to ask her out, it was too late, she'd gone back to her boyfriend. For years she asked me why I never asked her out and that she was "waiting for me" to. My response, which I never voiced, was, "Why the hell didn't YOU ask ME out?" I've since realized that nine times out of ten, no matter how flirtatious she is with you, she's not going to be the one to move the situation forward, even if she wants to.
Moral of the story: Girls are big time weirdos.
Oh, I didn't read your whole post, just the title. Um, I think as far as how affectionate they are, that depends on the woman...
Ok, well from one "weirdo", I have and do take the initiative on ALL those things. I've walked up to a guy I met and let him know that I think he's cool and I'd love to go out with him. I've called a guy, I initiate sex all the time, I show affection.
Of course, if a guy referred to me as a "weirdo" I wouldn't call him or do any of those things...LOL
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"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong
The only time I haven't initiated anything is when I'm not attracted to the guy. Sometimes you like the other person but there isn't any sexual attraction. It happens. Maybe you haven't met the right girl yet, or maybe you are dating girls who are really reserved or prudes.
If girls are being cold, distant, and reserved around you, then it sounds like they aren't interested in you - or else, an interest hasn't developed yet, or at least, fully-formed. I know the way I am throws men off...it takes a long time of being around someone before I develop an attraction to them. Plus, I tend to be kind of shy at first. So it tends to go like this...ignore the guy, act barely interested, ignore him some more, BAMI'MMAKINGOUTWITHYOU. I strike without warning. If I know a guy likes me, and I have developed such a crush on him that I can't take it anymore, then I will pounce. I have followed men out of bars and threw myself on them on the sidewalk. Now, that's initiative.
But you know to be honest, even though I love a good chase, I prefer men to take the initiative all the time because I am very submissive and want a dominate man who takes the lead and makes all the rules. That's just me though, I enjoy a good caveman-cavewoman dynamic. I don't call first because I don't want to bother him - when he's ready for me, he'll let me know.
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The grass is always greener on the other side...until you get closer and see that it's astroturf~
Well, "never" isn't the case. I met my boyfriend in class and asked him out and basically we would never have met or started dating or done anything if it wasn't for my initiative.
FoxMulder: It goes both ways. In the "olden days" it was always the responsibility of the man to call on the woman. I met my husband 27 years ago and after our first date I never called him. I didn't think I was playing hard to get, I just wanted to see if HE was interested in ME!!! As it turns out, it worked out that I didn't call him because he would have thought I was a pest, and he needed time to make up his mind about whether or not he liked me.
Sometimes women need to be cautious too because they don't want to be vulnerable to a mans needs and wants. They need to protect themselves from alot of stuff out there these days. I think some women jump into things too fast and end up regreting it.
You both need to respect each other and not have high expectations. When the time is right you will know it. What is your reason for not initiating? What are you so insecure about? Are you afraid of getting rejected? I think you're young and have alot to learn about being a gentleman.
I say KUDOS to the girl who doesn't initiate and saves herself for the right man. If more were like that there would be less problems with unwanted pregnancies and STD's.
Ha Ha!! After I typed the above I went back to my homepage and what was there?????????
Dating 101: Is he Mr. Right? by Lisa Steadman
It listed 5 things for women to look for when looking for Mr. Right
1. He listens to you and remembers what you say.
2. He connects with you easily.
3. He wants the real you.
4. He is trustworthy.
5. He enriches your life.
The article was long but that's the basics of what women are looking for. Do you meet all 5 of these?
Last edited by 92261; 03-28-2010 at 06:42 PM.
Reason: adding
92261 - it's not just in the "olden days.!" LOL even today, if you have to do all the "heavy lifting," if the woman has to do all the calling, all the initiating, it means the man is "just not that into you." A man who is really into you will ask you out, will pursue you, will initiate. Now a woman does have to respond to show she is interested, she has to return your call, but she won't if you don't call when you say you're going to. I mean, you tell me "I"ll call you tomorrow" and you don't call me till three or four days later, I wouldn't want to talk to you, either.
But c'mon, guys. You men are the hunters, the chasers. I've seen too many stories right here on these boards of women who have done all the pursuing, all the calling, all the initiating, only to be told 6 months down the road, "I don't love you, I was only with you because you made it so easy and it was just convenient for me. But if you disappeared tomorrow, I wouldn't miss you." Uh, NO THANKS! Why would any woman knowingly and willingly set herself up for that? We KNOW that if a man is interested in you, and confident, stable and emotionally available enough to be in a real relationship, he will call YOU, ask YOU out, etc.
But as far as showing affection, I've only been into one man in my life, really only had the chance to be into one man in my life, but I had no problem showing affection. I was very demonstrative with him. I did initiate, but I stopped when I got rejected enough times. Then he griped about me not initiating enough. I think sometimes men need to decide what they want. And they say women are the ones who don't know what they want!! I've always known exactly what I want. Finding it is the problem.
I have to agree with the above poster who said that these women in your situation are most likely not showing you affection or responding to your advances because they just aren't interested in you. Move on and find a woman who is more into you, but you must be prepared to be the man in the relationship and pursue!
92261 - it's not just in the "olden days.!" LOL even today, if you have to do all the "heavy lifting," if the woman has to do all the calling, all the initiating, it means the man is "just not that into you." A man who is really into you will ask you out, will pursue you, will initiate. Now a woman does have to respond to show she is interested, she has to return your call, but she won't if you don't call when you say you're going to. I mean, you tell me "I"ll call you tomorrow" and you don't call me till three or four days later, I wouldn't want to talk to you, either.
But c'mon, guys. You men are the hunters, the chasers. I've seen too many stories right here on these boards of women who have done all the pursuing, all the calling, all the initiating, only to be told 6 months down the road, "I don't love you, I was only with you because you made it so easy and it was just convenient for me. But if you disappeared tomorrow, I wouldn't miss you." Uh, NO THANKS! Why would any woman knowingly and willingly set herself up for that? We KNOW that if a man is interested in you, and confident, stable and emotionally available enough to be in a real relationship, he will call YOU, ask YOU out, etc.
But as far as showing affection, I've only been into one man in my life, really only had the chance to be into one man in my life, but I had no problem showing affection. I was very demonstrative with him. I did initiate, but I stopped when I got rejected enough times. Then he griped about me not initiating enough. I think sometimes men need to decide what they want. And they say women are the ones who don't know what they want!! I've always known exactly what I want. Finding it is the problem.
I have to agree with the above poster who said that these women in your situation are most likely not showing you affection or responding to your advances because they just aren't interested in you. Move on and find a woman who is more into you, but you must be prepared to be the man in the relationship and pursue!
Shure but how long does the man have to pursue? Should girls ever take any initiatives or show any affection when you have gotten in a relationship or should the man have to initiate everything even then?
Shure but how long does the man have to pursue? Should girls ever take any initiatives or show any affection when you have gotten in a relationship or should the man have to initiate everything even then?
As I said before, of course it's a give and take, especially once a relationship has been established. If you are dating someone and they still expect you to plan EVERYTHING, do ALL the calling, all the initiating when it comes to sexual encounters, then I would contend that you are dating the wrong women. Not all women are like this. Most women do want to be pursued, but women who are truly into you will let you know it.
As I said before, of course it's a give and take, especially once a relationship has been established. If you are dating someone and they still expect you to plan EVERYTHING, do ALL the calling, all the initiating when it comes to sexual encounters, then I would contend that you are dating the wrong women. Not all women are like this. Most women do want to be pursued, but women who are truly into you will let you know it.
But the thing is... Most women do expect all that. How are you supposed to know that the girl really loves you if your in a relationship and she never initiates any contact, never show any affection, never initiate any sex? Since women don't ever do anything like that and always make the guy do all the work am I right to assume that a woman can't love a man as much as a man can love a woman?
But the thing is... Most women do expect all that. How are you supposed to know that the girl really loves you if your in a relationship and she never initiates any contact, never show any affection, never initiate any sex? Since women don't ever do anything like that and always make the guy do all the work am I right to assume that a woman can't love a man as much as a man can love a woman?
LOL, what are you talking about? At this point, I need to ask, how old are you? If this has happened to you, where a girl has never initiated anything or has never shown you any affection, SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. Point blank. You are claiming and acting like your statement is correct. You are so far off track that I am really hoping you are young
But the thing is... Most women do expect all that. How are you supposed to know that the girl really loves you if your in a relationship and she never initiates any contact, never show any affection, never initiate any sex? Since women don't ever do anything like that and always make the guy do all the work am I right to assume that a woman can't love a man as much as a man can love a woman?
You are so far off base with that assumption.
There are plenty of women who initiate contact, show affection and initiate sex, myself included.
I also know there are plenty of men who don't initiate or show affection either. Should I assume from that, that no man is capable of loving a woman as a woman is a man?
Some women love their men far more than their men love them, and vice versa.
You're either going for women who aren't really into you,or have "old-fashioned" values where they think the men should do all the persuing and "nice" girls don't do things like that, or are just plain shy. There are plenty out there who aren't any of those things, you just haven't found the right one yet.
Hmmm... I think you've been meeting the wrong women. My wife has always been very outgoing and forward with me, from the very beginning and still today. I think curly fry hit the nail on the head when she said these girls just aren't that into you.
What you're talking about has nothing to do with how much one loves another. It has to do with societal norms. Women are taught to be "nice girls," and nice girls are not assertive, powerful, overtly sexual, etc. Women are constantly being told to make men wait, to let him be the "hunter," etc. A woman can be madly in love and never initiate anything if she has been taught to wait around for a man to come to her.
Are you talking about women you are interested in or women with whom you've had serious relationships? Because if you aren't talking about women you're actually had relationships with, the others may be right and maybe you just haven't found a woman who is interested.
What you're talking about has nothing to do with how much one loves another. It has to do with societal norms. Women are taught to be "nice girls," and nice girls are not assertive, powerful, overtly sexual, etc. Women are constantly being told to make men wait, to let him be the "hunter," etc. A woman can be madly in love and never initiate anything if she has been taught to wait around for a man to come to her.
Are you talking about women you are interested in or women with whom you've had serious relationships? Because if you aren't talking about women you're actually had relationships with, the others may be right and maybe you just haven't found a woman who is interested.
But why would any guy like to always initiate every contact and always be the one to do all the work? Why would any guy like to be with a girl who never takes any initiatives, never shows any affection, never shows any love? Considering this is how most girls are and most guys do find girlfriends eventually, am I the one that is weird for wanting the girl to actually take initiaves and to actually show that she loves me?
But why would any guy like to always initiate every contact and always be the one to do all the work? Why would any guy like to be with a girl who never takes any initiatives, never shows any affection, never shows any love? Considering this is how most girls are and most guys do find girlfriends eventually, am I the one that is weird for wanting the girl to actually take initiaves and to actually show that she loves me?
You are missing the entire point of this thread. The right woman will initiate some contact with you. The right woman will complement you, not stand alone and wait for you. The right woman will put her arms around you and hug you when she wants affection. The right woman will show you by her actions during the day that she wants you.
"Most girls" are not cold. "Most girls" are not the type to never show love. There are all types of girls out there, and if you are meeting only cold, heartless girls then you are either in the wrong place or are sending out bad vibes.
I recently got engaged. In the beginning of the relationship, I made it clear that I was interested but that he should call and plan dates early on because I wanted to know that he was interested and not just calling because I was "easy." As the relationship progressed, I would call him sometimes and let him know I'm interested in something. And I'm an extremely affectionate girl, which he loves.
"Most girls" are not like that. All you have to do is read the dozens of threads on this board started by women who are 100% completely head over heels in love with their man. So to say that "most girls" don't love as much as men do is a flawed concept.
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"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." - Erica Jong
The point I was trying to make is, how do you know women don't show love and affection? You haven't been in a relationship and so haven't experienced it, that doesn't mean it doesn't happen in other peoples relationships.
I have been married now for 17 years, been together nearly 20. I love my husband, am very attracted to him, I initiate sex at least as much as he does, and I show love and affection every day. Even when we first started dating he knew I was interested, we both called each other up to make arrangements to go out, or to just chat.
Everything you've posted about, is totally the opposite from everything I've experienced in my relationship.
And AGAIN
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I very well know that's totally unrealistic to expect from a woman.
MANY women here have told you that you are totally wrong on this, but you STILL aren't listening.
